Unsent Letters to the World

Note: For maximum effect, this entry should be read aloud to music, a la Alanis Morrissette's song Unsent. Because I am alt rock like that.

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To: The driver of the white Infinity on Highway 75
Re: Driving Etiquette

Dear sir,
For future reference, if you are going to drive on the highway, please recognize that a) there are other people on the road, b) weaving in and out of traffic at 80 mph during the lunch hour can be dangerous, especially if c) you don't use turn signals, and d) have your goddamn trunk open with crap falling out of it. At least one of us (who happened to be driving a truck of malfunction) was hit by a freakin' tennis ball that sailed out of said open trunk. You'd best watch your back.

Love,
The Other Drivers of Dallas

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To: Snooty Bank Teller
Re: Yesterday's Deposit

Hi there,
I'm not sure if this has ever been mentioned to you, but your job (bank teller, in case you forgot) is to help customers by taking their deposits, issuing out money, and other such bank-like duties. It is not, as you seem to believe, to sit over in the back by the vault and read Us Weekly, smacking your gum, whilst the customers mill about in the lobby. Especially when you are the only person at the bank, since you are the afternoon courtesy teller. And when the customers actually get you to come over and help them, try not to act like it is the largest inconvenience in the history of your short life.

Also, I'm an incredibly liberal kind of guy, but even I think it's a bit much for a male bank teller to be wearing a fake diamond earring, and what I can only assume was face glitter, to work. I mean, rock that on your own time, yo. It's just sort of creepy in a professional setting.

Sincerely,
Jason and the other customers over in Oak Lawn
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To: World of Warcraft
Re: Our Time Together

You know I love you baby, but I'm starting to get addicted. My hunter needs new boots and is just shy of learning the multi-shot. My gnome is about to learn the next level of frost armor and I haven't even been playing my alt warrior. My other relationships are starting to wane. I don't even remember what Tales of Symphonia looks like anymore. And I think the last time I saw a human being outside of work or in my apartment was over 4 days ago. I might have to pull the plug on this whole thing. It will be for the best.
.
.
.
Don't look at me like that.
.
.
.
Oh, who am I kidding. I'll see you tonight. You're like a drug to me. It's always you, baby. You know that, right?

Love,
Jason

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To: Cute Teller at Bank #2
Re: Our Future

Dear Cute Bank Teller,
You're really cute. Let's get married. We would be blissfully happy and have beautiful, fiscally-minded children. They would understand both the mortgage industry and be able to handle money efficiently. If, y'know, we could have children. Which is a stumbling block, I admit, but no good relationship comes without trials. I know we have only known each other through three bank transactions totaling 5 minutes of face time, but I know a connection when I see one. You and your bank smarts and your power tie complete me. Call me.

Love,
Jason