Creative Death

As God as my witness, I refuse to keep resorting to movie reviews to take up blog space. I will post something witty and insightful for once (Lies!) and ignore all the movies I went to this weekend (Broken Flowers, very good, very awkward. Cry_Wolf, much better than I expected, still supremely lame.)

Instead I'm going to discuss food. So I've been completely remiss this week in actually getting up early enough to make up my little lunch to put in a little paper sack to bring with me to my little workplace. I now get up 10 minutes before I need to leave the house and then spend wads of money going out to lunch, a practice that will no doubt bankrupt me at the earliest opportunity.

But this has left me with a very intimate knowledge of all the fast food restaurants within a 15 minute radius of my office. There are few life lessons to be learned from this, but the ones that I've gathered are very close to my heart.

1. The Cabo Chicken Sandwich from Quiznos might be the single most delicious sandwich on the entire planet. And I have eaten a lot of sandwiches. This thing combines basically everything that I love in sandwich-form: chicken, guacamole, bacon, melty cheese, and tangy spicy dressing all housed in the exact portion that I can eat the entire thing and feel exactly full. I know I'm gushing about a sandwich, but I don't care, because it is that good.
2. Wendy's is nice and ridonkulosly cheap, but I seem physically incapable of going in there without making a fool of myself. It's either a trip and fall with all my food, or I run into the pull door thinking it's a push, or I get distracted and order a "Sour cheese baked potato" or what have you. I almost never go there anymore, out of sheer superstitious fear.
3. McDonald's houses every manner of crazed wacko that you can find in a restaurant, all day long. However, there are always a lot of lone people reading books there, just like me, so I feel very at home among the wackos. Plus, I swear their fries have actually gotten more delicious over the past 3 months. When they do my autopsy, I feel confident that my cause of death will be listed as "Whole McDonald's french fry lodged in his aorta." And I'm okay with that.
4. Taco Cabana is easily the least hygienic restaurant on the face of the Earth. I clean my kitchen at most once every 8 days and by that final day I usually get to it by remarking "This is exactly how the Black Plague got started." And yet, Taco C makes that place look like a sterile lab. Still, the food is delicious and features the best food-to-money-spent ratio of all the major chains (Taco Bell not included, as there is not one within my 15 minute radius).
5. Subway is sort of gross, yo. But it gets the title of Chain Closest to my Office, so I go there most often. I don't know what alleged-genius came up with that whole toasted sub thing, but that toaster oven in Subway is basically the exact opposite of what makes Quiznos' toasted subs good. Everything that comes out of that half-microwave/half-toaster spawn of Satan tastes the same, sort of metallic and crunchy, like old croutons that have been exposed to too much iron. Blech.

That's all I got, although I'm gonna go ahead and put out a notice - everyone in the world needs to try the Southern Catfish from Good Eats that they have on special on Monday nights. It's the goddamn best fish that's ever fished, anywhere. Tastes like awesome.