Bad Habits

I cannot stop any of the following:

• Biting my nails. I think it's more of a perfectionist thing than anything. I can't stand it when my nails look or feel uneven. So I bite them to get them more orderly, but then they are uneven in a different way and I have to continue biting them until, well you know, Doom. That's a little more OCD than I like to sound this early in the day, but whatever.
• Running my hands through my hair. Especially now that it's all long and unmanageable. Which is no good at all, because when I do mess with my hair, it retains the direction my hands took. Which makes me look all wild-haired and shifty. Or "more shifty" as the case may be. Sometimes when I go to the bathroom at work, when I go to wash my hands I physically recoil when I see my reflection in the mirror. Thank God I don't speak to many people face to face at this place.
• Saying the word 'totally.' Because I am an incredibly shallow 13 year old girl, apparently.
• Talking to Edgar in the TOM. Talking to inanimate objects is creepy, I am told. Naming said objects and then talking to them? More creepy. Blaming external events on the named object and discussing the blame with them? Apparently that's when people just start to back away slowly, no sudden moves, and don't make eye contact.
• Doing the little good-luck superstition move whenever I drive through a yellow light, wherein I kiss my hand and touch the ceiling of the TOM. I don't remember when I picked it up, probably from friend Brint back in the day, but now it's weird and automatic. And I totally (shit, see?) don't even realize that I'm doing it until someone calls me on it, and then I try and be all nonchalant about it, but they just look at me funny and sigh. I find it sad that I've become That Weird Guy. But that's a whole other topic.
• Using random quotes from Daria episodes in real life. This isn't a big deal to anyone except me, since I'm the only one who has watched a Daria episode in the past 3 years, but it annoys me to no end when I say something and then think "I totally stole that from someone. Where did it come from?" Because it's almost always some throw-away line from Daria and I feel very unoriginal. Stupid lack of imagination and/or conversational skills.
• Making really bad jokes in business related situations. This so not good, but it's one of those nervous tics that I picked up from my dad. I always add some stupid comment to the end of any stream of information that I give, or receive, that is completely irrelevant and grinds the flow of the conversation to a halt. It is usually accompanied by The Stare of Why Don't You Shut Up and Go Somewhere Else, which just makes things worse. And no one ever laughs. Because, really, who would?

One might say that since we're this close to the end of the year, it might be a good time for some New Year's Resolutions to fix some of these issues. I say "Nuts to That." I am an individual and I don't care what "The Man" or "Polite Society" or "Everybody Else in the World" says. If I'm already That Weird Guy, I'll be the weirdest damned Weird Guy out there. Dammit.