Yeah, it's about Harry Potter. Leave me alone.

Oh man, just skip over this post right now, because I'm about to slide into geekland so fast, you might spontaneously develop a pocket-protector just by reading it.

So the new Harry Potter comes out first thing Saturday morning. I am ridiculously excited about this prospect. A 23 year-old should not be this into what basically is a children's phenomenon. And yet, here we are, wondering if I know any small children that I could borrow so I would have a legitimate excuse to get the book at midnight like the rest of the crazies. (Answer: No, I have not fallen that far. Yet. Also, I don't know any small children. (Apparently Frank doesn't count.))

I'm sure I've gone over this before, but I'm too lazy to look it up. Harry Potter books are the literary equivalent of crack cocaine. Probably not good for you in the long run, but absolutely impossible to stop once started. There are a few authors in the world that ruin me. Basically, I am so easily sucked into their prose that once I start, everything else in the world gets put on hold (up to and including: sleep, bathing, work, family, friends, and bodily injuries needing immediate medical attention) until I get finished. The two worst offenders of this are Orson Scott Card and JK Rowling. Honorable mentions go to Tolkien, Douglas Adams (which isn't too bad because there are only about 6 books in that whole group and they're all short), and Steven King (which is a million times worse, because there are 2000 books and they're all over-long and not that great.).

It's hard to explain the Harry Potter obsession, except to say that Rowling draws out very convincing characters. There are three things I am a sucker for in literature: Good characterization, a very well mapped universe, and a gripping plot. To explain further

• Characterization: This is where Card and Rowling always get me, by creating very real and accessible characters, enough so that you actively care about people that exist in a book. Card does this effortlessly and is great at tossing in compelling bit characters only to grind them to dust 10 pages later. Rowling builds up characters slowly and inexorably so that by the time you're 5 or 6 books in, you've got serious emotional ties to everyone in the plot. The sign that you're too into a fictional story: when you hear that a major character is going to die in the next book you have severe emotional reactions discussing the possibilities. (Aside [SPOILER]: I swear to God, if she kills off Lupin, I will be useless for weeks. Peter has a silver hand. Lupin is a werewolf. You have no idea how much pain these facts cause me daily. It's like the most protracted telegraphed punch ever.)
• Immersive Universe: This one is interesting, because I forgive a lot of bad stuff if you're at least consistent across the board. I love when people make up an entire ruleset and go with it. Rowling and her hidden magical side to the world. Tolkien and his complete exhaustive history of Middle Earth(there are actual languages involved). Terry Pratchett and his Discworld mythos. Also included, the craptacular Star Wars novelizations, of which I have read all, just because there's such a convincing background to it all. I don't know exactly why I find this so compelling, but attention to detail and expansiveness is a huge turn on to me (In a literature sense. God.).
• Nice Plot: This is the cop out one, but if you've got a good story to tell and can do it without even giving me the chance to lose interest, you win.

All that to say that Harry Potter has them all down, in spades. Which is why I'm hooked.

Also, I will be completely holed up once the weekend begins and will not come out until I am finished, because I really don't want any portion of the book to be spoiled for me. I still have flashbacks to how close I came to missing out on Book 5. An all-purpose bit of advice for everyone: If you do not want the ending of the most popular kid's book in the world ruined for you, do not work in a summer camp with 8 million children who have already had an extra week to read it before you. This time since I'm relatively a hermit anyways I should be fine, but will take no chances.

And I think I've pretty much maxed out my unattractiveness factor at this point. We'll leave the geekdom right there.

Would it help my sex appeal if I talked about sports for a bit? How about that Home-Run Derby, eh? I am told by Jim that it was quite the display of manly ruggedness.

Yeah, okay, I'll stop.