Baby It's Cold Outside

One of my random tasks at work is to manage the multiple bank accounts for the different companies that operate out of my office. This usually involves much driving around to the different bank locations and waiting in a bunch of lobbies, which is never much fun.

One of the (usually) lucky things is that two of the bank accounts are held at banks which have branches in the big shopping center next to my office building. So for those I can just jaunt outside and take a quick lap around the center by foot and not have to waste time getting my TOM out of the garage and all that nonsense. (Plus, I'm still sort of skittish about driving since the bagging lady incident.)

Only today, it is freaking cold outside. Not like "kill me now here comes the snow" weather but more, "insidious frosty winds that penetrate all fabrics and your soul" weather. And of course, I still have no work-appropriate jacket, so when I headed out on the errands today, I didn't even think to look for something to cover up with.

Oh my God, my work clothes provide no help whatsoever in protection from the elements. And now that I examine my garb closely while in the warmth of my office, yeah these things are made of nothing but micro-thin synthetic fabrics. If it weren't for the fact that I'm wearing all-cotton undershirt and boxers, I'd probably be dead of exposure right now.

But in any case, I step outside and it is like a slap to the face. And ears, and arms, and pretty much the entire body. I really just want to run back inside and drink a gallon of coffee, but I soldier on with my job and head off towards the shopping center.

To get there, I have to pass through our courtyard that delineates the middle of the two towers of my office building. There is this huge-ass fountain in the middle of it that generally sprays 50 jets of water up in a cute little marble circle about ten feet in the air. Luckily (or so it would seem) they have lowered the water pressure and it is barely running any water at all on this particular, viciously cold, day. I walk by, completely oblivious, until suddenly it turns on full blast, right after I passed it. Shocked by my good fortune, I almost skip down the stairs, happy that I missed getting soaked by about 7 seconds.

As soon as I have my back turned to the fountain, a huge icy gust of wind comes up and I am drenched across my back with what I can only describe as the coldest water I have ever felt in my entire life, save that time I was at Lake Michigan in Chicago on December 28 when I was 10 and stuck my hand in because I didn't believe my dad that it was 'really cold.'

So, I had to complete the rest of my journey with my back slowly icing over and the pneumonia festering as fast as it could fester. Which was fun.

Oh, and then. So I'm heading back to the office after all the drop offs have been done. Another really cold gust of wind comes up and I groan inwardly, but then I feel a really cold breeze, um, south of the border. Which I have felt a couple of times today, but never really paid attention to. Careful examination of my person reveals that throughout the entire day, from the morning meeting with the affiliates, greeting the courier, talking to my boss and the partners, joking with the secretaries, at lunch, and through all the drops I just did, my fly has been wide open. Ever since I got dressed at dawn and failed to properly secure myself.

So that's awesome, as well.