A Book Post for My Own Benefit

So a few days back, Erin made a post about the Science Fiction and Fantasy section of The Guardian's '1000 Novels Everyone Must Read' series. Despite the fact that I think the entire process is completely ridiculous, I do love a good list of recommended science fiction, since my blind forays into the science fiction and fantasy sections of the library almost always end in terrifying disappointment and/or talking spirit wolves.

So, as a sort of exercise in keeping these things easily at my fingertips, and a chance to write up a little short form review of each, I'm making up a list of the books on the list I've already read, the ones I've tried to read and given up on, and the ones that I plan on reading in the coming days.

Plus as a bonus to myself, since we're still so early in the year, I'm going to make it my goal to get through the whole 'Planning to Read' section by the end of the year. Goals are awesome.

(Everything below the cut, because lord knows no one needs to read this whole thing)



Already Read
Douglas Adams: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Everyone's read it, so it's doubtful I could say anything important. Hilarious and unique, some of the most inventive prose and stories around. Pure love.

Isaac Asimov: Foundation - Almost certainly the driest book on the list. I made it through the trilogy, but it was almost a chore. Starts well and then fades, but still a classic.

Clive Barker: Weaveworld - Cliver Barker was basically the author of an entire phase of my high school reading life that I entitled: Super Weird Fantasy Time. This actually came out when I was in college and so the bloom was a little off the rose (I look back at some of his early stuff with total incredulity), but it's actually a pretty damn good book. I was shocked to see it on this list, though.

Lewis Carroll: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Read it for a paper in college, thought it was about as boring as you could get, and yet it's beautifully written and eminently quotable.

Michael Chabon: The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay - My favorite book in the entire world.

Susanna Clarke: Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell - Brilliant, but overlong. So many asides and subtle bits of humor it's astonishing. It was great to dig through once, but I don't think I'll ever bring myself to pull it off the shelf again. It's just too daunting.

Mark Danielewski: House of Leaves - Pure style and one of the scariest books I've ever read at times. That said, it thinks itself more important than it is, and some of the semiotics stuff is just filler. Still a great, great read.

Umberto Eco: Foucault's Pendulum - Picked this up based on its cover in the library in Orange of all things. Probably the book I was most proud of reading back in high school.

Neil Gaiman: American Gods - So good that I read it through twice, back to back. I don't think I've ever done that to a single other book. Still the best Gaiman thing to ever happen, in my opinion.

William Gibson: Neuromancer - Groundbreaking, but I read it way late in my science fiction career, so it seemed outdated. Still important to read.

William Golding: Lord of the Flies - Read it for high school. Respect it, but it makes me sad.

M John Harrison: Light - One of the only books I've ever read based on an author recommendation on the cover (it was Neil Gaiman, actually) and was completely blown away. One of my favorite novels in recent times.

Aldous Huxley: Brave New World - Read it for high school (twice) and college (once). I guess I'll never understand the allure of this book. Sorry.

Shirley Jackson: The Haunting of Hill House - Genuinely scary. I always forget how much I like Shirley Jackson's writing, and then when it's brought up, I'm almost at a loss for words.

Stephen King: The Shining - Probably the best written of King's earlier stuff. Second scariest, behind It. I've probably read this book at least 5 times. It's crazy good.

Toni Morrison: Beloved - My second favorite book that I was required to read at SMU (First: The Things They Carried). Such an interesting and unique story, and brilliantly written. It also holds the distinction of being the source of the worst grade I ever got on a paper in college (B-), despite the fact that I still think my analysis was spot on.

Audrey Niffenegger: The Time Traveler's Wife - I've talked about this before: I don't know if it was just my mental state, or the story, or the writing, but I straight up cried like a baby for the last 80 pages of this novel, and was an absolute wreck afterward. Enough so that I refuse to go back and read it again. So, I guess that counts as an endorsement?

Chuck Palahniuk: Fight Club - Ugh, lord save me from overly-stylized writing. Actually, not as bad as I'm probably projecting. I remember liking some of the trickier passages. But on the whole, I sort of wanted to punch this book in the face.

Alastair Reynolds: Revelation Space - In my mind this is the golden standard for all books in the Space Opera genre. Long and deeply engrossing, interesting characters, and a wholly realized and brilliant universe. I was so so so pleased to see this on the list.

JK Rowling: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - I get why it's on the list. It's still, by far, my least favorite of the series.

Salman Rushdie: The Satanic Verses - Read this back as a senior in high school for one of the final papers for AP English, when we were allowed to choose whatever we wanted. It's interesting as hell, but I think most of it went right over my head.

Antoine de Sainte-Exupéry: The Little Prince - Read it for French class. It still makes me sad, just thinking about it. I don't know why.

Mary Shelley: Frankenstein - Easily the best 'classical work' on the list, in my opinion. I love the way this story reads.

Dan Simmons: Hyperion - Oh man, I was so in love with this book when I read it. But I still haven't read any of the sequels, and the plot twist/cliffhanger ending of this book still haunts me. But yeah, should totally be here; it's one of the best pieces of science fiction I've ever read.

Neal Stephenson: Snow Crash - The most bad-assed science fiction book ever. It's lost its luster a bit in my mind, but no one can doubt the way it zips along, and just grabs you by the collar.

Robert Louis Stevenson: The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mr Hyde - Ugh, I was not a fan.

Bram Stoker: Dracula - Eh. I read it just so I could say that I read it. I didn't really see the allure.

Mark Twain: A Connecticut Yankee at King Arthur's Court - Probably my favorite Twain book of all. So interesting, and it keeps that Twain style that is so unique. Never takes more than two sentences to know exactly who the author is with him.

HG Wells: The Time Machine
HG Wells: The War of the Worlds - I read both of these together for the same assignment in high school. They're both good, but dated.

Tried and Gave Up

Greg Bear: Darwin's Radio - I have people who swear by Greg Bear the same way I swear by Alastair Reynolds, but I couldn't get more than 40 pages into this book.

Anthony Burgess: A Clockwork Orange - Tried to read to so that I could say that I'd read it, and was completely thrown off by the prose so hard that I returned it practically the next day.

Douglas Coupland: Girlfriend in a Coma - I loved Jpod with a fiery passion. Hey Nostradamus was brilliant and interesting. Girlfriend in a Coma made me want to kill myself before I was halfway through with the book. Stopped and never looked back.

Frank Herbert: Dune - This is on two lists, because I tried and then gave up in high school, but I've had so many people lately bring this book up that I'm determined to go back and finish it off.

Daniel Keyes: Flowers for Algernon - I remember picking this up for a comparative literature essay my freshman year, but I don't think I ever finished it. I certainly barely remember any of it if I did. But I have no desire to revisit it.

Cormac McCarthy: The Road - By far the book that the most people have recommended I read. I've tried several times - it's just the bleakest thing in the world. I can't make it, guys. Sorry.


Planning to Read
Nicola Barker: Darkmans
Poppy Z Brite: Lost Souls
Philip K Dick: The Man in the High Castle
Philip K Dick: Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
Joe Haldeman: The Forever War
Frank Herbert: Dune
Henry James: The Turn of the Screw
PD James: The Children of Men
Richard Matheson: I Am Legend
Haruki Murakami: The Wind-up Bird Chronicle - I have had this on request at the library for 3 months. I'm going to have to break down and just buy a copy, aren't I?
Christopher Priest: The Prestige
José Saramago: Blindness
Kurt Vonnegut: Slaughterhouse-Five - Ha, this isn't on the list, but it was mentioned in there, and I've been meaning to read it for ages.

Instant Oscars Review

I was so close this year, y'all. Within one movie of meeting my goal of seeing all the Oscar level movies I was gunning for before nominations came out. Damn you, The Reader! The Nazis always ruin everything.

So now, as always, I'll have to do initial impressions on the nominations without my hoped for level of movie seeing. Be prepared for some ultra crazy strong opinions of things I haven't come close to understanding.

Blogging! It's fantastic!

We'll start with the lesser categories, picking and choosing the ones that I have any opinion on, and then move on to the fancy acting ones where I will wail and gnash my teeth endlessly.

Original Screenplay
Frozen River, Written by Courtney Hunt
Happy-Go-Lucky, Written by Mike Leigh
In Bruges, Written by Martin McDonagh
Milk, Written by Dustin Lance Black
WALL-E, Screenplay by Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon, Original story by Andrew Stanton, Pete Docter

Only seeing 2 of the 5, I can't have a real opinion on this, but I think I would like to see WALL-E win out, although I have heard good things about In Bruges. But seriously, even though I love Milk with all my heart, the screenplay was straight up the worst thing about that movie.

Adapted Screenplay
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Screenplay by Eric Roth, Screen story by Eric Roth and Robin Swicord
Doubt, Written by John Patrick Shanley
Frost/Nixon, Screenplay by Peter Morgan
The Reader, Screenplay by David Hare
Slumdog Millionaire, Screenplay by Simon Beaufoy

See, if I had seen The Reader already, I could give a very convincing statement about this category (since I basically refuse to go see that Benjamin Button movie), but instead I'll just have to wing it. I thought that Slumdog Millionaire, while amazing, did not have the best writing; it was really the story that pushed it along. And while I love the dialogue in Frost/Nixon, the screenplay was waaay to stage-adapted for my tastes. Whereas I thought Doubt brilliantly handled the conversion to the screen, while keeping the strong dialogue intact.

Best Animated Feature Film of the Year
Bolt
Kung Fu Panda
WALL-E

Don't even play with me. WALL-E should be a best picture nominee, if there was any justice in the world. I do kinda want to see Bolt, though. Just a little.

Achievement in Directing
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, David Fincher
Frost/Nixon, Ron Howard
Milk, Gus Van Sant
The Reader, Stephen Daldry
Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle

This one I'm probably least objective about, but I would absolutely love it if Danny Boyle won. Not only because his movie is brilliantly shot, but he also made Sunshine and 28 Days Later, two of my absolute favorite movies ever.

Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role
Amy Adams in Doubt
Penélope Cruz in Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis in Doubt
Taraji P. Henson in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler

Now this right here is a perfectly fine category. I don't have a single objection to list, although I would have killed to get Rosemary Dewitt in there for Rachel Getting Married. Or Debra Winger. God, I really loved that movie. Anyways, I'm super jazzed about both of those Doubt noms, and I think Viola Davis will take it in a walk. Maybe last year will start a trend in this category: the best performance of the year will actually win.

Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role
Josh Brolin in Milk
Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman in Doubt
Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight
Michael Shannon in Revolutionary Road

And here we pause and take a quiet moment to grieve over my one great hope for the Oscars - no Emile Hirsch for Milk. I know it was hopeless, but still, I'm a little sad. Otherwise, though, it's a good category. Obviously Ledger will win, and everyone will be happy (and sad). But take note y'all. Every year, without fail, when I've seen 4 of the 5 nominations in this category and liked them all, the 5th one that I hadn't seen has won. On 3 separate occasions this has happened. What I'm saying is, watch out for Michael Shannon here.

Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role
Anne Hathaway in Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie in Changeling
Melissa Leo in Frozen River
Meryl Streep in Doubt
Kate Winslet in The Reader

Winslet is the one to beat here, I think. Which is awesome, since I irrationally love her and only want good things to happen to her. And I'm still bitter 3 or 4 years later that she didn't win for Eternal Sunshine. But I'm really pulling for Anne Hathaway in a way that almost shocks me. Such a good performance, I want her to win so bad. Did you see her give that toast? I almost melted. The rest of them, though, eh. Streep was good, but of all 4 acting noms for Doubt, I liked hers the least. I have no desire to ever see The Changling. And I've heard off-the-wall amazing praise for Melissa Leo, but I doubt there will ever even be the opportunity for me to see that movie.

Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role
Richard Jenkins in The Visitor
Frank Langella in Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn in Milk
Brad Pitt in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler

Another one where I don't really have a horse in the race. Obviously I've come to terms with it, and really want Sean Penn to win, but otherwise I'm not going to care too much. I guess I am going to have to see The Wrestler, even though I know it's only going to end badly and make me want to cry (I've learned my lesson: Darren Aronofsky lives only to make movies that depress the crap out of me).

Best Motion Picture of the Year
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

Weirdly, I thought this would be a lot closer in my mind, but it's Milk all the way. Slumdog Millionaire is the dark horse, and was great, but I've only got eyes for the one (although I still need to see The Reader). I mentioned it earlier, but I really and truly have no desire or inclination to see that Benjamin Button movie. It looks long, and unappealing, and ever since one of my friends told me that the plot basically mirrors Forrest Gump, I've actively tried to not see it. Which has sort of put a damper on my Oscar fever this year, since it's nominated in basically every category.

Ah well.

Better luck next year.

Big Honking Movie List 2008

Woo for annual traditions. As always, this is the list of every new movie I saw that was technically released in 2008. The list is then sorted by order of preference and divided into 5 categories: Hate, Dislike, Eh, Good, and Great. Theoretically this helps me sort out my feelings as we enter into serious awards time, but as usual it's mostly just an arbitrary mish-mash of conflicting emotions. (Which is better Stop-Loss, or Baby Mama? Of course there is a right answer!)

And also, wow, my movie consumption is way, way down this year. Mostly due to the removal of the Blockbuster membership, but really that's no excuse. My pop culture knowledge is at an all time low.

Anyways, on with the listing!

Movies that I Actively Hated
32. Prom Night
31. Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

Movies that I Just Disliked
30. Appaloosa (Man, I just do not like Renee Zellweger's squinty face anymore, apparently)
29. Mad Money (Oh, Queen Latifah. How the cast of Chicago has fallen.)
28. Hancock
27. Leatherheads (see: notes for #29 and #30. Confidential to John K - Don't take it personal, I still love you. But seriously, make better movies.)

Movies that I am Basically Ambivalent Towards
26. Charlie Bartlett (wins the award for movie I was certain had come out at least two years ago)
25. Ghost Town
24. Wanted (huge downgrade from my initial impression, but now all I focus on is the Loom of Fate. I can't even remember what James McAvoy looked like minus a shirt. So sad.)
23. Semi-Pro

Movies that were "Good," on a Very Loose Scale that Tightens as We Move Up
22. 27 Dresses (*sigh* the things I do for James Marsden)
21. The Spiderwick Chronicles
20. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
19. The Incredible Hulk (gets a huge bump down on the list because I forgot that it even came out this year, but was still very good)
18. Definitely, Maybe
17. Get Smart
16. Baby Mama
15. Stop Loss (gets a huge bump for being the movie I remember the most that I didn't really like this year)
14. Pineapple Express
13. Hamlet 2 (time has also been very kind to this movie. All I remember is Rock Me Sexy Jesus at this point)
12. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
11. Twilight (DON'T JUDGE ME)
10. Brideshead Revisited (gets the award for most moved around on the list, because I can't decide how much I liked it)

Movies That Were Excellent
9. Frost/Nixon
8. Iron Man
7. Tropic Thunder
6. The Dark Knight
5. Doubt
4. Cloverfield
3. Rachel Getting Married
2. WALL-E
1. Milk

Some specific notes on the top of the list:

• Gigantic downgrade to Frost/Nixon, as when I started this list I had it around #3, but realized that I didn't enjoy it anywhere near as much as I thought on first consideration.
• 6, 7, & 8 are all basically subtitled 'Summer fare that was far better than summer fare has any right to be.' No lie, I spent 15 minutes rearranging their three positions in sequence. I cannot pick between them. In the end, I put DK first because of Heath Ledger's acting, Tropic Thunder second because of Robert Downey Jr's acting, and Iron Man third because of Robert Downey Jr's acting. (Wait...)
• I feel like Doubt is in the right place now, because I place acting above direction in terms of importance. I could very easily see it dropping down below Frost/Nixon though, once the dust settles in my mind.
• Cloverfield is the wild card - probably the movie I enjoyed the most this year, even though empirically it's pretty bad. In other words, it's this years She's The Man.
• The top three are a toss-up. Rachel is probably the best acted movie of the year, and the most affecting, but it has serious pacing issues and rambles off topic too easily. Wall-E is the most enjoyable of the three, but has moralizing issues that keep it down. Milk is an amalgam of the strengths and weaknesses of the other two, but I think in the end it is the most complete and important of them all.

Some general notes to close things up:

• By far the fewest movies in a year since I graduated college.
  
• Very few movies I hated this year (I'm stretching with Madagascar, which truth be told was not as horrible as I expected)
• There was just a glut of middling-ly good comedies this year, weren't there? And I didn't even see a bunch of them that I meant to (Zach & Miri, Nick & Nora, etc.)
• Things that I still plan on seeing before the end of the year: Slumdog Millionaire, Repo! The Genetic Opera, and The Reader/Revolutionary Road (so I can get my Kate Winslet fix)
  

Short-form Reviews Turned Long: Doubt, Frost/Nixon

(So I was trying to write up both these movies for the side panel, and they ended up being so long that they bumped everything else off the main page. Thus, we try alternate text layouts.)

Anyways, as is my regular custom, the last two weeks of the year are easily the busiest I get as far as movies are concerned. The combination of freezing cold, Oscar contenders, and wild shopping stress make for the perfect time to hide for hours at a time in a darkened theater.

This last week I saw Frost/Nixon and Doubt on back to back nights. Their number of similarities are stunning, and they make for a good pair to review in tandem. It also doesn't hurt that both are near the top of my list of best movies this year (which totally isn't getting posted until January this year, because I am extraordinarily lazy right now).

The short-form reviews first:

Frost/Nixon - Tight, powerfully written and acted. The direction is... I guess competent is the word. Good, not great, and I take issue with a couple the devices that frame the whole movie (primarily the use of the documentary-style interviews to intercut tense in-the-moment scenes of action). Frank Langella is in the fight of the year in my mind right now for Best Actor with Sean Penn. Crazy, crazy good performance. Really, everyone brought it to this movie. Sam Rockwell was particularly great despite some tough, almost caricature-level lines to work with. I'd have to say the weakest link in the whole cast was Kevin Bacon, and that was more a failing of the script than the acting, since he had so few lines to develop a ton of character, and it just didn't come through.

Actually that's the only real quibble I have with the whole movie (besides the documentary interview thing - seriously that bugged me) - the way every character that was not Frost or Nixon basically was given a three line summary as characterization and then basically acted as a cardboard cutout through the rest of the movie. I understand that the movie needs focus, and it really is only about them, but I wish there could have been more depth on the sides.

Still, an excellent movie over all. Funny, dramatic, and interesting from start to finish.

Doubt - Grabs you early and never lets go. It's surprising, because the plot description doesn't sound like it would be that compelling. Head nun at a Catholic school suspects an inappropriate relationship between a boy and the local priest (who she already really dislikes). Frankly, it sounds like it would lead to nothing but scene after scene of religious moralizing and speechifying, which is the opposite of what I'm looking for in a movie. But the screenplay avoids almost all of that. Instead we get a real inspection of the nature of doubt and certainty, as played through three complex character-studies. It's unexpectedly enthralling.

I'll try not to gush too much on the acting, but yeah, it's ridiculous. Meryl Streep knocking down the stereotype of stereotypes as the head nun, evening out a characature into a person, by sheer will of personality, basically. Phillip Seymour Hoffman is the one who does all the heavy lifting - making sure that everything stays in doubt throughout the whole movie, jumping from guilty to innocent just by the change of an expression. Without him, the movie could have been ruined. And even Amy Adams, who gets an absolute clunker of a character (she is officially type-cast and the naive optimistic one, after Junebug, Enchanted, and now this), manages to steal a few moments to shine, digging into the tiny allowances her part gives her to keep it from being as one-note as it might be.

And I haven't even gotten to Viola Davis, who gets two scenes and like 10 minutes of the movie, but owns the entire thing. Really, it's just unbelievable. I can't do it justice.

I'll go ahead and rail against the film for a while though - it's by no means a great movie. The direction is terrible. Terrible. Shots taken at an angle for no real reason, except to be arty. Heavy handed literal metaphors every other second. I can't stress that part enough - if you were able to go on the merits of acting and script, I would rate this among the best movies ever. As is, with the ham-fisted imagery and shot selection, it's going to drop so far down my list, I have a hard time keeping it in my top 5 this year without wincing. That's just unendingly depressing.

Still, possibly the most worthwhile viewing experience of this entire year (provided you have already gone to see Milk).

---------------

Okay, so that was a complete lie, those reviews were like the opposite of short-form. But they get the individual parts out of the way so I can ramble on about their similarities. Both come from Tony winning plays, and it's very easy to see their roots. Frost/Nixon has the ultra powerful phone call scene, Doubt has both the rainstorm confrontation and the mother vs. nun revelation scene - all amazing things that are done without a spec of action, and are basically nothing but monologues or huge intercut speeches. Not that this is a bad thing (I love great theater) but sometimes it can take you out of the natural moment of the movie. Example: Nixon's phone call soliloquy is brilliant, but even in the character of Nixon (who is prone to rambling eloquence) it seems calculated. Langella gives it his all, for sure, and it comes very close, but you could tell the audience was drawn away from immediacy of the moment, and was instead stuck on the speech. It certainly did not help that Frost's response it basically the same as ours - slack-jawed astonishment.

The whole things is uniformly better handled in Doubt, although Hoffman comes very close to blowing it with all of his yelling at the high points of conflict. The speechy-ness is mostly relegated to natural moments (obviously you're supposed to speechify in a sermon) and the real tough stage-level moments are handled brilliantly (see: Viola Davis' revelations, and one flawless tiny moment by Amy Adams and a student). Keeping stage characters is shockingly difficult (see: any high school production of Shakespeare ever) but when it's handled well, it can give you shivers.

Allow me a small moment for a digression - one of my favorite movies in the entire world is The History Boys, something that fits right into the exact same category as these two movies: brilliant plays adapted to the screen with minimal changes. Just like Frost/Nixon they even kept the original cast intact. But where these two mostly succeeded in avoiding the speech and soliloquy trap that a play naturally entails, The History Boys seemed to revel in it. Just straight-up 'let's stop for a moment because I feel like giving a speech.' And it destroys the rhythm and sense of the movie. Which kills me, because even as-is I find it a completely brilliant, funny, and real experience. Massaged and worked on long enough, it might have been an amazing film on its own right. Instead, it's terrific writing and great scenes, that combine to form a clunky, wheezing machine of a movie.

Okay, diversion mostly over.

The real question that I was trying to get to was: which movie succeeds more? Or which one was better? Yeah, I'm still not sure which question I'm trying to answer. I think in the end, Frost/Nixon is more accomplished, but less important, so it wins on both of those counts, even if it loses the battle for the one that is most compelling.

Obviously, I have issues with the direction of Doubt, which lowers it in my mind, especially in terms of success. But I also take issue with the lack of real accomplishment in Frost/Nixon. Yes, the story is endlessly interesting, but mostly because it's a retelling of a real life event. It has its drama provided for it. I can't help but think that it enjoys far too much of a built in advantage, particularly when there is no real revelation in the execution - even the brilliance that Langella teases out of Nixon isn't unexpected, just interesting. Frost and his cohorts follow the lines, fulfill their underdog role, and the movie winds down. Similarly, this is why I'm so hard on Milk as far as the movie's greatness goes - the story is so fascinating that you wonder if the movie is getting a pass because the plot it's given is enough to carry you along.

Doubt is technically the lesser movie, but has better acting, and makes you think more. I'm not sure how to rate these things into a quantifiable scale. Eh, in the end I still don't have any good answers, but I still have time to mull it over before I come to any hard conclusions. I mean, the Oscars don't happen until like March, right? Plenty of time.

Winter Back into Television (Week Christ It's Cold)

How I Met Your Mother - Aw, they pretended to get into a fight! Okay, I was only mildly pleased with this episode, and that was mostly due to the fact that I have some weird unrelenting love for when Robin acts like a dork. I think maybe I'm just so trained to think of her as very serious-minded from the first two seasons that I'm completely into this ditzy regression over the next two. Whatever it is, her little scene where she goes from flirting with Barney to fleeing out the door was totally the highlight of the whole show for me. No, wait, that's a damn dirty lie. MARSHALL GOT A HAIRCUT! Thank the lord above, it's a near-Christmas miracle.

Survivor - Okay, two episodes this week, including the finale. The first one was pretty lame but kinda satisfying (mostly by including people blindfolded and wandering around bumping into things, which is always great TV), and then the second one was pretty awesome but totally unsatisfying (because the alliance fell, and good came close to triumphing before falling to bits).

I mean good goddamn, what a petty jury. Which yes, should not come as a surprise I know, but still. I'd like to think that good gameplay should be rewarded. Y'know, instead of just being as inoffensive as possible and sliding into the end on the sheer willpower of being the least threatening member of a big alliance that got smoked. Sugar played the hell out of that entire season - immunity idol finding, crazy good acting, organizing the most humiliating exit possible for the vile Randy, and basically just being a badass - and then she doesn't get a single vote in the end. Meanwhile Susie is a vote from winning, despite never doing anything ever. The only things I remember her doing the entire season were wandering completely off the blindfolded course with Crystal(seriously, so good) and then winning one immunity challenge.

I'm totally cool with Bob taking it in the end, I mean the guy had a knack for crafts and was overall pretty awesome. But seriously, did no one notice that the only reason that he was even in the finals was because Sugar brought him? Yeah, that was a horrible idea on her part, strategy-wise, but still. I'm just bitter in general over this show. Also, goddamn Probst, I hate him so much. (Just thought I'd throw that in there.)

The Office - Wow, I did not enjoy that one bit. Wait, no, I did enjoy when Kevin could only think of the good way that Meredith's alcoholism affected him. And the cold open with the fake wrapped desk. But everything else was terrible. Can we talk about the episode I missed last week instead? Because that was awesome. Oscar getting a full-on A-story (and being the most hilarious thing ever)? That bit about the lemonade stand in the opening sent me into an uncontrollable fit of giggles for the first 10 minutes of the show. Plus, you had Jim and Pam basically being horrible people, but still being just about the most adorable they've ever been, since season 2 pranking days. Oh and Michael with his fur coat at the end! Yeah, I'm just going to pretend that whole Christmas debacle never happened.

30 Rock - No seriously, I'll just show myself out. I am such a homer for this show, I can't even explain it. Even with the weakest B-plot possible (Liz's attempt at desperate Christmas goodwill backfiring) it still made me laugh so much that I kinda can't believe it. 16-8=8! "If I want to lick a hippie I'll just return Joan Baez's phone calls."Jenna wanting to get out of the store "BEFORE SOMEONE RECOGNIZES ME." This show completes me in a way I didn't think possible.

RECAP
Because it's a short week, only one award this week:

Best Line
30 Rock - Tracy: "Well if all you want is a hug from a black person, maybe you should just host the Price is Right."

No wait, it's actually:
30 Rock - Jenna: "Mr. Donaghy, as leader of this group I have to put my foot down. Christmas is a sacred time for me and my surrogate family. So if you're willing to look four 25-year old gay guys in the eyes and tell them that we're not going to see New Kids on the Block at the Borgata, be my guest."

Or, no, really this one was best:
30 Rock - Jack: "What kind of mother tells her son that John Kennedy died because he talked in church? Or tells her son when he was voted captain of the diving team, quote, 'What a great way to meet guys?'"

Anyways, yeah, I love 30 Rock.

Fall Back into Television (Week Infinity)

How to tell it's officially the holiday season: You can eat an entire pizza from Schlotzsky's in a single sitting and not feel an ounce of remorse (since it's less than you've usually been eating per meal since Thanksgiving).

But this is not about my awesome lunch, this is about TV.

How I Met Your Mother - This is a catch up note, since I didn't watch anything last week and this week was a rerun. So the whole Naked Man episode. I dunno. On the one hand - gratuitous NPH nudity is never ever a bad thing. Plus, bonus Josh Radnor nudity as well. On the other hand - I straight up hated Marshall (and kind of still do) for that whole 'calling Robin a slut' thing. I dunno, it put me in a really bad mood. But back on the other hand, I kinda loved the list of reasons for sex. I think in the end I fall on the positive side of things, and just curse stupid Marshall privately.

Ugly Betty - Uh, exactly why do they keep trying to humanize Amanda? Or, more specifically, why do they humanize her approximately 3 times each season, and then in the next episode she's forgotten the lesson and goes back to her old (more fun) way of being? It's just getting tired. Still, a pretty decent episode over all. ("Bad Ronald" is very close to getting into every day vernacular around here) I still want more Marc, though, dammit. (Also more Justin.)

Grey's Anatomy - Yeah, so I said I would never watch this again last week, but then I was at Jordan's and he wanted to watch it, so I agreed, and it wasn't as nearly as bad as I made it out to be, although I still put my fingers in my ears and went "LALALALA" every time Katherine Heigl was onscreen. God, I love Sandra Oh and Chandra Wilson so much it hurts sometimes.

Survivor - A necessary but completely boring episode, because of the continuing Ken alliance of reformed smartness. I say reformed, because what the heck were they attempting to pull there at the end for the end-around of yet another brilliantly crafted Bob Fake Idol? Now you've basically shown your hand to your alliance-mates for absolutely no reason, and it would have failed anyways (there aren't that many people left, guys. Count the votes). If he plays the resulting fallout correctly, I could totally see Bob pulling a super coup on this alliance. Not that it'll happen, but it's not out of the realm of possibility anymore. Dumb dumb dumb.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Hooooly crap. Okay, so the extreme home makeover episode wasn't ultra great (I really enjoyed Frank getting the edge for once and realizing exactly how bad it was going to get, but otherwise it was just standard fare), but damn if that Night Man musical wasn't just the best way possible to end the season. "I will smack your face off your face." The entire "Boy's soul" versus "Boy's hole" discussion. "We have to be careful about how we do the rape scene." Not even kidding, it might be my favorite episode of the whole series. Bravo. (Also, if you haven't, go watch the deleted scene, which prominently features the song "It's Nature (Shit Happens)." Trust me, you'll thank me later.)

30 Rock - And finally an episode with no big guest star this season. Totally on target and completely hilarious, although a shocking lack of Scott Adsit. I really love how they continue to push the underlying sexual tension between Fey and Baldwin for as many laughs as possible. I'm also shocked at how many one liners they're able to cram in to a single episode. I could basically fill this entire post with all the jokes this week. As you'll see in a second when we get to the awards section.

Amazing Race - I don't even want to discuss the penultimate episode, such is my deep sadness for Toni and Dallas. Damn, that made me so angry. But I did enjoy the finale, formulaic and expected, though it was. My second favorite team won, but considering that it was their destiny after winning basically every leg of the race, it was a little underwhelming. Ken and Tina were cute, the Frat boys were appropriately humble and nice about their lagging third place finish, and Phil was completely on his game at the end. A satisfying ending to a lackluster season. But man, Toni and Dallas weren't even at the finish line. Are they still stuck in Russia, like, right now?

Things I Missed - The Office. Woe unto me, and so forth.

RECAP

Best Episode of the Week:
It's Always Sunny - The Night Man Cometh

Best Line of the Week:
30 Rock - Random High School Alumnae: "Still think I'm 'gayer than the volleyball scene in Top Gun?'" (But only because this comic came out in the same week.)
Oh So Many Runner's Up:
It's Always Sunny - Charlie: "I will smack your face off your face."
30 Rock - Jenna: "I would have gone to my reunion but the boat I was educated on sank."
It's Always Sunny - Mac: (In response to Charlie's creation of a musical "for no reason") "Who's it versus?"
30 Rock - Jenna: "No. Keep crying. I want you to feel this so you never make this mistake again."

Best Moment of the Week:
It's Always Sunny - Charlie's 'singing' proposal.
Runner Up:
HIMYM - The nude pose-off between Barney and Ted.

Most Disappointing:
Amazing Race - But only because of poor Toni and Dallas

Most Anticipated:
Uh, isn't TV basically over until January now? Dammit, now what am I going to do with my free time?

Hiding the Nerd at Christmas

So, every Christmas, people always ask you what you want as a gift. I have learned that it is a very good idea to have a short list of small items available in mind for this question, just waiting to be unleashed. Because if you don't, they will invariably fall back on their previous knowledge of things you have expressed a fondness for in the past. And before you know it your entire apartment will be filled with beavers in various shapes and forms, until they're the only thing you can see when you walk in.

And no one wants that.

But this year I don't know what has happened - every time I find something that I might want for Christmas, it is always almost too inherently geeky to even bring up in polite company. I don't think that I've gotten more nerd-like this year, it's just that my normal mainstream interests haven't come out with anything good lately.

So now I'm at a crossroads - do I hand over a list of completely off-the-wall things that I want, which will most certainly be doubly embarrassing (first, whenever the person doing the gifting has to buy it, and second whenever I get it and jump around like the gigantic nerd I am), or do I try to whittle down the list to the most mainstream of items and be less enthused with the resulting gifts that come across? Such is the burden of the mid-level-middle-class-20-something-nerd.

Anyways, this is all just a carefully crafted screen so's I can make a list of all the nerdy things that I've seen lately that I really want. Because lists are fun.

In order from least to most nerdy:

DVDs:
Wall-E - Because I am the biggest nerd for Pixar movies, just holding it in my hand will probably result in nerd drool. (Also a 2 out of 10 on the nerd/geek scale. It's a pretty popular movie, after all)

Bring it On - Because it's my favorite movie in the entire world, and I've lost my copy. I have the case, but no disc. It causes me near daily pain, but I can't bring myself to buy a new copy, since it must be here somewhere, right? (A 2.5 out of 10. Not a nerdy movie, but my level of devotion to such a bad movie is certain to release high levels of awkwardness)

Books:
Alastair Reynolds - House of Suns

Charles Stross - Halting State

Neal Stephenson - Anathem

(At least a 7 out of 10 across the board - all three are ranging sci-fi/fantasy. Although I think the Stephenson at least is pretty mainstream-ish. Still, books at the holidays - always geeky.)

Things That Are Like Books:
Cable and Deadpool - Comic Collections - So it's come to this, eh? Actually buying comics. I don't even know. But this series is great, and pretty hilarious, and I want a hard copy of it. What? Don't judge. (9 of 10 - to get this you almost are required to walk into a comic book store. We're reaching the upper levels of nerd here.)

Runaways - Dead End Kids - Because I cannot find a bookstore that stocks Runaways anymore, and I refuse on principle to go to the comic books store near my house, so I haven't been able to read the last 3 editions. (9.5 of 10 - because just like above, only add another 0.5 because Joss Whedon is involved.)

Other Things That are so Nerdy It's Hard to Categorize:
Brick Poster - I'd like to think that I'm starting to get old enough that I could move beyond movie posters. But no, not really. I badly want one of these cutout posters that they did for the release of Brick before they all disappear. I've linked the Brain one because he was my favorite, but there are like 5 different ones, and they're all pretty cool. (8 of 10. Cult movie + obscure fan item + level of dedication required to get it = more geeky than a sci-fi book, but less geeky than comic collections.)

Penny Arcade Print - I'm not going to try and defend this one, it may very well be the most geeky thing on the list. Buying a physical print of a webcomic strip, that's about being a geek?It's almost meta levels of nerd, going on. Also, in the interest of full disclosure, I've come incredibly close several times to just buying one for myself for no reason. And the only thing that's stopped me so far? Because I can't decide which one I would get. I need help. (For the record: it's between this one & this one right now.) (10 of 10, no question)

Allomantic Metal Decals - I don't think I can even explain this one. So, they're like stickers? Of mystical symbols? From an obscure fantasy series that I'm (more than) mildly obsessed with. I don't even know what I'd do with them, but man do I want them. (15 of 10. Is that enough?)

-------------------

Well it feels nice to finally get all that nerding off my chest. Now to track down some holiday cookies and find out where I stashed all my Christmas lights. This house is not gonna decorate itself.

Fall Back into Television (Week Hiatus)

And lo, there came a week in which Jason watched no TV, and instead ate an entire turkey, 2 pounds of stuffing, and several pies.

Thus, there was no week in television to review.

And it was good.

Fall into Television (Week 9)

Update: Now I'm only partially deaf in my left ear. This has become the least informative blog ever.

Anyways:

• How I Met Your Mother: Woooo! No, seriously, I love an episode that's a great return to form, and this one finally got it down after a very strange and rocky early season. A real plot structure, consistent call-backs, a funny (and true) new lingo thing, Barney being awesome, Robin getting some good lines, and an hilarious Swedish Collective that I want to have as my new best friend. ("This is a waste of time. PUSHUPS!")
  
  When this show is on its game, it just blows my mind sometimes.
  
  
• South Park: Not as awesome as last week, but still great. Man, I love love love me some goth kids. I can't explain it, but they crack me up on a very deep level. Especially the one with the hair fringe who is always flipping his head. I thought the Butters storyline was a little stilted though, which sort of slowed down the entire episode.
  
  Ah well. Too bad the season's already over. Still, it's keeping pace in my mind as one of the few consistently good shows left. Here's looking to next year.
  
  
• Grey's Anatomy: So it was just an elaborate ploy, was it? Have a couple of good episodes to get me tentatively back in and watching, just so you could spring the hands-down worst plot point I've ever seen in my entire TV-viewing life? Izzy just had sex with a ghost. No, really. Sex. With a ghost.
  
  People, I cannot deal with this.
  
  
• Survivor: Holy crap. There are really no words to explain exactly how satisfying that episode was. I... no really, I'm not sure I can say anything that can contain my emotions as that all played out. And it wasn't even like normal Survivor, where they try to throw in some misdirection so that you aren't sure who's going down at council - they straight up told everyone that the racist asshole was going home, and he was going to get punked doing it. And then they showed it in glorious detail. I'm in awe.
  
  In no particular order, the rest of my thoughts:
  
  - Even though I have no particular love for Sugar, that was some amazing acting she did there when she was pretending to Bob that she didn't have the idol. I mean, Oscar-worthy. I'm now totally on her bandwagon, although I'm pretty sure there's no derailing the Ken-train at this point.
  - I sort of hate Crystal, for being both a downer and completely inept at challenges. But her shouting her vote out at council was possibly the best thing in an episode that was full of so many great, great things. That's going to be her legacy, and good for her. Awesome.
  - And now I know it's totally passe and not germane to the subject at hand anymore, but how cute were cleaned up Charlie and Marcus? Okay, seriously, I'll stop. Probably. (But aww!)
  - I cannot believe that Jeff threw the fake immunity idol into the fire. What a tool. That thing was awesomely constructed. Bob's like a craftsman. Too bad he's on the very wrong side of a very smart alliance. Here's hoping that his crazy ploy from the preview actually works.
  

• The Office: Whoa, and again we remind ourselves that it's just a TV show, it's not healthy to get so invested in fake characters. Because no lie, my heart was practically up in my throat when Jim was showing Pam the house. I don't know that I would have survived if she wasn't happy.
  
  In other news, let's hope they get Toby back on the right track, after seriously sending him to a real creepy place at the end of the third season. Also, I'm sort of really glad that Ryan's gone. He was getting out of control, plot-wise.
  
  
• 30 Rock: Oh 30 Rock. This is why you complete me. Even in an episode that makes basically zero sense, you still make me laugh in that really inappropriately loud and unexpected way. Steve Martin continues to be completely underrated in my mind, until I see him in something and again marvel that he's a really good actor (see: Shopgirl).
  
  Also, the return of "Yes, Hornberger!" might very well have been my favorite line of the night. Scott Adsit always adds such perfect little grace notes to the episodes. (see: "But you were going to take me hat shopping!" from last season)
  
  
• It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: So I have no idea which episode I'm supposed to be on, since I missed a few weeks there, but let's go with the one that I remember: That Liberty Bell episode was undoubtedly the worst episode of the series to date. The only funny scene was the opening bit with the George Washington painting, and even that was a little overdone. The whole thing just made me exhausted.
  
  
• Amazing Race: Damn damn damn damn. I bet Sarah and Terence are tearing their hair out right now, knowing that the Frat Boys are still in this race going into the final four, and they got stuck with the one misplaced elimination episode in this stretch. I have no explanation for how those boys continue to race - they have no skills at tasks (roadblocks or detours), money-management, team work, or travel. They just have the luck of the bumbling. It's exhausting, especially when the previews hint that next week a team loses their passports, and thus falls out of the race. Meaning that yet again they could quite literally luck into the final three, which is almost always a tightly scripted foot-race. Makes me crazy.
  
  But lets focus on the good: Nick, while cocky, was unbearably cute in his Birthday shirt. Dallas and Toni are very quickly climbing the ladder towards being my favorite team ever. I really like how, even when he was basically screwing up the flour task by overexerting himself, it was because he was pushing to get a win for his mom. It was almost touching. The local flavor characters this year have been uncommonly good - the sewing guy from a couple of weeks back and this weeks baker lady in particular. "Not very fit, this one." I just about died laughing.
  
  And even though they are driving me mad with worry that they're going to knock out Toni/Dallas, I will give the Frat Boys the laugh of the week: Dan's inability to have even a semblance of rhythm is just about the funniest thing to ever come out of the Amazing Race. I thought he was just joking and goofing off at first, but no, that was actually him trying to march. Unbelievable.
  
  
• Things I Missed: Ugly Betty. Which is just nuts, because I needed to watch Grey's Anatomy and Ugly Betty online, and since Grey's Anatomy came up on the player first, I clicked it. And I was so disgusted with the ghost sex, that I stopped watching online TV entirely. Sorry Ugly Betty. Blame the doctors. I'll try to catch up later this week.
  
  Ugh. Ghost sex.
  

RECAP

Best Episode of the Week:
Survivor - Nothing Tastes Better than Five Hundred Dollars

Best Line of the Week:
How I Met Your Mother: "Yeah, she doesn't look woo-ish." / "Maybe she only observes the high holidays, like Mardi Gras and Spring Break. Maybe she's just a cultural Woo."

Best Moment of the Week:
Survivor - Every single thing that happened once they started voting until the end of the show.

Most Disappointing:
Grey's Anatomy - Dead to me.

Most Anticipated: I'm going to lie here, and not talk about how the previews for How I Met Your Mother prominently involve a naked Neil Patrick Harris. Instead I'll say Amazing Race, and the final culling to the Top 3. May death come quickly to Toni & Dallas's enemies!

Fall Into Television (Week 8)

Two full months into a gimmick and still going strong, even if I'm a day late this time. Whatever, I had a terrible day yesterday and have gone completely deaf in my left ear. We have to make allowances!

• How I Met Your Mother: I'm of several minds about this episode, but none of them are really negative. I enjoy drunk Allison Hannigan, NPH had some good lines, and there was still more Ted/Robin tension, which I always love. Seriously, I can't believe they've painted themselves into this corner - their chemistry is just so far off the charts that any real mother to end the show is not going to be good enough.
  
  
• South Park: Oh man. How is it that they're finally hitting a good stride on this show with only 1 more episode left in the season? That was just hilarious start to finish. Big props to the slapping song, and Kyle's hair. Also, all the small children who started following Stan in hall with their Sharks/Jets snaps in preparation for the musical number. I straight up laughed out loud both times it happened.
  
  
• Ugly Betty: Well damn, that was a heartbreaking ending. Why, the gays, why?
  
  But ignoring that, how cute was Marc's new emo hair (it's flat ironed because he's sad, see)? As usual, any episodes that contain copious amounts of the Amanda/Marc/Betty combo are at least 200% better than their Daniel/Christina heavy counterparts.
  
  Also, Justin is evolving into the best thing in the history of the world, what with his commentary and all. I don't care if he even gets a storyline, so long as they let him keep up this level of snark.
  
  
• Survivor: And there goes my last great hope of having one of my favorites as a winner. Alas, poor Charlie was not long for this world without the creepy dynamic that he had with Marcus. I guess all my eggs are now with Sugar and her scheming ways of, y'know, actually playing the game.
  
  And wow, that's all I have to talk about. Maybe this show is starting to lose its edge, like everyone keeps telling me.
  

• The Office: Oh man, that was pretty much as close to a dark episode as you can get with The Office. But wow, how the bright parts lit up the rest. Andy and DrunkOscar! Kelly and Ryan with his pushups! That soft lit sunset ending with Jim and Pam! Yeah, okay, I'm officially an Office apologist - even though it wasn't a strong episode, I still love it for its plot progression. That's terrible.
  
  But wait! Darrel's little dance to his truck! So cute.
  
  
• 30 Rock: That was... not good. Some amazingly hilarious one-liners (see the recap below for a good smattering) but they fell into the pit they usually avoid - the guest stars took over the whole show. I love Jennifer Aniston as much as the next homosexual, but seriously her character threw the entire episode out of whack in a way that we haven't seen since Seinfeld was around.
  
  And Night Court? Really? Sure, whatever. I just watched last week's Oprah episode three times in a row and I'm fine with anything 30 Rock does, now and forever.
  
  
• Amazing Race: Okay, I'm officially back on board for putting this show on the shortlist for Best Show on TV Period. Beautifully edited, compelling, interesting, and funny. That was a pretty flawless episode, even if this is obviously the weakest field of competitors probably ever. I mean, there is no way that the Frat Boys should be anywhere near this race after the third or fourth leg, and they're in the Top 4. That's just insane.
  
  But it does lead to a lot of compelling questions. Primarily: why on earth did Nick/Starr and Terence/Sarah both go for the Fast Forward? They're both front running teams, with two very error prone teams(Frats and Ken/Tina) still in the race. Why take a huge gamble to get first, when you're pretty much guaranteed to beat out one of those two half-wit teams for elimination? I think it comes down to the fact that Ken/Tina had already used their chance for the FF, and since the Frats weren't going to try for it (since what happened to them the last time they tried) Nick/Starr figured they'd take it (and assumed they would win any actual race, since that's all they do.) And then Terence/Sarah's overconfidence in their physical/grind it out race style kept them going at it long after they should have bailed. That's a heavy blow to take, and I think Sarah was super classy in not I-told-you-so-ing the point that Terence basically screwed them.
  
  Ah well, no one really cares. All we should really be talking about is Austin's hilarious turn as a crazy wandering cow in Kazakhstan. Good lord, that was the best thing I've seen in ages.
  
  
• Things I Missed: Just Grey's Anatomy, which whatever. That was a short lived revival for sure. Oh, and was Simpsons/King of the Hill on this week? I couldn't hear them over the sound of Amazing Race being so awesome.
  

RECAP

Best Episode of the Week:
Amazing Race - I'm an Angry Cow

Best Lines of the Week:
30 Rock - Tracy: "Is there nothing sacred? Have we lost our moral center? It just makes me wanna pee on someone."
OR
30 Rock - Tracy: "I hate to see you like this, Ken-dog. It's like an owl without a graduation cap - Heartbreaking!"
OR
Liz: "Did she do sexy birthday or mannequin that comes to life?"
Jack: "Sexy birthday. Thank God."
OR
Cerie's description of the Aquarium dance club, which I can't remember verbatim. Something like, "all the women stay in a glass room at the center of the dance floor and all the guys watch and feed them."

Best Moment of the Week:
Amazing Race - Wandering cow costumes, and the dancing therein.
Runners Up:
South Park - Aborted attempts at choreographed dance routines in the school halls.
The Office - Andy's drunk dial to Angela (or more appropriately - Oscar's reaction to said call)

Most Disappointing:
The Office - The continued cuckolding of Andy by the increasingly hateful Angela/Dwight. How is this still going on?

Most Anticipated: Final 4 of The Amazing Race! My top two teams are still going strong here, so I'm very excited. Also, that preview for Ugly Betty looks like maximum amounts of Marc. So yay!

Fall Back into Television (Week 7)

No starting banter this time, I've got things to be doing, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to blog the one thing I've been consistent on in at least a year.

• How I Met Your Mother: A weird coda to end the arc that was Stella, but it had its moments of brilliance. Basically I just love Robin being Canadian more than anything on this show (that is not named Barney). But it was definitely a strange episode, obviously cut significantly for length (Marshall's person wasn't explained, yet I swear you could see her standing with the others in the flash at the end), and then the end just drops out. At least while the end was dropping out, they played a Regina Spektor song in the background. That cheered me up a bit.
  
  
• South Park: I enjoyed every second of that episode, even without ever seeing more than 20 consecutive minutes of any of those Ocean's Number movies. Sarah Palin turning out British pretty much completed my week. I also enjoyed the little flourishes on the edges of the scenes - Cartman wheeling stolen TVs through the streets and the like. Wholly enjoyable.
  
  
• Ugly Betty: Man, they've certainly regained their stride with this show, haven't they? Easily the best episode of the season, maybe of the last two seasons for that matter. Amanda full on hilarious/bi-curious, Marc getting screentime and being a whore, Willi having a heart all of a sudden... I could go on for ages. But dang, was anybody else terrified that Daniel and Betty were about to make out at the end of the episode, what with him telling her she was beautiful and all? I was really worried for about 30 seconds there.
  
  
• Survivor: Hooooly crap. I was not expecting that at all. I'm usually not a sucker for traditional Survivor editing, but I straight up had Marcus pegged as a Final Three kind of guy. Charlie is going to be a basket case now, and so much for my constant cataloguing of their weird (and imaginary) relationship. Eh, with the way things are going, I'm sure they can continue it offscreen, since Charlie is totally not long for this game. And in that vein, I'm not sure I'm going to like where this season ends up, winner-wise, but it's definitely up there in terms of keeping the drama nice and high.
  
  
• Grey's Anatomy: Seriously, I don't understand how this show has come back to actually being kind of compelling. And sad. Christ, why do hospital shows want to kill people all the time (sob)? But I think I'm sort of invested again. Excepting the fact that I need to watch The Office/30 Rock during its timeslot, and thus it is relegated to internet watching. But wow, way to rebound, show.
  
  
• The Office: Hahahahaha. That's about the sum total of my insightful commentary on this episode. Kelly is the best, Pam is a fool, and I actually am starting to feel really, really bad for Andy. The writing is leaving me horribly conflicted. Oh, and a small aside, I really liked the multiple levels of the storyline this week about listening in on phone conversations. That's a subtlety they've been lacking since way back in season 3.
  
  
• 30 Rock: Since I've already admitted my bias on this show, can I just declare it the best thing on television and move on? Tracey and his White Girls outfit, complete with monster claw, Jenna in blackface singing Ease on Down the Road from The Wiz, and Oprah all in the same episode? Don't even try to top it. Also, a delicious and not overused Kenneth subplot. OH PLUS - Tina Fey as Princess Leia to get out of jury duty. I can't even deal, people.
  
  
• Simpsons: Wow, I really didn't like a single second of that entire episode. I mean, I remember specifically laughing out loud at two separate lines, but afterwards all I had was a bad taste in my mouth.
  
  
• King of the Hill: And now it's cancelled, despite its episode being at least 400% better written and funnier than The Simpsons. There is no justice in the world today. And I'm going to write about it here in a second, but that local news caption of the special needs log flume disaster picture made me bark out a laugh of unbelievable proportions.
  
  
• Things I Missed: Amazing Race, nooooo! (Damn that Frank and his watching of TV first) At least none of my favorites got voted off. I'll catch it tonight online, now that CBS has finally gotten their shit together with this show's internet presence.
  

RECAP

Best Episode of the Week:
30 Rock - Believe in the Stars

Best Line of the Week (if you have a sick sense of humor like me):
The Office - Kelly: "I was raped!" Michael: "You cannot say 'I was raped' and expect all your problems to go away. Not again. Don't keep doing that."

Best Moment of the Week:
How I Met Your Mother - Robin's high school hockey flashback.
Runners Up:
30 Rock - Jack's attempt at a lifeboat scenario for Kenneth.
The Office - "Get out of my nook!" / "That's what she said! That's what she said!! That's what she said!"
Survivor - Last second vote switch-up for Marcus's ouster.

Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Unexpected Anything:
King of the Hill - Local news's captioning of Dale on the log flume ride as "Unidentified Special Needs Student."

Most Disappointing:
Grey's Anatomy - The story I read online that says that that lesbian mini-fight is actually the end of that character's run on the show for good. Way to crush the spirit of the homos, show that I'm just starting to like again.

Most Anticipated: Toss up between Jennifer Aniston on 30 Rock, and the resulting fallout from the Survivor shakeup. Man, this was a great week of TV.

Fall Back into Television (Week 6)

Hmm, I thought finally taking Tuesday and Wednesday off my viewing schedules would open things up, but I ended up watching just as much stuff as usual. Ah well.

• South Park - Was anybody else underwhelmed? I guess I know what they were going for, but I was hoping for more. Particularly more humor. Oh well, you can't win them all. And sometime there are guinea pigs dressed up in costumes. Sure.

• Ugly Betty - That was pretty good. A funny, well constructed plot, a goodly amount of Marc/Amanda, Justin wearing an Uncle Sam outfit, and what is hopefully an end to the Lohan. When this show is firing on all cylinders, it really can be great. Hopefully we're hitting a stride here.

• Grey's Anatomy - So I haven't watched this show in, what, 2 seasons? Ever since that whole Izzy/George thing ruined everything in the entire world. But then I watched this week. And it was surprisingly good. I mean, apparently George and his crazy wife are now divorced, she's become a lesbian, Meredith/Derek and Izzy/Alex are both couples now, while Christina and Bailey continue to run around kicking medical ass. That's like everything I wanted to happen back when I was still watching this show (minus the lesbian bit). I feel like someone polled my brain on how to get me to watch again, and then carefully recreated the entire thing. Dastardly conniving, is what this is. My TV plate is full, thanks so much.

• Survivor - Man, who would have thought that Dan would have been that annoying? I mean, hot people aren't usually that bad, right? I dunno. But I'm glad he's gone. Meanwhile, I still hate pretty much everyone on Fang, without exception. I cannot wait for whatever it is that is coming - traditionally the merger, but oh the previews promise to shake thing up. Doubtful, but still, I'm mildly digging this season.

• The Office - Wow, that was an uncomfortable 30 minutes. So sad to see Holly go, I wish wish wish they could have kept Amy Ryan around, she really livened up the cast a whole lot. But oh well. The whole episode was mostly just blah, although Dwight/Andy saved it from being a complete loss. Save me from the Jim/Pam stuff, though. That was painful.

• It's Always Sunny - Aww, look at Danny DeVito, reliving One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. But man, that plotline stunk on ice. I usually enjoy Charlie/Mac, Dennis/Dee episodes (see: the welfare one, which is maybe my favorite one ever) but this one was too disjointed. Everyone everywhere, with no solid resolution. That said, the spin class bit was crazy hilarious, and I really enjoyed the mailroom mess. Overall, I give it about a B. Also, I don't know if it was just because it was Halloween when I watched it, but Charlie's invisible friend scared the bejesus out of me, when he was just suddenly there. I think maybe I'm losing it.

• Simpsons - Don't hate me, but I actually found most of that pretty funny. Maybe it's just because I watched It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown earlier this week. But yeah, pretty good.

• Family Guy - Oh, that's why I stopped watching this show. Because it's horrible. Good to know.

• American Dad - Oh, that's why I never liked this show in the first place. (But God help me, I laughed a couple of times. I don't know why, but that cat cracked me up.)

• Amazing Race - I don't think a non-elimination episode has ever been more completely telegraphed since that one where the models wouldn't shave their heads, like 2 or 3 years ago. But I still liked the pacing, and India is always great for a wild location choice. And the continuing strong placement of my teams. Leave it to the Frat Boys to lose their lead due to an inability to iron things, though. Also I am completely over the Divorcees and their continuing to survive and do well despite having no clue what they're doing. Ah well. Super excited for next week, as I was really hoping for more nervous breakdowns, and they seem to be promised in the previews.
  
  
• Things I missed - Actually not much at all. HIMYM was a rerun, and now that I've abandoned Tues/Weds programming, I'm getting things done AND not missing any vital TV. This is just nuts.

Recap

Best Episode of the Week:
Ugly Betty - Ugly Berry

Best Line of the Week:
It's Always Sunny - "If you've just had a heart attack, maybe you should be [in spin class]"/"Well maybe you shouldn't dress up like a bumblebee in public."

Best Moment of the Week:
Amazing Race - Dallas's attempt at flirtation and his realization that maybe his mom is not the best choice for a wingman.

Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Unexpected Anything:
Grey's Anatomy - Watchable and enjoyable? What year is this?

Most Disappointing:
South Park - Decided lack of funny.

Most Anticipated:
Near tie between Amazing Race and Survivor. This is finally the time when the reality shows start getting interesting.

Grr, Change

Note: This post is not about political "change" (which is apparently the word of the month), because I'll be damned if I'm going to spend one additional second on anything remotely related to politics ever again. People always ask why I remain completely neutral in all political discussions, and refuse to tell anyone where I stand. Really, you can't think of any reason why I wouldn't want to get involved in non-stop rabid propaganda no matter which side you align with?

Not that not declaring a side helps much - basically you then just have both sides assuming you agree with them (because, how could you not? I mean, obviously my side is the right one, anyone on the other side is crazy and I wouldn't associate with crazy) so you get all their diatribes as their very own stump speech. So you just adopt a neutral facial expression, and nod your head occasionally, all the while trying to say the alphabet backwards in your head.

Seriously, I pretty much hate everyone right now.

-------------------

But this entry is not about that kind of change, dammit!

In general I hate change. Mixing up your routine makes things complicated, prone to additional errors, and increases the likelihood that you're going to have to end up talking to someone you hate (probably about politics, too). And the worst time for change is always Fall.

Every Fall they rearrange the syndicated TV shows, just as I've finally gotten down a schedule that I like to watch in the background when I get home from work (Until this month: King of the Hill, followed by The Simpsons, followed by How It Works. A perfect afternoon roll call. Now that's shot to hell, as the only thing left in that lineup is The Simpsons and it's at a different time. Grr.). HATE

Every Fall they change the traffic light patterns in central Dallas, I assume to factor in something to do with the school zones. All I know is that my route to and from work becomes 10 minutes longer each time the leaves change, because 5 of the 7 lights that I go through tend to hit red during a normal commute (as opposed to 2 at max during the summer) and the left turn only arrows at the intersection by my office disappear and you have to just shoot for your openings in traffic and pray for intersection mercy. HATE

And this really doesn't apply to anyone else, but Fall is also when mortgage lenders push out their upgrades to their user interfaces and underwriting engines. Which invariably ends up in heartbreak and longer turn times. Why they need to keep expanding the functionality of systems when the number of files available is plummeting to a record low is beyond the scope of my understanding. DOUBLE HATE

----------------------

But at this exact second, the change that's annoying me the most? iGoogle.

Which is the most unfair kind of change imaginable - a significant alteration to something that is totally free. So it's not like I can complain, it's a complimentary service. It's tacky to criticize the hand that is feeding you (for free).

Anyways, I'm going to whine for a minute, but that doesn't mean that I'm not really, really, incredibly appreciative of Google for providing the single best internet tool I have ever had in my entire life (A close second being the awesome address bar in the new Firefox. Those two items are pretty much all I need to get my internet enjoyment to maximum capacity.). I have saved so much time and effort using the iGoogle homepage that I roughly attribute at least 50% of my increased productivity at work to it.

But the latest redesign. Jesus.

A left hand tab menu? Seriously? Google is pretty much the smartest company on the internet, yet they don't understand the importance of horizontal viewing space? This isn't so much of a problem on my 24" wide screen monitor at home (which, by the by, still completes me), where I have landscape view width to spare. But at the office, on my 15" CRT, in order to fit that extra couple of inches for those tabs, I lose all readability for the third column of widgets. The only option I have is to switch to double columns, which means scrolling for additional info. But I won't even do that, because it saves the settings globally, and having only two columns at home is like spitting in the face of God and/or Mr. Widescreen Monitor.

Plus, the expanded functionality of the widgets from the tab bar is terrible. The only one that works well is the Google Reader, but since I don't use the additional functionality, it's a wash. Whereas the Gmail tab is actively horrible. Clicking an email brings it up in the widget now, but you can't click on embedded hyperlinks, and can't respond with attachments. Same limitations for composing a new email, or looking at your inbox. The only way to get anything done is to click over to Gmail. So really at this point, the only point to the widget is to see the last 5 emails you've received. Which is nice, but it used to be so much more functional.

And what's the deal with the multiple pages on the bookmarks widget all of a sudden? I mean, maybe it's naive to assume that everyone uses bookmarks the same way as me, but they're generally used for my daily sites that don't have RSS feeds, or that have interactive content that I'll need to access at various points during the day, usually in rapid succession. So it makes zero sense to have to waste additional time clicking over to the page of links I'm looking for, every time you backtrack to the homepage. It's not like they're unmanageable as is; there's maybe 20 of them. Suddenly we're horribly concerned about vertical screen space now? Grr.

It's like that my.yahoo debacle all over again, except this time there's still so much I still love about it that I can't ever imagine leaving. I forgive new flaws when you've got that much functionality left. (Whereas Yahoo pretty much lost me forever with their overdesigning, when you actively have to click three links to actually access the content you see on the screen. Damn, I still wonder to this day how they managed to screw that up so bad.)

------------------------

Whew, okay, venting over. I feel much better.

(I'm still pretty bitter about all the politics stuff, though.)

Fall Back into Television (Week 5)

Another weird week for television watching. Missed Thursday due to a concert commitment (which I'm totally planning to actually write about for once) and didn't catch up at all, so this week should be nice and short.

• How I Met Your Mother - So apparently I'm just about as dense as a brick, because I did not see that ending coming, despite the fact that it was telegraphed about as obviously as you can get without flashing a big sign that said FORESHADOWING every time Sarah Chalke was onscreen. And I will miss her, even though I thought her whole character was a bit shoehorned into the show. She really does have some great comedic timing, and she melded well with the cast. Sad, but necessary for the plot.
  
  It was a great episode to boot: tons of continuity (zitchdog!), a return to natural characterizations, and Robin's completely awesome speech. I'm totally back in sync with this show. Oh, and super major props for not trying to wedge another storyline for Marshall and Lily just because they're there. I think they are actually starting to gather that the best plot heavy episodes are the ones where we focus on just one thing, rather than the traditional multi-arcs for everyone. We saw it two years ago with Something Borrowed/Something Blue, and saw how it didn't work last year with Miracles. Let's hope they keep this going.
  
  
• Chuck - And yeah, I think I'm done. It's a good show, but it's just not for me. I appreciate it while it's going on, and I chuckle and think that Zachary Levi has actually become Seth 2.0 in my mind (the exact ratio of nerd/hot that I like, only his show hasn't yet collapsed in on itself and his personality like The OC eventually did). But I'm just not that into it. And since I have to tape Heroes for Frank while it's on the air, I have to actively seek it out on the Internet later, which is something I'm very reluctant to do for some reason.
  
  Still, it was pretty sweet to see Nicole Ritchie getting beat the hell up.
  
  
• South Park - I don't know, I sort of really enjoyed that. I mean, it wasn't terribly hilarious, but I love me some Cloverfield (and by extension, some Cloverfield-parody). And even though I don't know what that deal was with the pan-flute bands, "Tapas and Moodscapes" is just about the best title for a CD ever invented. I'm cautiously optimistic after a really rough start to the season.
  
  
• 30 Rock - Sweet damn, how I've missed this show. Some of it was a little tone deaf (Jenna's Japanese commercial and Will Arnette's homo-bit primarily) but man, there were some great moments. I love Tracey's little commentaries on his own dialogue ("Yes, I am provocative!") whenever he's doing something in public. It reminded me of that bit from Season One, where he ended a supposedly witty conversation with a loud "Haha! Banter!" Which is something I've longed to do ever since.
  
  And the soap opera bit was perfect ("Ever since that incident with the weather machine.") even up to the aborted kiss. God, Alec Baldwin really is awesome at this part. I'm not sure if I'm entirely up for this adoption/baby line, after the mess that was Baby Momma, but I'm willing to give it a go.
  
  Oh, and I didn't even mention my favorite throwaway moment:
  Liz: Kenneth, do you know what imperative means?
  Kenneth: Oooh, ooh, tell me!
  [Liz badger face]
  
  (Note: Since someone asked - No I'm not from the future, NBC has the episode online a week early. And there was no way I was waiting until the airdate to watch it. Self control is not one of my strong suits)
  
  
• The Amazing Race - And now we finally remember why the artificial bunching is so important - that was about the least intense episode ever filmed, because the last team was so very behind from the last leg, they couldn't even pretend to build suspense on who was going home. Although team Gross Frat Guys gave them the material to try anyways. Seriously, this is a crazy-weak field of competitors: Those blondes from last week that ambled through something like 4 weeks of the show without getting eliminated, Aja and Ty's inability to navigate anywhere, the Frat Guys inability to build or operate anything.
  
  Even the strong teams seem to have something that slows them down: Team Siblings stopping a prearranged truck driver to ask for directions, Team Divorcees deciding to play hoops before getting a clue. But this just gives me more and more hope that my Team Teenwolf is going to have the chops to make it to the end. Even the editing seems to support a final three of Divorcees / Siblings / Teenwolf. But that Terence/Sarah combo is resilient, and the older couple are really strong. I like that there is some parity there, but seriously people, let's pick it up.
  
  Oh, and way to finally use my most desired travel destination in the entire world: Cambodia and Angkor Wat. Man, if I ever get to travel anywhere, it's so going to be there.
  
  
• Things I Missed: Most egregiously - The Office and Ugly Betty, which I usually immediately catch up on, but I haven't been in an Office mood even once this whole week. Survivor (but I heard it was crap anyways), and It's Always Sunny, which I think means I'm officially a full month behind.
  
  
• Things That I've Given Up On: Pushing Daisies (I love this show when I watch it, but for some reason I can't be bothered), Dirty Sexy Money (ditto, plus I've heard Samarie Armstrong is gone, and she was totally my primary reason for watching), and Fringe (let's just accept it and move on, I can't keep making excuses).

So much for this week being short. To save space, 30 Rock wins every single award this week: Best Episode, Best Line (Devon(about running the company GE): "It's just G now, I sold the E to Samsung. They're SameSung now."), Best Moment (a toss up between the soap opera bit and the Will/Jack face off about enemies almost kissing), Most Disappointing (the lack of good Jenna and no Toofer), and Most Anticipated. No, seriously, I have a problem with how much I love this show.

Fall Back into Television (Week 4)

Big time television update: Due to strange things like moving offices and the complete collapse of the economic market in the United States and abroad, I somehow procured a sweet new (slightly used) TV to put in my bedroom, for next to no cash. There's no real reason for doing this, except that it lets me be even more of a time wasting lump than usual, by combining both my television watching and my Internet browsing into some kind of unholy vortex of slacking from which there is no escape.

The only problem with this setup is that I'm way too cheap to spring for another cable box in my bedroom, which means that if I want to change the channel in my bedroom, I have to physically walk into the living room. So in a weird way, I actually get more exercise this way than before.

Anyways, when we last left TV, I had just about given up hope for mankind when the best episode of the entire week was from a show that I have written about in the past as "actively unfunny; it's like the writers truly hate the people who are supposedly watching."

Did this week restore my faith in televised-humanity? Let's find out.

• The Big Bang Theory - Thank God, at least that part of my universe is righted - this one was not good at all. Still, I have a sort of affection for this show. It's got a certain charm, and even when they're off, there are some good laughs to be had. Maybe I've just lost my ability to hate the mediocre. I dunno.
  
  
• How I Met Your Mother - And let's have another round of God thanking, because we've finally found an episode this season that I really, really enjoyed. Insular flashback episodes are always great, and even if this one was a little overly self-referential it was still really funny. Intervention for holding interventions, Barney's magic, fake Cockney accent for Lily - I'm totally on board. And how awesome is that preview for this week? Some manner of girl fight at a wedding? I know I promised to stop hyping this show, but sweet damn, let's bring it on!
  
  
• Chuck - Bryce! I love Bryce. Mostly because in my mind I think that Bryce also secretly loves Chuck, in a really inappropriate way. It's like an alternate fan-fiction world played out onscreen, if your mind works like mine (be glad that it doesn't). But overall: yawn. Took me three different sit-downs in front of Hulu to get through the whole thing, because I kept finding more interesting things to do.
  
  
• Gossip Girl - Again, I only caught about 5 minutes of this show while flipping over to Monday Night Football, but the part I saw had a cute guy tied to a bell(?) wearing nothing but boxers. Seriously, if this show actually is a gay porn, someone needs to tell me.
  
  
• Project Runway - Well that was just about the most predictable and boring finale possible. So little drama that they seriously spent 5 minutes on a dog taking a poop in the workroom. That said, I felt pretty confident after looking at the lines before the show that it was going to go Leanne, Korto, Kenley in that order, but they did manage to inject a touch of drama during the judging, going out of their way to praise Kenley like they did.
  
  Still, I can't complain about this season too much, even if it was kinda boring, since two of my three favorites from the beginning were the final two. Here's hoping they get everything sorted so that we can get to the next season. I don't care if it's Bravo or Lifetime, I just want the chance say "Where the hell is my chiffon?" as angrily as possible and not have the reference wasted.
  
  
• Ugly Betty - What did I just say not 2 episodes ago? Give the people what they want - Amanda and Mark! Not an hour long return of Gio and the amazingly boring tiny French child subplot. I was pretty much completely over this entire episode the second it began. But I did like the chase scene, Judith Light tearing things up, and Hilda being crazy awesome with the acting, while resolving a terrible storyline perfectly.
  
  
• Survivor - So apparently I don't care about what happens this season at all, in regards to teams and strategies. Instead, I just follow the saga of Gay Charlie and Marcus. I swear I thought I was hallucinating, but didn't Marcus playfully bite Charlie on the shoulder during that reward challenge? If Marcus is just playing him for an alliance, my wrath will be swift and terrible.
  
  But anyways - so Fang is just about as dumb as a bag of rocks, aren't they? Don't just talk about things, you actually have to do them for it to matter. You know she has the idol, she knows that you know, you know that she knows you know (*whew*). Get on the ball people.
  
  
• The Office - That was about as off an episode as The Office can get, but it was still pretty funny. The problem seemed to be that everything was too over-the-top. The cold open was manic, Dwight's subplot was overdone, as was Jan's awkwardness. Even the ending voicemails were just too twee for my tastes. Too on-the-nose that even though they're not in sync, they totally are. Blerg. The good parts though: Jan's singing Son of a Preacher Man for 20 minutes. Holly (just in general). Angela dressing the baby up as a salad.
  
  Frankly, I almost don't want to see how they're going to resolve the Holly character at this point, considering the limited time Amy Ryan has on the show. I'm anticipating pain. So much pain. Do you remember how Amy Adams ended her run on the show? I'm wincing right now, just thinking about it.
  
  
• The Amazing Race - Wow, I'm not sure I've ever seen an episode that was so delineated into teams of good and bad racers. Top five were great, despite #4 & #5 detour switching (No! BAD!), whereas the bottom three were seemingly completely inept - either at the travelling part (Pinks and Aja and Ty) or the challenges (Team Gross Frat Guys). Still super rooting for team Mom/Crazy Haired Son, and starting to come around on the Sarah/Terence combo, assuming he turns down his awfulness by about 400%. Seriously, she's kind of awesome, despite his tool-like nature ("You're bad at ripping things"? I will poke you in the eye, sir).
  
  
• Things I Missed - Was there a new Fringe this week? Because I didn't watch it if there was one. Also, no Pushing Daisies or Dirty Sexy Money, because I just can't be bothered, no Simpsons because it was on against Amazing Race, and no It's Always Sunny because I forgot this week and am somehow three episodes behind now. Man, I'm just falling down on keeping up with things. Especially since I have no excuse now, what with the TV in the bedroom and all.
  

Recap

Best Episode of the Week:
How I Met Your Mother - Intervention

Best Line of the Week:
Project Runway - "100,000 dollars. Drinks are on this brother." (Whatever. I love Leanne.)

Best Moment of the Week:
Amazing Race - The whole Maori warriors Roadblock. (Nose touching is just too cute.)
Runner Up:
Survivor - No seriously, he bit his shoulder. (I'm reading way too much into this.)

Most Disappointing:
Ugly Betty and the continuing reset of last season.

Most Anticipated:
How I Met Your Mother - Wedding time!