Belligerent and Numerous: Influx of Insults

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Influx of Insults

Scene One

So on Sunday when we were out picking up the movies for the party, I got a nice little jab to my ego at the checkout counter.

Cashier: Credit? Can I see your ID?

[Jason flashes the ID]

Cashier: [looks up at Jason, gives him the eye] Uh. Okay. [Goes back to typing] That doesn't really look like you.

Jason: ....?

Cashier: I mean, don't take this offensively, but it looks like someone much younger.

Jason: [dies]

Cashier: No! I just mean....like...the facial hair. Yeah. Totally.

Frank: [explodes from the combined total of the irony of the situation and his no-commenting]

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Sigh. It's just not fair. It wasn't even my birthday! Frank is the old one! Do these people even know what kind of funk a comment like that can throw a homosexual into? A pit of despair out of which there is no escape.

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Scene Two

[Today at work. Jason is washing his hands at the sink in the bathroom. Guy he knows walks over to the other sink, also starts washing.]

Guy I Know: Hey.

Jason: Hey.

GIK: Have a nice weekend?

Jason: Oh, you know, pretty good. You?

GIK: [finishes washing, turns to grab a paper towel, turning in Jason's direction] Oh yeah, good stu...[catches sight of Jason] Oh! So, wow. Your hair.

Jason: [The fuck?] Hmm?

GIK: I...uh...no. It's just, your hair has sort of reached...crisis proportions, hasn't it? [upon Jason's look of bewilderment] Or, you know, maybe that's what you're going for? I gotta go. [Runs off]

-----------------------------

I....what? I will give him huge props because he accidentally quoted one of my favorite lines from Daria, but the fact remains. He called my hair a crisis. Okay, maybe it's a little long on top. And maybe it's pointing straight up in the front. And maybe it adds 3.5 inches to my height at its apex. Still. Crisis proportions? Really?

In conclusion, this is why I don't talk to people.

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Where My Opinions Count

(500) Days of Summer - Let's start with the caveat that this movie is nothing but a stacked deck against me. You've got Joseph Gordon-Levitt (seriously my favorite actor in the world), in a funny role of a guy unsure of what he wants to do with his professional life while his love life is in constant turmoil. Oh, and Regina Spektor songs keep playing in the background. If there is such a thing as a movie marketed directly to me, this is it. But y'all, this movie is so good. Not in a traditional storyline sense. Or even in an acting sense (although JGL is on fire the entire way through). It's about the feeling it gives you - liberally borrowing from every cliche available - musicals, old black and white cinema, jumping timelines, everything - all working in concert to give you the feeling of a relationship as it ends, and the things you remember. The overrall impression is so great that I forgive the minor quibbles I have (hammy sidekicks are over the top, Zooey Deschanel is playing her stock character #2, much as she has for the last 4 things I've seen her in). This is my movie of the year, right here. Absolutely stunning.
Push - So much better than I was expecting that I may have wrapped myself so far around that I actually enjoyed it. There are some terrible, terrible parts (the Casio-grade Music of Love that they played every time that Chris Evans and Camilla Belle were in the same room, for instance). But Dakota Fanning was pretty great, and I'm up for anything that gives Cliff Curtis or Ming-Na more work. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's kinda too bad that it tanked - I could totally be up for a sequel.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - Got my nerd on and wrote a whole boring essay on it.
Let The Right One In - A good movie that gets better the more I think on it. Despite being a mildly gory vampire movie, it's surprisingly subtle. They don't try to hit you over the head with anything, it's all underplayed. The mother's soft neglect, the father's hints of homosexuality, even the parallels that can be drawn between particular characters - nothing jumps out at you. That, combined with the natural way that Oskar and Eli's relationship is handled, paints something like a real life picture that just happens to have a vampire somewhere in there. It's more than a little unsettling, especially the way the bullying keeps escalating as the movie continues. Overall, the movie's a little methodical for my tastes (I like my supernatural horror scary, not just ungodly depressing) but it's undeniably a great film.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - So bad I exceeded the character limit. If you care enough: Go Here
The Hangover - Delightfully vulgar and meandering. That's pretty much my the sum of my thoughts. "Genuinely and shockingly funny" is another soundbyte I could add in there as well. After seeing his Fiona Apple music video, I always assumed Zach Galifianakis would remain an unacknowledged American treasure forever, since the combination of that plus his standup act had still left him in obscurity against all odds. But I am gleefully overjoyed to be proven wrong. May he blossom and go on to larger-scale fame. He made this movie.