So all the birds have apparently flown south for the winter. And by "south", I mean "to Dallas." And by "Dallas", I mean "the trees directly outside my window."
By my estimate, there are approximately 80 bajillion birds who now live around my apartment complex. And in the morning, they are the loudest thing in the world. And in that hyperbole, I'm including the guys with the backhoe and jackhammer who were working on the lot next to the hippie commune church next door. The birds will not be denied. The caw-caw-cawing, all the flapping, the occassional pecking out of the eyes of my neighbors who are out walking their many dogs. How is a man supposed to sleep, I ask you? Nothing cuts into a restful morning's sleep like the screams of the innocent.
Not only that, but the poor Truck of Malfunction is covered in a layer of bird crap so powerful that the entire weekend's worth of thunderstorms did nothing but chemically bond it to the TOM's frame forever (I think it was some sort of mutant-acid rain. This is Dallas, after all.).
When I drive home from work, I drive down this tree-lined street next to a shopping center. There are so many birds flying overhead, that everyone has to turn their headlights on for the length of the road. The birds have eclipsed the sun, that's how far we have fallen.
Yesterday, I was taking out the trash and the nice little girl from upstairs was throwing a ball up the landing to her mom. This is the part of the conversation I overheard:
Cute Little Girl: "Mom, why are there so many birds here?"
Mom (sounds v. tired): "I don't know, honey. Maybe they like it here."
CLG: "Well I hate them."
Mom: "I hate them too, baby."
CLG: "Can't somebody just shoot them all?"
Mom: "Maybe someone will."
CLG: "Can I shoot some?"
Mom: "Maybe tomorrow, honey."
I have the most awesome neighbors.
4 comments:
I found you from Miss Kitty's new and wonderful cability to link!
This is really funny, crappy, but funny!
I've never in my life heard of such an atrocity of birds...I must tell you I am not a big fan of birds interrupting my sleep. Outside my window is a tree and in that tree lives A bird. That one bird is my sleep's nemesis...motherf*r won't shut up! I've taken my screen out and thrown stuff at it to get it to fly away. In the end, it always comes back...
Good luck, I feel for you.
Oh and "sorry about your car man, that sucks."
I'm pretty sure that you invent these crazy conversations in your head. No one is that insane in real life.
Dude, you've been to my apartment, you know everyone who lives there is insane. I will admit that was an edited conversation - there was a thing in the middle about throwing the ball into the parking lot that really wasn't germane to the whole shooting birds thing.
-----------
In other exciting news, the rain yesterday did wonders for the TOM. I think the problem was its proximity to the trees, rather than the chemical makeup of the rain.
^^PinkKitty...he's so not lying about the pie a day thing. He's insane! I'm convinced that he has an eating disorder. He's like 40 pounds or something.
Post a Comment