Destination: Alcoholism

I am on a serious furniture kick lately. The bookshelf/rearrangement process from a couple of weeks ago seems to have fueled my innate desire for the finer things in life. Well, if by "finer things" you mean, "beautiful dark-wood-looking yet wildly cheap knock-offs."

You see, for about 2 months, I have been coveting this particular wine cabinet from Target. I have always wanted a classy place to store all my potential liquors. And this one was almost too perfect: It has a fold out serving top, two swinging doors to hold your wine and wine glasses, two big shelves for your fine liquors, and two drawers to hold all your related alcohol paraphernalia.

The big bonus, though, was the price, which was approximately half that of any similar cabinet that I had ever seen. But lo those many months I had other purchases that took precedence, like bookshelves, Christmas presents, and food. Then about 2 weeks ago, I happened to be in Target and idly wandered by the furniture department and found that sucker on 40% off sale.

To say that I wanted the cabinet was an understatement that defies common convention. I was going to have that unit, no matter what. They had no boxes on the shelf, so I immediately grab one of the salespeople and breathlessly ask if they have any in the back. She says that she thinks there is one left somewhere, and goes to check, telling me to stay right there. I am practically drooling at this point.

Between the time when she leaves until she reappears, I become some wild animal protecting his nest: three different people wander by and start commenting on the cabinet.

"Hey, this is really nice! And it's 40% off," says one very tall customer.
"Uh, yeah, sorry. They're all totally sold out. Too bad." I say. I am very forceful. I may or may not have made little shoo-ing motions with my hands at the tall guy.
"Oh, that's too bad. Well maybe the display unit is on sale." This guy is a sneaky bastard, I'll give him that. (I hadn't even considered that idea, dammit.)
"Ohh, uh...nope! I already asked. It's a drag, I know. It's so cool, right? But maybe better luck next time!" This time the shoo-ing motions are real and pronounced.
"Uh, yeah..." The distrust in his eyes is obvious. He sees my fanaticism, I am too obvious in my machinations. I am wildly scared that he will ask why I'm waiting around and the jig will be up. I try to think up some excuse for my loitering, but can find no plausible excuse. I actively wonder if I could take him in hand-to-hand combat (final decision: uh, no.) Finally after an eternity he wanders off. I am able to breath once again.

The next two people are easier sells, and I successfully defend my turf with a quick and decisive "Oh, I already asked and they are sold out," combined with a dismissive flip of the head.

The whole thing proves for naught, though, when she comes back with the sad news that they don't have any in the back. And when I inquire about the display unit (thanks, sneaky tall guy) she explains that it's been bolted to the shelf and the back is full of holes.

Y'all, you do not understand the level of crushing disappointment that I felt. I had considered that cabinet as a member of my own family. Apparently the horror was evident on my face, as the salesgirl practically fell over herself telling me not to worry, because surely one of the other Targets in the DFW area would have one in stock. I am slightly mollified, but still near tears.

She manages to track down one unit at a nearby store which I acquire with much less drama than one would expect given the first round of theatrics. I didn't even have to lie to one person at the second (obviously superior) store.

And once it was put together, it is awesome. Remember, it's not alcoholism if the liquor comes out of an amazingly fancy cherry wood cabinet. We had a hugely successful bar initiation party over the weekend to celebrate my even newer-found newfound adulthood, in which the liquors flowed freely and deliciously.

This is a very slippery slope, however, since now I really want a new matching dining room table and chairs, and of course new end tables in the living room, not to mention a new matching entertainment center for the TV...