Conspiracy Theories

Okay, I know I sound like I'm wearing a tinfoil hat when I say this, but I think someone broke into my apartment yesterday and rearraged my refridgerator.

God! That sounds so crazy. I'm crazy. You're leaving, aren't you? Wait, just hear me out.

So I got home from work yesterday at 6:00, like normal. I haven't gone shopping this week yet, so I didn't have a lot of choice in the dinner department. I decided on some buttered tortillas and Dr Pepper, since those were the only two things that I definitely had in the kitchen.

I toss the tortillas in the oven and then start looking for the butter. I totally can't find it. Now, I do not have a large refridgerator and it is pretty much completely empty. I am mystified beause I have a damn huge tub of butter, and it cannot be hiding anywhere. I look all over the kitchen with no luck.

But you know what I do find? My half gallon of milk wedged up on top of the fridge, next to the cabinets. Which is very, very weird because why is the milk out of the refridgerator, and why is it way back up against the wall? Creepy, but I figure I must have just left it out yesterday and it got pushed back randomly. I throw out the milk. Still no butter.

Feeling completely insane, I check: the trash room, the bathroom, the living room, and my bedroom. No butter. This is so weird.

I decide to take a loss on the whole thing and just eat the tortillas sans butter. I put them on a plate and go to sit at the dining room table. I pull out the chair, and my tub of butter is sitting right there on the chair.

[Right here is where the ominous music would swell on the soundtrack of my life.]

What the Hell is going on?!

There is no way I would have ever put my butter 1) in the dining room, 2) on a chair under the dining room table and 3) completely forgotten this fact. Couple that with the milk on top of the refridgerator and I'm getting a huge "the calls are coming from inside the house" sort of vibe. Y'know, with butter.

So I ran around and checked; there is nothing else amiss in the house. I don't really have any valuables per se (except my TV of the gods) so I wasn't too worried. Although for a moment there I thought I was robbed, until I remembered I had let Frank borrow my 3rd season Will & Grace and it wasn't actually stolen from me by some insane butter-mover.

I feel like this should go somewhere, but really that's all I got. I have no proof, but I totally think someone snuck into my house and moved the perishables in my refridgerator around.

What more is there to say?

Hey, where are you goin'?