Fall From Grace

In honor of the fact that just 4 days ago I commented that I hadn't done anything clumsy in at least a month, and was thinking about changing my About Me line.

I brought my lunch in to work, because I knew I had a closing that would be funding around noon. It was a good lunch: fruit cup, chocolate chip granola bar, 4 mini frosted donuts, and a can of coke. I tend to think of diabetes as an eventuality in my life.

At the tail end of my consumption, after I had finished all the food and was just working on the Coke, I had a phone call and needed to reference some paperwork at my desk. I shifted around so I would have the phone cradled in the crook of my neck and could hold the two pieces of paper I needed. After I gave over the relevant information on the file, the caller put me on hold while they went to confirm my information.

In my infinite wisdom at that point I set down one of the pieces of paper and take a drink of the Coke. Unfortunately I wasn't paying adequate attention, because instead of lining up the popped top with my mouth, I approached it at a 90 degree angle, which spilled a crazy ton of Coke all down the front of my nice white dress shirt. Unfortunate-er, the Coke then started to pool on my desk chair, rapidly soaking my crotch.

Thinking quickly, I set down both the Coke and the paper, and leaned forward while reaching down to raise myself up off the chair with both my hands. It was a more than a little awkward, but as I couldn't well stand up while still having the phone up against my ear, it was a workable solution, I thought.

More unfortunately still, though, I didn't stop to think that my desk chair was on wheels, and that my arms are much less stable than my lap. I overbalanced on my arms and the chair went shooting backwards out from under me. With nothing holding me up and already leaning forward, I fantastically thumped, forehead first, into the edge of my desk with my entire body weight.

The phone then popped out from my shoulder and knocked me in the eye on my way down to the floor. I was just sort of lying there stunned for about a second, until my desk chair came rolling back up to me, having rebounded off the desk behind me. Such was the force of the initial push. It lightly bumped up against my shoulder. . . and the puddle of Coke it contained sloshed over the side of the seat and directly onto my face.

And as I was laying there, covered in soda, with no doubt a huge bruise forming on my forehead and possibly my eye, I could vaguely hear the tinny sound of the person on the phone, from the dangling receiver: "I-i-is anyone there? I thought I hear a crash."

Love of Consumerism/Hate of Situation

Today I love:

• Vampire Weekend and Jenny Owen Youngs' Batten the Hatches, the two albums I got this weekend. I've had them both on repeat on my iPod for 2 days straight and still can't stop listening. Of particular note: Youngs' Voice on Tape, a song which I cannot get out of my head, and frankly don't even want to.
• This bag of Hershey's Hugs in my hand, who's dual chocolaty goodness is the only thing keeping me alive at this point.
• Brandon Sanderson. Particularly these two books of his, which are just amazing, and easily qualify as the best fantasy writing I've come across in the last 5 years. Have you ever been so into a book that you couldn't sleep until you finished it? That was me with the second one. Except not only would I not go to sleep, I wouldn't physically put the book down - carrying it with me as I took out my contacts, brushed my teeth, ironed my clothes for the next day. . . I was completely unconscious of this fact too, until I was actually in bed about to turn out the lights for the night when I realized I was still reading a book. So good. Also, as an offshoot of this.
• Tor Books, who sent me the first of those as a free eBook, as part of some sort of literary promotion. It was definitely a worthwhile gamble on their part, as it got me to go out and immediately acquire the second book in the series less than 30 minutes after finishing the first, so good on them. They also keep sending another book each week. Which is sweet, except for the fact that the last two they sent me I already owned. Along with the respective sequels for both books. I guess I'm just already too deep inside their demographic. Still, LOVE.

Today I Hate:

• My throat, which has swelled shut for unknown reasons. There is fiery pain whenever I swallow, and croaking noises whenever I try to speak. Do you understand how that might inconvenience someone who's job it is to answer the phones all day?
• Dallas drivers, particularly the Honda Accord who tried to sideswipe me on the way into the office this morning. Because he didn't feel like obeying the giant flashing yellow arrow indicating a lane closure until he was actually at said arrow, and then mistakenly assumed that he had right-of-way to take over my lane since his was gone.
• And also the BMW in my parking garage who tried to run me down once I was on foot, by driving 30 mph in an enclosed garage, while on his cell phone, driving the wrong way down a one way lane, and then veering into the parking spot I was standing in, waiting for his distracted, reckless ass to pass.
• Additionally, a small note to the driver of said BMW - if you are doing the three things noted above (speeding down the wrong way of a one-way lane while on a cell phone) and you try to root around in your passenger seat, resulting in a swerve that almost kills a pedestrian, when you slam on your breaks to stop, please don't honk your horn and yell angrily at the pedestrian. Because in case you didn't notice, it was your negligent ass that was wrong, and had it not been for the car dodging ability of the guy walking, he would now be plastered on your windshield. Particularly considering that your oh-so-amazing response time with those breaks had you shuddering to a stop three feet past where he was standing. That would be why he was able to look at you through your passenger-side window, with a look that indicated he was ready to drag you out of the car and beat the crap out of you, despite his generally non-violent persona. Christ.

If it's okay with everyone else, I'm just going to call this day a draw and hide in my living room until first light tomorrow. I'm pretty okay with the balance I've struck.