"Horace is a Carrot" - A Short Story

Once upon a time, there was a carrot named Horace. All that Horace wanted to do in his life was grow up to be the main dish at a fancy restaurant. But everyone always told him, 'Carrots are not main courses. Carrots are side dishes.' Even his mom. But she was eaten by an industrious rabbit, so he didn't put much stock in what she said. So every day he did his best to become the perfect carrot, so one day he would be picked and sent to a gourmet restaurant, which would complete the first stage of his plan.

And indeed, he became one of the best carrots in the world. He was picked and as luck would have it, he was sent in a shipment to the opening of a new gourmet restaurant in New York. But still, he had no plan on how to become a main course. Everyone was right, there was no place for a carrot in a main course. People want starches or protein as a main course. Roots are always pushed aside.

But he refused to give up!

He tried many bold and daring plans to become part of the main dish. On the first day, he inched his way out of the vegetable bin and creeped towards the stove where the main course was made, in the hope that someone might see him and put him in. But alas, someone saw him and threw him back into the bin.

And he was very sad.

The next day he tried to disguise himself as part of the ingredients in the filet mignon dish, but when the chef saw him he said “Bah, vhat iz this karrot duuing in my ingredientz?" and threw him back in the bin.

And Horace was sad again.

The third day was Horace's last chance, because the restaurant always threw away old vegetables three days after they came in. 'It's hopeless!' Horace thought. 'Mom was right, I'll never be a main course.' And Horace contemplated suicide.

'Anything is better than becoming part of a salad.'

So he decided to become part of a main course in his spectacular suicide. He would throw himself into the pasta maker, killing himself, while at the same time making him part of the pasta which was part of the main course that night.

'It's better than nothing.' Horace decided.

But still, he was sad, never actually realizing his dream of becoming a main course. So the night went on, and he slowly carried out his plan. he inched his way out of the salad bin and across the counter to the pasta maker. It was with a heavy heart that he began to toss himself into the mix, when suddenly the doors to the kitchen burst open!

'Nobody move! This is a surprise health inspection,' the health inspector said.

Horace froze, afraid to give away his position when everyone was so quiet. Slowly, the health inspector went around checking all the stations for any health code violations. All went well until he reached the pasta maker.

'What is this carrot doing out here on the counter? This is most unsanitary. He's in the main course preparation area. What if someone were allergic to carrots? There could be a lawsuit. I'm afraid I'm going to have to write you up and shut you down.'

Horace was mortified. He had ruined the restaurant all because of his irrational wish. 'Vait. Vait, Eww doo not undeerstand.' The chef said to the health inspector, thinking quickly. 'Zee karrot, he is part ov a new main deeesh I am creating. Called Carrot....um....Carrot Vesuvius! It will be my finest creation!' 'Yeah right.' Said the health inspector. 'Everyone knows carrots are only side dishes.'

But the chef grabbed Horace up and began to spotaneously create a carrot main course. He specially peeled him an set him in a bed of pasta, pointing upward, and added decorative garnishes and finished it off with a healthy does of pasta sauce, like hot lava running down the side of a mountain. 'See? Is the perfect creation. C'est magnifique!'

'Well I suppose it's not a violation then,' admitted the health inspector. 'It's very interesting. Good luck then.' And the health inspector left.

'Whew, that vas a close von. Ah well, at least I have a nice new main dish for tonight.' said the chef.

Thus Horace fufilled his lifetime wish to become a main course, and he was the happiest carrot who ever lived.

While Carrot Vesuvius became all the rage in the avant garde scene in New York. And everyone lived happily ever after.

The End.

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And y'all can just be quiet, because I love my story. I don't care what anyone says.