First off, let me say that I know that I'm not fat. As I've said before, I thank God every day for my metabolism and the fact that I can eat an entire cake in a day and not gain a pound.
That being said, Dear GOD, you would not believe what happened to me last week. Okay, I'm at work, doing work related things, filing and calling and staring off into space and whatnot. I get a call from the front desk that there is a delivery for my office. So I head up there to get it.
[Scene: Front Desk at Jason's Office. Jason walks up.]
Jason: Hi [Cool Secretary Who Runs The Joint]. You said you had a package for me?
CSWRTJ: Oh yeah. Here you go. (she easily picks up a box and places it on her desk)
[It should be noted here that CSWRTJ is about 75 and is a tiny woman.]
Jason: Thanks (Goes to pick up the box.) OOooff. (The box is rather heavy, by Jason standards.)
CSWRTJ: You okay there?
Jason (straining): Oh...yeah...no...problem...
[Jason takes one step backwards. *SNAP* The buckle on his belt literally pops off from the rest of the belt, somehow managing to disengage from the little hole it was in, flys 2 feet forward and lands with an excellent THUNK at the feet of CSWRTJ.]
CSWRTJ: (hiding some laughter) Uhhhh...
Jason's Brain: Dude, your belt just popped off. You've gained so much weight your clothes can no longer hold you. What is going on here? This secretary is trying sooo hard not to laugh at you right now. You must find some way to gracefully exit the situation. Perhaps a joke to ease the pain.
Jason: Uhhhh...could you hand me that? Heh heh. Guess I shouldn't have had that extra donut this morning, huh?
CSWRTJ (Goes from hiding laughter to a stone cold expression the moment the joke is finished): Ha. ha. (completely faked). Sure.
Jason's Brain: Yeah, not so much, chief. Abort! Abort!
Jason (completely embarrassed, as per usual): Thanks! (runs off into the sunset. And by runs off, I mean slowly struggles out of the main office with the huge weight that is the box. And into the sunset, I mean into the hallway out of sight so that he can drop the box and attempt to, in some way, fix his belt. He is unsuccessful.)
And did I mention that this happened at 10:00 in the morning, so I had to go through the entire day like this? Eventually I just abandoned the belt in favor of the oh-so-glamourous dress pants hanging off the hips look. Because I've become a damn high school punk, what with the low hanging pants, even in an office setting.
I still don't understand why the belt exploded as such. I'd like to imagine I have some The Incredible Hulk like powers of growth and strength, but really it's best not to delude oneself too much in a single day.
1 comment:
don't stain yourself Jason! Perhaps it was the owrk of an Ump! They are quite mischievious.
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