Valen-whats?

Because I've gone over, in exacting detail previously, how much I hate this "holiday," we're not going to discuss it anymore. I firmly plan on spending my night at home with a bottle of wine and my new copy of the first season of Grey's Anatomy and it's going to be awesome and only a little bit commercial. So there.

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Instead, since I forgot to do it earlier, we're going to discuss the Oscars, and how much I love them. I mean, I understand empirically that they're basically worthless and go on forever, but the whole thing is still near and dear to my heart. And this year I was mucho impressed with the nominations, so it's doubly exciting.

Because I am feeling very detailed today, we will go through the whole damnable list:

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Capote"
Terrence Howard in "Hustle & Flow"
Heath Ledger in "Brokeback Mountain"
Joaquin Phoenix in "Walk the Line"
David Strathairn in "Good Night, and Good Luck."

Things you need to know beforehand: 1) I love Brokeback Mountain, 2) I refuse to see Walk The Line, for reasons that can only be called mean spirited, 3) In Cold Blood is a really good book.

Jason's Conclusion: Heath Ledger really needs to win this, but if Hoffman takes it, I won't whine too much. And I don't care how much I like Mssr. Phoenix, I really hope he doesn't come close. Aside: I love that Terrance Howard got nominated, just on principle, and Hustle & Flow is my next rental.

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
George Clooney in "Syriana"
Matt Dillon in "Crash"
Paul Giamatti in "Cinderella Man"
Jake Gyllenhaal in "Brokeback Mountain"
William Hurt in "A History of Violence"

Jason's Conclusion: I'm sorry, but I don't get the Clooney. Can't explain, but yeah no, nothing doing. And I hate Matt Dillon's face. I don't really like Paul Giamatti, but I can appreciate that he's a good actor, and I didn't come anywhere near A History of Violence. I thought Jake was very, very good and underrated in BM, so I hope he wins. But barring that (because...come on), I think Giamatti should get it.

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Judi Dench in "Mrs. Henderson Presents"
Felicity Huffman in "Transamerica"
Keira Knightley in "Pride & Prejudice"
Charlize Theron in "North Country"
Reese Witherspoon in "Walk the Line"

Jason's Conclusion: (Before anything else: I cannot believe that Gwyneth Paltrow did not get nominated for Proof. Easily the best bit of acting I saw all year, and...nothing. At any awards ceremony. She should fire her agent-type person. Anyways.) It finally comes down to it, a category wherein I haven't seen any of the movies nominated. Yes, I know, my reviewing card should be revoked. But that doesn't stop me from having an opinion. And it is - I love me some Reese Witherspoon and I love me some Keira Knightley, but again I'm anti-Walk the Line, so I root for Keira. Although if Reese wins, I will still feel a warm glow. Oh, and Felicity Huffman rules my TV world (do you people remember Sports Night? God, I loved that show.) but not my movie world. If she wins, that's cool too, though. I cannot lose in this round.

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Amy Adams in "Junebug"
Catherine Keener in "Capote"
Frances McDormand in "North Country"
Rachel Weisz in "The Constant Gardener"
Michelle Williams in "Brokeback Mountain"

Jason's Conclusion: My deepest and darkest secret: I really loved Junebug, to a ridiculous degree. Like, I may like it even more than Brokeback. Seriously. So Amy Adams needs to win this award. Hard. That said, I love every other actress nominated, Constant Gardner was excellent too, and Michelle Williams rocked that role unlike anything else. Really, its another one of those categories that I can't lose in. But yeah, Amy Adams all the way. (Aside that will make no sense to anyone who has not seen the movie: He just wanted to tape the meerkats for her! Oh, Benjamin McKenzie...)

Best animated feature film of the year
"Howl's Moving Castle" Miyazaki
"Tim Burton's Corpse Bride" Tim Burton and Mike Johnson
"Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit" Nick Park and Steve Box

Jason's Conclusion: Do we need to go over again how much I loved the Moving Castle? And how much I care that it didn't make a damn bit of sense (answer: none)? Good. So I want it to win. But I watched the Were-Rabbit last night, and it was pretty good, even though moving clay freaks me out. So it'll be okay if that one wins.

Achievement in directing
"Brokeback Mountain" Ang Lee
"Capote" Bennett Miller
"Crash" Paul Haggis
"Good Night, and Good Luck." George Clooney
"Munich" Steven Spielberg

Jason's Conclusion: Ang Lee should have won for Crouching Tiger and he needs to win this time too. Next!

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
"Brokeback Mountain" Gustavo Santaolalla
"The Constant Gardener" Alberto Iglesias
"Memoirs of a Geisha" John Williams
"Munich" John Williams
"Pride & Prejudice" Dario Marianelli

Jason's Conclusion: I can't believe I typed all that out just to say that I loved the music in The Constant Gardner and I hope it wins. My priorities are misplaced today.

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
"In the Deep" from "Crash" Lyric by Kathleen "Bird" York
"It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" from "Hustle & Flow" Lyric by Houston et al
"Travelin' Thru" from "Transamerica" Music and Lyric by Dolly Parton

Jason's Conclusion: How do you not vote for Dolly Parton here? I mean, okay, yes it is very cool that a song with the word "Pimp" in the title made it, but we already had the shocking thing when Eminem won all those many years ago. I am very sad that that song from Brokeback Mountain didn't get nominated, though. That was my jam, yo.

Other things that I don't really feel like listing out: Brokeback should win for best adapted screenplay, I liked Match Point enough to root for it for Original Screenplay, and I hope Batman Begins wins whatever the hell it was nominated for, just on principle. Anything else I don't care about, but would like to see King Kong win a bunch of technical stuff just because.

And last and least interesting:
Best motion picture of the year
"Brokeback Mountain"
"Capote"
"Crash"
"Good Night, and Good Luck."
"Munich"

Jason's Conclusion: Brokeback Mountain by a country mile. Reasons herein. "I wish I knew how to quit you, indeed."