Interrupt

We interrupt the planned Harry Potter-fest for a discussion of candy.

(Aside: I doubt any of you go in for scary internet fandoms like I do, but seriously, the fallout from this book is some of the funniest shit in the history of time. Is LiveJournal just a magnet for people who are excessively dramatic? Whatever it is, man is it hilarious to watch.)

So all I eat nowadays is candy. How did this happen? Consider every place I frequent:

• Next to my computer at work - box of SweetTarts
• Next to my computer at home - bag full of M&Ms
• Next to the round chair in my living room - box of Goobers
• Next to the couch - half eaten bag of Gummi Bears
• On the futon - what's left of a roll of Sprees, another box of Goobers
• On my bed (which I found when I woke up this morning) - two Reeces's Peanut Butter Cups and an open pack of Big Red chewing gum
• On a chair by the dining room table - roughly 30 giant Pixi Sticks in a display box.

Seriously. Look at that list. Is there a patron saint of diabetes? I'm running purely on sugary adrenaline here, no doubt. Yesterday I was wondering why I hadn't had the urge to drink a Coke in a few days. Obviously my body was saving itself from total shutdown in the face of enough sugar to feed every remaining panda in the world. (I am told that pandas eat sugar. This person may be pulling my leg, however. I do not feel like doing a Google search on pandas and sugar at this exact second, so I'm going to go with it for now, because I like the thought of sentient pandas hiding Pixi Sticks up in their trees.)

The other result of this is that I will no doubt have an acne break-out of epic proportions like I'm 15 again, at any moment now. I can almost feel it happening as I type. I feel this is an equal trade off - all the deliciousness of taste is transmuted into a horrible visage. It's something to do with karma, no doubt - how I'm eating the closest thing to physical happiness in the world selfishly and it's reflected in my appearance.

Or, y'know, not. Whatever. All I know is that there is chocolate, and refined sugar to be had at every available moment of the day, and I will avail myself to it. There was nothing in the Prongs of Health that forbid eating my own body weight in Goobers. And I have totally stuck to the plan (maybe not so much in reality on the spazzing part, but at least in spirit), so I feel completely rationalized in my lifestyle.

So what? So there.