9 Reasons Why Flightplan is Nothing Like Panic Room

(Rampant, Rampant Spoilers ahead, for every movie Jodie Foster has ever starred in, particularly Flightplan and Panic Room, but possibly even the original 70's version of Freaky Friday and that horrible Nell. Don't say I didn't warn you.)

This weekend Flightplan, starring the irrepressible Jodie Foster, opened at #1 in the box office, taking in over 24 million dollars in its first weekend. Despite this impressive debut, many laypeople have scoffed at Ms. Foster's latest theatrical offering, calling it nothing more than Panic Room on a Plane.

I must admit, even I may have been tempted to such comparisons. The two movies may at first glance seem very similar - Jodie Foster as a single mother protecting her young daughter in extraordinary circumstances in a claustrophobic atmosphere.

But I am here fresh off a viewing of said Flightplan and I must make it known that the two movies couldn't be more different. In fact, I now present 9 Reasons Why Flightplan is Nothing Like Panic Room:

1. In Flightplan, the daughter Jodie Foster is protecting is only 9. In Panic Room, the daughter was, like, at least 12.
2. In Flightplan, one of the bad guys is Only-Okay-Looking-But-Really-Good-Actor Peter Sarsgaard. In Panic Room, one of the bad guys was Really-Good-Looking-But-Only-Okay-Actor Jared Leto.
3. In Flightplan, the daughter goes unconscious due to drugs unknown. In Panic Room, the daughter goes unconscious due to insulin shock.
4. In Flightplan, there is overt racial stereotyping of Arab-Americans as terrorists. In Panic Room, the racial stereotyping is more of an undercurrent and it focuses on African-Americans as burglars.
5. In Flightplan, Jodie Foster clocks a bad guy in the face with a fire extinguisher. In Panic Room, she uses a sledgehammer.
6. In Flightplan, Jodie Foster's husband is thrown off a roof. In Panic Room, he just gets tied to a chair and beaten to a bloody pulp.
7. In Flightplan, the bad guys are after 50 million dollars to be wired into an offshore account. In Panic Room, the bad guys want 22 million dollars in bearer bonds. That's a difference of 28 million dollars!
8. In Flightplan, when Jodie Foster causes an explosion she incinerates the bad guy. In Panic Room, Jodie's explosion only incinerates the bad guy's dreadlocks.
9. At the end of Flightplan, when Jodie Foster and her daughter walk away unharmed, the screen fades to white. At the end Panic Room, when they walk away unharmed, the screen fades to black.

See? Totally different movies, y'all.

Also, keep your eyes open for Jodie Foster's next totally different movie, Habitat, in which she and her 6 year-old daughter are trapped in a futuristic underwater habitat in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and are terrorized by, ...lets say Asians (Led by BD Wong - Good Looking and Good Actor) who want 100 million dollars in gold doubloons. Little do they know that Jodie is a brilliant scientist who designed the habitat herself.