This Will Be Exhibit B in my Commitment Papers

Okay, seriously y'all, I'm losing my mind.

Probably. It may just be that the whole butter-moving fiasco is just gotten me all paranoid to the point of no return...actually that's probably what it is. I'm demoting that statement from "Probably Insane," to "Probably Not Insane, Just Overly Sensitive Now That Someone Has Moved My Butter."

God, that looks even more insane. Scratch that one.

-----------

People get wrong number calls all the time, right? No big deal. And sometimes people's cell phones will accidentally dial a number when they forget to hit the key lock. So occasionally you might get a call that is just background noise and it's just someone you know with a cell phone accident.

I've gotten 4 calls like that in the past 3 days. 3 at work, one at home. That were just weird background noise. The first one was a message left overnight at the office. It was really long (like 2 minutes) and was very creepy, because there was a lot of crunching/crinkling sounds. But I figured someone just had their phone in their purse or pocket and it was rattling around. No big deal. The second one was a call I picked up after the secretary had left for the day. It was the tamest of them all, just some very indistinct noise in the background. I hung up after 10 seconds or so. But two in one day, weird right? Could still totally be a coincidence though.

The third one was at home on Tuesday night. It was right before the Amazing Race and I figured it was Devon, because she usually calls around that time on Tuesday nights, saying we need to go out and drink because night class has sapped her will to live. Instead it is the weirdest noise. I would almost say it was someone breathing really loudly, only it totally was not. And so I was all "EEEK" and freaked out and hung up and then wrapped myself in my comforter. Luckily that was when The Amazing Race started, so I was calmed rather quickly.

THEN, so today I'm at work doing, y'know, work stuff when suddenly my voicemail light comes on. Which is weird, because you can't get into voicemail unless the phone rings first, which it didn't, or the Set Busy is on, which it wasn't. So I check the message and it's totally just some creepy raspy breathing with weird background noise. Oh my God, people, I cannot deal.

And then, just to show exactly how paranoid I have become, I remember from last night when I pulled into my parking lot at the apartment complex that there were two different really weird looking guys in big black trenchcoats in different parts of the lot.

I'm thinking it's time to trade in that tinfoil hat for a whole suit. And perhaps a firearm. Living alone has finally gotten to me.