Linky, Clicky, Shiny Objects!

I had this thing planned, where I would write, like, an actual entry about real things, maybe even involving dialogue and a plot and it would be funny. But instead, I've decided on massive linkings around the internet to things that won't stop cracking me up.

(Completely unironically, almost every one of these things could be found by hitting all my Elsewhere links. Is it a double word score for the blog when you add multiple layers of unoriginality on the same page?)

• Disgruntled Harry Potter Fan Releases "Corrected" Version of Book : All the fandom wank condensed into one easy to swallow bite of hilarity. (For the darker side, the real compiled listing of the actual wanks that came out following the Half Blood Prince. Still amazingly funny, but as you get deeper into it, there's a lot more sad and creepy thrown in.) Once again, this one might be more geared to just be interesting to me, since I have a little background in it. (via: The Rage Diaries)
• Uwe Boll's Dungeon Siege : Go read the entire press release. All of it. Don't stop at the part where they mention King Burt Reynolds. Done? Okay, seriously, is there any way this movie cannot be completely awesome? Imagine Burt Reynolds, that That Guy from Goodfellas, the girl who got knee cancer in the worst movie ever made, that annoying guy from Scream, and Gimli from Lord of the Rings all sitting around a card table in a basement playing Dungeons and Dragons. I will be the first goddamn person in line at the ticket booth, I promise you that. (via: Videogamey)
• Penny Arcade and Found Cake : "No! I even asked somebody! I was like: Is this your cake? And he was like: No."
• I Harth Darth - Diagnosis: Lame : Everything about these comics is so cutesy that I almost shudder, but they make me laugh so inappropriately no matter the time or the place. (Bonus: my favorite one of all time. If I had a dollar for every time I quoted something in this 5 panel comic, I would have 14 dollars.)
• All On Sale: Jesus Videotapes! : I kid, all you Baptists, I kid. Also, it's so easy to tell that this really happened, because the description is so true to life in the semi-rural south. I've been to that garage sale, man. Also: "Hello? Skipper, I am NOT kidding you -- stay away from Ken! I know he's smooth down there! I like him that way!"

And one last one for the road:

• This just in: The terrorists have won, Glitter flopped. Mariah says movie was just too cutting-edge for it's own good.

I will at least think about posting something original before the sun sets. But I promise nothing! ...except, y'know, that.