In what has become basically the last of my kept blogging traditions, I present my annual round-up of new movies that I watched this year. As always, everything is arbitrarily ranked in numerical order from least to most enjoyed. This year I had to cut down the categories, as I watched way less movies than normal, but also liked waaaay more than I usually do.
Movies that I Hated Beyond All Rational Measure:
24. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (also known as man's greatest crime against art in at least 24 months)
Movies that I Liked:
23. Confessions of a Shopaholic (seriously y'all, one disliked movie. It was a good year)
22. Fired Up
21. Monsters Vs. Aliens
20. Sunshine Cleaning (you'd think all the good acting would have saved this movie from such a low fate, but no)
19. Push
18. 9
17. The Twilight Saga: New Moon (I cannot begin to decide where to put this movie)
16. I Love You, Man
Movies that were Great:
15. Precious (Yes, the acting is phenomenal. It's also the most depressing thing I've ever seen and have no desire to ever revisit it again)
14. Julie & Julia
13. The Informant! (Another movie too hard to rank well. It was hilarious and interesting, but really all I remember is the soundtrack)
12. Watchmen
11. Zombieland
10. Coraline
9. 17 Again (How is this movie ranked so high in my mind? It is a mystery)
Movies that were Excellent:
8. The Hangover (Seriously, maybe one of the funniest straight comedies I've seen in ages)
7. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
6. Up (Have I mentioned that this movie made me cry 4 times? No, really, 4)
5. District 9
4. Star Trek
3. Adventureland (I can't remember if I wrote this one up, but man I loooved this movie. Kristen Stewart represent!)
2. Paranormal Activity (Scariest damn movie I've seen since The Ring)
1. (500) Days of Summer
So what did we learn from this list? Absolutely nothing, except that it has spurred me to reactivate my Netflix/Blockbuster membership because there were so many movies I wanted to see this year that I missed.
Next up: Booklist!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Stories
I miss writing. Not in a serious way, or a compelling one. Just in a "man I used to really like doing that" sort of way. Kinda how I miss playing badminton. It's a vague and ill-defined itch in the back of my mind. Unlike badminton, though, I can do something about it without getting up off the couch. So let's get on with some stories.
Where I've Been (Sappy Life Update)
So I found a new job. I don't know if I mentioned it on here or not, and I'll be damned if I'll actually go back and read things I've written before. Always forward, never back. But, yeah, so I'm gainfully employed again after a 2 month hiatus. In the end, it worked out ideally - I moved out of a bad job situation and into a really great one in the same field, with very little downtime It's a better situation all around, and I'm actually on a real career path instead of just running in place like before. Combine that with the fact that I took some much needed time during the forced sabbatical to get my head on straight and my body back into shape, and everything seems to be in a really positive place. This sounds queer as hell, but I'm incredibly happy with my life right now. I know, shocking, right?
What I've Been Doing (Technology Whore)
So as a reward for finding a new and better paying job, I finally broke down and bought a new laptop. I know it's an extravagance in the extreme... but just wait for the rest of this post. I can defend it a little bit - my desktop computer has become this Frankenstein Monster of various cobbled-parts that don't even fit into its tower. Wires, cables, random boxes, and fans spill out of it like the remnants of an incendiary explosion gone wrong. And even in its make-shift upgraded state, it continues to run slower and slower. The laptop is sleek, pretty, runs twice as fast as the desktop, and I can do things like type on it while lying on the couch watching football and yelling at my roommate to bring me more turkey while he's up. (Not that I'm necessarily doing that right now, no sir).
But yeah, so if you think it's extravagant to go out and get a laptop right after a two month unemployment stint, you'll love this part - last week as a late birthday present to myself, I bought an iPhone. There's no defending that one - owning an iPhone is equivalent to the worst excesses of the Roman empire. I feel so much like Hedonism Bot from Futurama that it's uncanny ("I regret nothing!").
Seriously, though, it's awesome. Instant access to email, facebook, AIM, grouped texts, decent camera, a 32 gig iPod built in, you might as well just hook it to my veins. When you add in the google maps function so I never get lost anymore and the fact that I can play Katamari Damacy anywhere anytime now, I might as well have died and gone to gay-white-nerd heaven.
What I've Been Listening To (Music Snob Section)
November was a good month for concerts. I went to see Regina Spektor at Nokia as my real birthday present to myself and it was life-affirming as usual. I think it's so crazy how big she's gotten lately - I still remember when she was at the Gypsy Tea Room, and now she's filling up huge venues. But it was an awesome show - she played the best stuff off the new album Far, plus an amazing version of Ode to Divorce, a near show-stopping version of Silly Eye-Color Generalizations and ended the show with her country song Love You're a Whore (something that I've been dying to see in person). Basically, she continues to complete me in ways that are utterly undefinable. Or to put it in terms of Roommate Jim "I have never seen you look gayer than when you're smiling at a Regina Spektor concert." Which, while a hate crime, is technically accurate.
I also went to see Imogen Heap at the Granada approximately 4 days following the Regina concert and it was similarly awesome. It wasn't exactly polished - there were several extended technical delays and her voice (while always awesome) was obviously suffering from multi back-to-back concert nights. That said, there were some amazing bits - a truly awesome rendition of Bad Body Double, an unbelievably chilling version of The Moment I Said It, and a really unique and fun take on Just For Now. And as far as old school ambiance goes, you really can't beat the Granada. Even though the show was sold out, the crowd was super cool and really into the show. Bravo all around.
Short Stories That Make You Wonder (I'm Too Lazy for Proper Posts)
I got a new roommate. Roommate Frank has run off to greener pastures where there are dogs that he can play with, and floors that don't randomly shift their planes for their own amusement. In his stead we introduce Roommate Jim, who's already been heavily featured in stories around here, just not while co-habitating. It's a pretty sweet setup, in that we are basically the straight/gay versions of each other. It's all video games, sports, and minor drinking adventures all the time nowadays. He keeps me honest and less hermit-like than I would normally be in such times, so it's a good thing.
My birthday was aging, but super fun. I managed to go out three separate times (in true Birthday Week fashion) and never got overly drunk. Good conversation, good venues, and good drinks. Is it possible that I'm growing up and can actually celebrate in moderation? Let's just assume this is an aberration, not a sign of things to come. We'll see how Gingerbread Party goes next month as the real indicator.
Thanksgiving was short (low-man on the totem pole at the new office means working on the day after) but I still managed to partake in enough of my family's delicious meal in the 10 hours I was home that I will probably never be the same shape again. (Also contributing to that shape: the literal 10 pounds of leftovers that my mom gave to me on the way out the door. Seriously, I'm going to be a pear before the new year). I brought Roommate Jim back with me to the homestead, and I'm pretty sure that no parties were permanently scarred from the event, which is all I was hoping for, frankly. To quote a great man: No one got shot, no one got outed. I'll take it.
Where I've Been (Sappy Life Update)
So I found a new job. I don't know if I mentioned it on here or not, and I'll be damned if I'll actually go back and read things I've written before. Always forward, never back. But, yeah, so I'm gainfully employed again after a 2 month hiatus. In the end, it worked out ideally - I moved out of a bad job situation and into a really great one in the same field, with very little downtime It's a better situation all around, and I'm actually on a real career path instead of just running in place like before. Combine that with the fact that I took some much needed time during the forced sabbatical to get my head on straight and my body back into shape, and everything seems to be in a really positive place. This sounds queer as hell, but I'm incredibly happy with my life right now. I know, shocking, right?
What I've Been Doing (Technology Whore)
So as a reward for finding a new and better paying job, I finally broke down and bought a new laptop. I know it's an extravagance in the extreme... but just wait for the rest of this post. I can defend it a little bit - my desktop computer has become this Frankenstein Monster of various cobbled-parts that don't even fit into its tower. Wires, cables, random boxes, and fans spill out of it like the remnants of an incendiary explosion gone wrong. And even in its make-shift upgraded state, it continues to run slower and slower. The laptop is sleek, pretty, runs twice as fast as the desktop, and I can do things like type on it while lying on the couch watching football and yelling at my roommate to bring me more turkey while he's up. (Not that I'm necessarily doing that right now, no sir).
But yeah, so if you think it's extravagant to go out and get a laptop right after a two month unemployment stint, you'll love this part - last week as a late birthday present to myself, I bought an iPhone. There's no defending that one - owning an iPhone is equivalent to the worst excesses of the Roman empire. I feel so much like Hedonism Bot from Futurama that it's uncanny ("I regret nothing!").
Seriously, though, it's awesome. Instant access to email, facebook, AIM, grouped texts, decent camera, a 32 gig iPod built in, you might as well just hook it to my veins. When you add in the google maps function so I never get lost anymore and the fact that I can play Katamari Damacy anywhere anytime now, I might as well have died and gone to gay-white-nerd heaven.
What I've Been Listening To (Music Snob Section)
November was a good month for concerts. I went to see Regina Spektor at Nokia as my real birthday present to myself and it was life-affirming as usual. I think it's so crazy how big she's gotten lately - I still remember when she was at the Gypsy Tea Room, and now she's filling up huge venues. But it was an awesome show - she played the best stuff off the new album Far, plus an amazing version of Ode to Divorce, a near show-stopping version of Silly Eye-Color Generalizations and ended the show with her country song Love You're a Whore (something that I've been dying to see in person). Basically, she continues to complete me in ways that are utterly undefinable. Or to put it in terms of Roommate Jim "I have never seen you look gayer than when you're smiling at a Regina Spektor concert." Which, while a hate crime, is technically accurate.
I also went to see Imogen Heap at the Granada approximately 4 days following the Regina concert and it was similarly awesome. It wasn't exactly polished - there were several extended technical delays and her voice (while always awesome) was obviously suffering from multi back-to-back concert nights. That said, there were some amazing bits - a truly awesome rendition of Bad Body Double, an unbelievably chilling version of The Moment I Said It, and a really unique and fun take on Just For Now. And as far as old school ambiance goes, you really can't beat the Granada. Even though the show was sold out, the crowd was super cool and really into the show. Bravo all around.
Short Stories That Make You Wonder (I'm Too Lazy for Proper Posts)
I got a new roommate. Roommate Frank has run off to greener pastures where there are dogs that he can play with, and floors that don't randomly shift their planes for their own amusement. In his stead we introduce Roommate Jim, who's already been heavily featured in stories around here, just not while co-habitating. It's a pretty sweet setup, in that we are basically the straight/gay versions of each other. It's all video games, sports, and minor drinking adventures all the time nowadays. He keeps me honest and less hermit-like than I would normally be in such times, so it's a good thing.
My birthday was aging, but super fun. I managed to go out three separate times (in true Birthday Week fashion) and never got overly drunk. Good conversation, good venues, and good drinks. Is it possible that I'm growing up and can actually celebrate in moderation? Let's just assume this is an aberration, not a sign of things to come. We'll see how Gingerbread Party goes next month as the real indicator.
Thanksgiving was short (low-man on the totem pole at the new office means working on the day after) but I still managed to partake in enough of my family's delicious meal in the 10 hours I was home that I will probably never be the same shape again. (Also contributing to that shape: the literal 10 pounds of leftovers that my mom gave to me on the way out the door. Seriously, I'm going to be a pear before the new year). I brought Roommate Jim back with me to the homestead, and I'm pretty sure that no parties were permanently scarred from the event, which is all I was hoping for, frankly. To quote a great man: No one got shot, no one got outed. I'll take it.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Fall TV Roll Call
(Heads up note: I am in a cursing mood today. Blog is now officially rated R)
Woo, fall TV is upon us. And shit, son, things have gotten very real very quickly. Such a strong start to the season, with a lot of good new shows. I'm sure some of these will fall off over time, but right now I am stretched to the max. It's exciting! And it's a good thing I'm unemployed. So much TV time.
Monday
How I Met Your Mother - Y'all, I missed this show so much. And it came back pretty strong. It's weird how I can love a show and yet hate the characters involved so much. Ted's pretension and Lily's overbearing-ness is completely in character and utterly frustrating, but it's organic and natural. I feel like maybe there could be a break coming for me (when I can't deal with it anymore) but for now, it's like old friends who have annoying tics, but you still love hanging out with them because they're so much fun. Also: NPH was robbed at the Emmys. For real. How good was he doing the hosting? RAGE.
Accidentally on Purpose - Wow, we're going to give it a couple of episodes because it was a pilot and I do like Jenna Elfman, but seriously, not good at all. Cliched in the worst kind of way, and I'm sorry, but there were straight up problems with line delivery and landing punchlines. Very bush-league stuff starting out.
The Big Bang Theory - Most underwhelming return, as I had super high hopes, but still solid. A total waste of Laurie Metcalf (who is usually great), and what I thought was a terrible mis-read of character for Leonard. I mean, yes we know that Sheldon can be handful, but seriously: you sabotage a university grant and make a huge setback to your best friend's career and all you can do is try to get laid? Yes, yes, sitcom, I know. But still - we watch these shows for the characters, not the situations, dammit. Ugh, I'm over-complaining. It was actually pretty funny. Red cowboy hat, woo.
Castle - Trying out the second season. Kinda not-to-bad. We'll see how it goes. Damn, I love me some Nathan Fillion. Mostly forgettable, though. People tell me it grows on you.
Tuesday
Hells Kitchen - I get that it's basically a joke of a show, but it's strangely compelling. Editing is for shit, and they can really step on their own storylines without seeming to give a single damn, but I still tune in regardless. It reminds me of some of those mid-early seasons of Survivor, where nothing really happened episode to episode, but the seasons on the whole were compelling. Also, I'm a sucker for food shows lately.
Biggest Loser - Man, this show sucks me in so quickly. I'm already over the crying and the sob stories, which I am pretty sure will burn me out on the show before we hid mid-season, but the drama of the weight loss is higher than ever (mostly because these are some big folks they've got going this time round). Still - two hours every week? Overkill.
Wednesday
So You Think You Can Dance - That summer season was a delight. So far, all I'm coming away with from the fall is that I absolutely cannot watch the audition episodes of this show. They're a million times worse for me than the American Idol equivalents, and I hate those with a passion. I'll get back to you when they set the field.
Glee - I was on the fence for episode two (contrived, too quickly paced, and I wasn't on board with the music yet), but this last episode has me on the train for a while. I didn't mind the pace rush (it's a style), the jokes were solid, and the music was awesome. I'm not a huge fan of the direction the drama is taking, but I'll give it some space. Also, really impressed with some of the acting bits. Weird, considering I thought that was going to be the weak link, based on the pilot.
Modern Family - I was ready to write it off as good, but not appointment level TV, and then The Lion King bit happened. I laughed so hard that I think I pulled something. Seriously, that hit me out of nowhere and I went on one of those insane laughing jags that I sometimes get. Maybe it was just a one-time thing, but it's getting them a lot of goodwill. Also, setting an appointment to shoot your child: hilarious. "Sorry buddy, it's on the calendar."
Cougar Town - Okay, yes, it sounds terrible. But I really, really, really enjoyed it. Possibly the most out of all the sitcoms this week. I KNOW! Courtney Cox is a little shrill and overplaying a bit, but the supporting cast is so solid, particularly Busy Phillips(!) and the kid who plays her son. I'm definitely looking to see what the show has up its sleeve, and if it can keep up what seems like a weak premise.
Thursday
Flash Forward - As usual, I don't pick up a lot of new dramas, but this one definitely has me hooked. I like the acting a whole lot, I like the premise, and I love the immediate way they rolled into the real story. None of that "it's impossible" garbage - we are on the track and moving. Of course, it helps that they're doing that whole predestination/knowledge-of-the-future-to-change-it angle, which is something that I eat up with a spoon. I've got high, high hopes. Also, Dominic Monaghan!
Survivor - Wow, I don't think I've had that level of whiplash in a single episode in forever. Such an amazingly promising start (blind leader picking! blind task picking!) that almost immediately devolved into the Russell Show of Terribleness. I'm so over him that I didn't even need to make the hard DVR choice this week - Survivor got cut. I might pick it up occasionally to see how things go, but for now: OUT
Parks and Recreation - Y'all, they are keeping it up! That's three straight great episodes. Finding a real tone for Amy Poehler that isn't just a Michael Scott retread. Actual, hilarious jokes. Bright joining the main cast! That young people relationship explanation! I am so stoked for this show now.
The Office - A great opening episode (maybe the most I've laughed in a single episode since season 3) followed by a near tone-deaf second episode. So strange. Still always on board (I'm not going to doubt them anymore after the last season they worked up) but I'm a little wary. Andy has been the real highlight both episodes thus far though. That's weird.
Community - I've told most people I know: probably my favorite pilot I've seen in about 5 years. Second episode wasn't as great - they're obviously still trying to set a tone for the actress who plays Britta and Joel McHale to work with, but still very solid. I'm loving Thursdays this year. (Also, the kid who plays Abed is rapidly approaching a treasured status for me.)
Project Runway - Ah, my old friend. It's about damn time. Doesn't seem to have suffered much at all with the TV and production company change. And they've got a good cast this year. So far though, it's been kinda rough, because the judging has been all over the map. On occasion I have disagreed with the exact winner and loser, but I've straight up thought that the winning piece should have gone home a couple of times this season. Also, very little Michael Koors and Nina Garcia, which I didn't think I needed until they weren't there. Still great TV, just weird.
(Awards span two weeks this one time)
Best Episode of the Week:
The Office - Gossip
(And Lord help me) Cougar Town - Pilot
Best Line of the Week:
Parks and Recreation - April (explaining her relationship): "Derek is gay but he's straight for me but he's gay for Ben and Ben's really gay for Derek. And I hate Ben. It's not that complicated"
Runner Up:
The Office - Michael: "If somebody doesn't tell me, I'm going to start screaming."
Best Moment of the Week:
Modern Family - The Lion King baby reveal
Most Disappointing:
The Big Bang Theory - Why an asshole, Leonard?
Most Anticipated:
Amazing Race season premiere on Sunday!
Woo, fall TV is upon us. And shit, son, things have gotten very real very quickly. Such a strong start to the season, with a lot of good new shows. I'm sure some of these will fall off over time, but right now I am stretched to the max. It's exciting! And it's a good thing I'm unemployed. So much TV time.
Monday
How I Met Your Mother - Y'all, I missed this show so much. And it came back pretty strong. It's weird how I can love a show and yet hate the characters involved so much. Ted's pretension and Lily's overbearing-ness is completely in character and utterly frustrating, but it's organic and natural. I feel like maybe there could be a break coming for me (when I can't deal with it anymore) but for now, it's like old friends who have annoying tics, but you still love hanging out with them because they're so much fun. Also: NPH was robbed at the Emmys. For real. How good was he doing the hosting? RAGE.
Accidentally on Purpose - Wow, we're going to give it a couple of episodes because it was a pilot and I do like Jenna Elfman, but seriously, not good at all. Cliched in the worst kind of way, and I'm sorry, but there were straight up problems with line delivery and landing punchlines. Very bush-league stuff starting out.
The Big Bang Theory - Most underwhelming return, as I had super high hopes, but still solid. A total waste of Laurie Metcalf (who is usually great), and what I thought was a terrible mis-read of character for Leonard. I mean, yes we know that Sheldon can be handful, but seriously: you sabotage a university grant and make a huge setback to your best friend's career and all you can do is try to get laid? Yes, yes, sitcom, I know. But still - we watch these shows for the characters, not the situations, dammit. Ugh, I'm over-complaining. It was actually pretty funny. Red cowboy hat, woo.
Castle - Trying out the second season. Kinda not-to-bad. We'll see how it goes. Damn, I love me some Nathan Fillion. Mostly forgettable, though. People tell me it grows on you.
Tuesday
Hells Kitchen - I get that it's basically a joke of a show, but it's strangely compelling. Editing is for shit, and they can really step on their own storylines without seeming to give a single damn, but I still tune in regardless. It reminds me of some of those mid-early seasons of Survivor, where nothing really happened episode to episode, but the seasons on the whole were compelling. Also, I'm a sucker for food shows lately.
Biggest Loser - Man, this show sucks me in so quickly. I'm already over the crying and the sob stories, which I am pretty sure will burn me out on the show before we hid mid-season, but the drama of the weight loss is higher than ever (mostly because these are some big folks they've got going this time round). Still - two hours every week? Overkill.
Wednesday
So You Think You Can Dance - That summer season was a delight. So far, all I'm coming away with from the fall is that I absolutely cannot watch the audition episodes of this show. They're a million times worse for me than the American Idol equivalents, and I hate those with a passion. I'll get back to you when they set the field.
Glee - I was on the fence for episode two (contrived, too quickly paced, and I wasn't on board with the music yet), but this last episode has me on the train for a while. I didn't mind the pace rush (it's a style), the jokes were solid, and the music was awesome. I'm not a huge fan of the direction the drama is taking, but I'll give it some space. Also, really impressed with some of the acting bits. Weird, considering I thought that was going to be the weak link, based on the pilot.
Modern Family - I was ready to write it off as good, but not appointment level TV, and then The Lion King bit happened. I laughed so hard that I think I pulled something. Seriously, that hit me out of nowhere and I went on one of those insane laughing jags that I sometimes get. Maybe it was just a one-time thing, but it's getting them a lot of goodwill. Also, setting an appointment to shoot your child: hilarious. "Sorry buddy, it's on the calendar."
Cougar Town - Okay, yes, it sounds terrible. But I really, really, really enjoyed it. Possibly the most out of all the sitcoms this week. I KNOW! Courtney Cox is a little shrill and overplaying a bit, but the supporting cast is so solid, particularly Busy Phillips(!) and the kid who plays her son. I'm definitely looking to see what the show has up its sleeve, and if it can keep up what seems like a weak premise.
Thursday
Flash Forward - As usual, I don't pick up a lot of new dramas, but this one definitely has me hooked. I like the acting a whole lot, I like the premise, and I love the immediate way they rolled into the real story. None of that "it's impossible" garbage - we are on the track and moving. Of course, it helps that they're doing that whole predestination/knowledge-of-the-future-to-change-it angle, which is something that I eat up with a spoon. I've got high, high hopes. Also, Dominic Monaghan!
Survivor - Wow, I don't think I've had that level of whiplash in a single episode in forever. Such an amazingly promising start (blind leader picking! blind task picking!) that almost immediately devolved into the Russell Show of Terribleness. I'm so over him that I didn't even need to make the hard DVR choice this week - Survivor got cut. I might pick it up occasionally to see how things go, but for now: OUT
Parks and Recreation - Y'all, they are keeping it up! That's three straight great episodes. Finding a real tone for Amy Poehler that isn't just a Michael Scott retread. Actual, hilarious jokes. Bright joining the main cast! That young people relationship explanation! I am so stoked for this show now.
The Office - A great opening episode (maybe the most I've laughed in a single episode since season 3) followed by a near tone-deaf second episode. So strange. Still always on board (I'm not going to doubt them anymore after the last season they worked up) but I'm a little wary. Andy has been the real highlight both episodes thus far though. That's weird.
Community - I've told most people I know: probably my favorite pilot I've seen in about 5 years. Second episode wasn't as great - they're obviously still trying to set a tone for the actress who plays Britta and Joel McHale to work with, but still very solid. I'm loving Thursdays this year. (Also, the kid who plays Abed is rapidly approaching a treasured status for me.)
Project Runway - Ah, my old friend. It's about damn time. Doesn't seem to have suffered much at all with the TV and production company change. And they've got a good cast this year. So far though, it's been kinda rough, because the judging has been all over the map. On occasion I have disagreed with the exact winner and loser, but I've straight up thought that the winning piece should have gone home a couple of times this season. Also, very little Michael Koors and Nina Garcia, which I didn't think I needed until they weren't there. Still great TV, just weird.
(Awards span two weeks this one time)
Best Episode of the Week:
The Office - Gossip
(And Lord help me) Cougar Town - Pilot
Best Line of the Week:
Parks and Recreation - April (explaining her relationship): "Derek is gay but he's straight for me but he's gay for Ben and Ben's really gay for Derek. And I hate Ben. It's not that complicated"
Runner Up:
The Office - Michael: "If somebody doesn't tell me, I'm going to start screaming."
Best Moment of the Week:
Modern Family - The Lion King baby reveal
Most Disappointing:
The Big Bang Theory - Why an asshole, Leonard?
Most Anticipated:
Amazing Race season premiere on Sunday!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Fall = TV Time, Y'all
That's right! You think it's a coincidence that the blog restart happened right as the Fall TV season started back up? Oh you poor, naive blog reader. I need mindless content, and I need it now.
But I'm mixing it up a little - rather than plan out my whole schedule in advance, I'm watching everything for a week or two, and then I'm gonna present the updated rundown, so as not to even pretend-blog-commit to something terrible and then get stuck with the residual DVR guilt that accompanies an unwatched show.
So instead, let's do a rewind to last season and I'll give Emmy predictions! Because I live for award shows that aren't on MTV.
Hold on to your hats!
Lead Actor (Comedy):
Steve Carell, The Office
Tony Shalhoub, Monk
Jemaine Clement, Flight Of The Conchords
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Charlie Sheen, Two And A Half Men
Who should win: Knock-down, drag-out fight between Steve Carell and Alec Baldwin, who consistently vie for funniest person on TV every week. I think in this case I'd give it to Steve Carell, since he made huge stretches of an uneven Office season go from 'bearable' to 'hilarious.'
Who I'd like to win: Jim Parsons, because he's turned one of the worst things ever created as a sitcom into something that is genuinely funny. If everyone were forced to watch the best episode of the season for each actor on the list and vote for the funniest one, I feel pretty confident that he would have a decent chance of winning if they used the Gift Basket episode. Possibly the funniest bit of physical acting I have seen since Alec Baldwin's therapy session last year.
Who will win: Alec Baldwin, because 30 Rock smells like a near-sweep to me.
Lead Actress (Comedy):
Sarah Silverman, The Sarah Silverman Program
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures Of Old Christine
Toni Collette, United States Of Tara Showtime
Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Who should win: I think I'm biased here, but Tina Fey did have the strongest season here. Although I finally caught up on Weeds, and holy crap, Mary-Louise Parker did some all-caps ACTING this season. I might say you should give it to her for pulling that stuff off.
Who I'd like to win: Surprisingly, I think I like every nominee here. Even Sarah Silverman I could live with, even if she's not my cup of tea. If forced to pick one though, I go nostalgic and say Christina Applegate, since we're not getting any more of her show, and she's really great in it.
Who will win: Again, I feel Tina Fey and 30 Rock like a freight train. But I would not be bowled over by a Parker or Collette win - one for ACTING and one for a movie actress slumming it on pay cable.
Lead Actor (Drama):
Hugh Laurie, House
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Simon Baker, The Mentalist
Gabriel Byrne, In Treatment
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Who should win/Who I'd like to win: Uh, is this where I admit that I don't watch high profile dramas on TV anymore? Because with the exception of ubiquitous House, I've never seen an episode of any one of these shows. But I'll say Jon Hamm, because he's the prettiest, and was so funny on 30 Rock.
Who will win: Bryan Cranston won last year, right? The Emmy's like consistency, but then again everyone said Jon Hamm got robbed last year. I'll double up my foolish bets and say Hamm.
Lead Actress (Drama):
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer
Holly Hunter, Saving Grace
Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
Glenn Close, Damages
Who should win: Mariska Hargitay has been chewing scenery for at least 3 seasons, I physically loathe Sedgwick's acting tics on her show, and Sally Field is saddled with some terrible, terrible lines on her show that's gone awry in a serious way. That leaves Holly Hunter (who I love but do not watch her show), Elisabeth Moss (who I do not know), and Glenn Close (who is a cobra and I love). So...Moss? Everyone loves the Mad Men. Why am I doing this if I don't watch TV?
Who I'd like to win: Glenn Close. Watching her in Damages is like riding a roller coaster, where you're not sure if the ride owner is going to stab you in the eye at some point. But in a good way.
Who will win: I think this one is a straight toss up - none of them would surprise me (except maybe Sedgwick, and even then not really). I'll stick with my earlier assertion and say that Moss is going to sneak out a win, since Mad Men has some momentum and there's no one around to split the votes.
Comedy Series:
Entourage
Weeds
How I Met Your Mother
Flight Of The Conchords
30 Rock
The Office
Family Guy
Who should win: It's too bad that 30 Rock is so terribly great right now. Because if you dropped them from the list, I would almost have to tear my hair out to pick a single winner. But yeah, it's too easy.
Who I'd like to win: How I Met Your Mother is getting a make-up nomination - in their second season I would have easily given it to them, but now, not so much. Weeds, as previously described has gotten crazy good. The Office was uneven but is on a roll lately. But Flight of the Conchords owns a little piece of my heart, and how awesome would it be if they won? So awesome.
Who will win: 30 Rock. Unstoppable, I think.
Drama Series:
Big Love
Dexter
House
Damages
Mad Men
Breaking Bad
Lost
Who should win: Hell if I know. This is me throwing up my hands.
Who I'd like to win: Lost! Crazy-ass, confusing-as-hell, I-want-to-blow-up-an-island-so-I-can-make-it-with-the-criminal-chick, Lost. So much fun. Also, Damages would be acceptable, even if it wasn't as good as the first season.
Who will win: Mad Men, right? That's the new hotness, yes? Maybe I should go out on a limb, but I don't think so.
Reality Series:
Top Chef
Project Runway
The Amazing Race
Dancing With The Stars
American Idol
Who should win: Oh, shit, now we get down to it. Project Runway probably had the best season overall, I think. But Amazing Race had some downright amazing episodes, if not the best finale. American Idol was interesting, but it's a trifle compared with the rest. Yeah, I think I have to go with Project Runway.
Who I'd like to win: Project Runway is probably my favorite of the bunch as well. Although I wouldn't mind continuing domination by The Amazing Race. Shit is solid. Also had the cheese rolling down the hill challenge. Man, I'm torn.
Who will win: I would usually say that you don't mess with streaks, but I'm thinking this is the end of the line, what with all the press that Project Runway got switching networks. Project Runway with the upset.
Supporting Actor (Comedy):
Kevin Dillon, Entourage
Jon Cryer, Two And A Half Men
Rainn Wilson, The Office
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock
Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock
Who should win/Who I'd like to win/Who will win: For the love of all things good, holy, and homosexual, please let NPH finally win this award like he should have the last three years running.
Not that I don't love me some Tracy Morgan, but seriously. Just do it.
Supporting Actor (Drama):
William Shatner, Boston Legal
Michael Emerson, Lost
William Hurt, Damages
Christian Clemenson, Boston Legal
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
John Slattery, Mad Men
Who should win: Again, I still don't watch a lot of drama, but of the ones I watch, William Hurt was actually a pretty weak link in Damages, and Michael Emerson was the best part of Lost. So I'll go with him, attaching a huge old caveat to the determination.
Who I'd like to win: Emerson, or Shatner, because really, I can't hate the Shat, even if he's been a dick lately. Remember when he made that awesome album with Ben Folds? God, I love that album.
Who will win: Because it's usually the one I least expect in this category, I'm going with Aaron Paul in Breaking Bad, because I've never heard of him before.
Supporting Actress (Comedy):
Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies
Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds
Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Who should win: Talk about a stacked category - I literally love every single performance nominated here. Chenoweth is probably the best, but was the least seen. Krakowski did the most with the least. Williams is the least appreciated for what she does. Perkins might actually be the best thing in a show full of a lot of great things. It's so hard to decide. I guess Chenoweth is who I'm going with here, based just on merit.
Who I'd like to win: I'm crazy biased again, but Jenna is my favorite character on 30 Rock, and I love Jane Krakowski in a very deep and personal way. "I would have gone, but the boat I was educated on sank." There is no way I'm not rooting for her.
Who will win: Your guess is as good as mine. I'd like to invoke the 30 Rock train again, but I'm not feeling it in the supporting categories. I'm going out on a limb and give it to Vanessa Williams in a crazy, vote-splitting upset.
Supporting Actress (Drama):
Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy
Rose Byrne, Damages
Chandra Wilson, Grey's Anatomy
Dianne Wiest, In Treatment
Hope Davis, In Treatment
Cherry Jones, 24
Who should win: First of all, 24 is still on the air? What? Also, what on earth is In Treatment? This category is eating my soul. I'm just going to say Sandra Oh, because odds are that if she's involved in it, she deserves the award for being the best at it.
Who I'd like to win: I have a spot right here in my heart for Rose Byrne, and while she is regularly steam rolled by the juggernaut that is Glenn Close, she almost holds her own on occasion. I'd love to see her pick this up.
Who will win: I don't know why, but I'm really feeling Dianne Wiest here. She's ostensibly the most famous one on the list, right? And I did love her for those 5 minutes she was on Law & Order.
Other Random Notes:
But I'm mixing it up a little - rather than plan out my whole schedule in advance, I'm watching everything for a week or two, and then I'm gonna present the updated rundown, so as not to even pretend-blog-commit to something terrible and then get stuck with the residual DVR guilt that accompanies an unwatched show.
So instead, let's do a rewind to last season and I'll give Emmy predictions! Because I live for award shows that aren't on MTV.
Hold on to your hats!
Lead Actor (Comedy):
Steve Carell, The Office
Tony Shalhoub, Monk
Jemaine Clement, Flight Of The Conchords
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Charlie Sheen, Two And A Half Men
Who should win: Knock-down, drag-out fight between Steve Carell and Alec Baldwin, who consistently vie for funniest person on TV every week. I think in this case I'd give it to Steve Carell, since he made huge stretches of an uneven Office season go from 'bearable' to 'hilarious.'
Who I'd like to win: Jim Parsons, because he's turned one of the worst things ever created as a sitcom into something that is genuinely funny. If everyone were forced to watch the best episode of the season for each actor on the list and vote for the funniest one, I feel pretty confident that he would have a decent chance of winning if they used the Gift Basket episode. Possibly the funniest bit of physical acting I have seen since Alec Baldwin's therapy session last year.
Who will win: Alec Baldwin, because 30 Rock smells like a near-sweep to me.
Lead Actress (Comedy):
Sarah Silverman, The Sarah Silverman Program
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures Of Old Christine
Toni Collette, United States Of Tara Showtime
Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Who should win: I think I'm biased here, but Tina Fey did have the strongest season here. Although I finally caught up on Weeds, and holy crap, Mary-Louise Parker did some all-caps ACTING this season. I might say you should give it to her for pulling that stuff off.
Who I'd like to win: Surprisingly, I think I like every nominee here. Even Sarah Silverman I could live with, even if she's not my cup of tea. If forced to pick one though, I go nostalgic and say Christina Applegate, since we're not getting any more of her show, and she's really great in it.
Who will win: Again, I feel Tina Fey and 30 Rock like a freight train. But I would not be bowled over by a Parker or Collette win - one for ACTING and one for a movie actress slumming it on pay cable.
Lead Actor (Drama):
Hugh Laurie, House
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Simon Baker, The Mentalist
Gabriel Byrne, In Treatment
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Who should win/Who I'd like to win: Uh, is this where I admit that I don't watch high profile dramas on TV anymore? Because with the exception of ubiquitous House, I've never seen an episode of any one of these shows. But I'll say Jon Hamm, because he's the prettiest, and was so funny on 30 Rock.
Who will win: Bryan Cranston won last year, right? The Emmy's like consistency, but then again everyone said Jon Hamm got robbed last year. I'll double up my foolish bets and say Hamm.
Lead Actress (Drama):
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer
Holly Hunter, Saving Grace
Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
Glenn Close, Damages
Who should win: Mariska Hargitay has been chewing scenery for at least 3 seasons, I physically loathe Sedgwick's acting tics on her show, and Sally Field is saddled with some terrible, terrible lines on her show that's gone awry in a serious way. That leaves Holly Hunter (who I love but do not watch her show), Elisabeth Moss (who I do not know), and Glenn Close (who is a cobra and I love). So...Moss? Everyone loves the Mad Men. Why am I doing this if I don't watch TV?
Who I'd like to win: Glenn Close. Watching her in Damages is like riding a roller coaster, where you're not sure if the ride owner is going to stab you in the eye at some point. But in a good way.
Who will win: I think this one is a straight toss up - none of them would surprise me (except maybe Sedgwick, and even then not really). I'll stick with my earlier assertion and say that Moss is going to sneak out a win, since Mad Men has some momentum and there's no one around to split the votes.
Comedy Series:
Entourage
Weeds
How I Met Your Mother
Flight Of The Conchords
30 Rock
The Office
Family Guy
Who should win: It's too bad that 30 Rock is so terribly great right now. Because if you dropped them from the list, I would almost have to tear my hair out to pick a single winner. But yeah, it's too easy.
Who I'd like to win: How I Met Your Mother is getting a make-up nomination - in their second season I would have easily given it to them, but now, not so much. Weeds, as previously described has gotten crazy good. The Office was uneven but is on a roll lately. But Flight of the Conchords owns a little piece of my heart, and how awesome would it be if they won? So awesome.
Who will win: 30 Rock. Unstoppable, I think.
Drama Series:
Big Love
Dexter
House
Damages
Mad Men
Breaking Bad
Lost
Who should win: Hell if I know. This is me throwing up my hands.
Who I'd like to win: Lost! Crazy-ass, confusing-as-hell, I-want-to-blow-up-an-island-so-I-can-make-it-with-the-criminal-chick, Lost. So much fun. Also, Damages would be acceptable, even if it wasn't as good as the first season.
Who will win: Mad Men, right? That's the new hotness, yes? Maybe I should go out on a limb, but I don't think so.
Reality Series:
Top Chef
Project Runway
The Amazing Race
Dancing With The Stars
American Idol
Who should win: Oh, shit, now we get down to it. Project Runway probably had the best season overall, I think. But Amazing Race had some downright amazing episodes, if not the best finale. American Idol was interesting, but it's a trifle compared with the rest. Yeah, I think I have to go with Project Runway.
Who I'd like to win: Project Runway is probably my favorite of the bunch as well. Although I wouldn't mind continuing domination by The Amazing Race. Shit is solid. Also had the cheese rolling down the hill challenge. Man, I'm torn.
Who will win: I would usually say that you don't mess with streaks, but I'm thinking this is the end of the line, what with all the press that Project Runway got switching networks. Project Runway with the upset.
Supporting Actor (Comedy):
Kevin Dillon, Entourage
Jon Cryer, Two And A Half Men
Rainn Wilson, The Office
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock
Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock
Who should win/Who I'd like to win/Who will win: For the love of all things good, holy, and homosexual, please let NPH finally win this award like he should have the last three years running.
Not that I don't love me some Tracy Morgan, but seriously. Just do it.
Supporting Actor (Drama):
William Shatner, Boston Legal
Michael Emerson, Lost
William Hurt, Damages
Christian Clemenson, Boston Legal
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
John Slattery, Mad Men
Who should win: Again, I still don't watch a lot of drama, but of the ones I watch, William Hurt was actually a pretty weak link in Damages, and Michael Emerson was the best part of Lost. So I'll go with him, attaching a huge old caveat to the determination.
Who I'd like to win: Emerson, or Shatner, because really, I can't hate the Shat, even if he's been a dick lately. Remember when he made that awesome album with Ben Folds? God, I love that album.
Who will win: Because it's usually the one I least expect in this category, I'm going with Aaron Paul in Breaking Bad, because I've never heard of him before.
Supporting Actress (Comedy):
Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies
Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds
Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Who should win: Talk about a stacked category - I literally love every single performance nominated here. Chenoweth is probably the best, but was the least seen. Krakowski did the most with the least. Williams is the least appreciated for what she does. Perkins might actually be the best thing in a show full of a lot of great things. It's so hard to decide. I guess Chenoweth is who I'm going with here, based just on merit.
Who I'd like to win: I'm crazy biased again, but Jenna is my favorite character on 30 Rock, and I love Jane Krakowski in a very deep and personal way. "I would have gone, but the boat I was educated on sank." There is no way I'm not rooting for her.
Who will win: Your guess is as good as mine. I'd like to invoke the 30 Rock train again, but I'm not feeling it in the supporting categories. I'm going out on a limb and give it to Vanessa Williams in a crazy, vote-splitting upset.
Supporting Actress (Drama):
Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy
Rose Byrne, Damages
Chandra Wilson, Grey's Anatomy
Dianne Wiest, In Treatment
Hope Davis, In Treatment
Cherry Jones, 24
Who should win: First of all, 24 is still on the air? What? Also, what on earth is In Treatment? This category is eating my soul. I'm just going to say Sandra Oh, because odds are that if she's involved in it, she deserves the award for being the best at it.
Who I'd like to win: I have a spot right here in my heart for Rose Byrne, and while she is regularly steam rolled by the juggernaut that is Glenn Close, she almost holds her own on occasion. I'd love to see her pick this up.
Who will win: I don't know why, but I'm really feeling Dianne Wiest here. She's ostensibly the most famous one on the list, right? And I did love her for those 5 minutes she was on Law & Order.
Other Random Notes:
- What the hell is up with those writing categories? 4 nominees in both comedy and drama from the same show? That's a mess. (And in 30 Rock's case, two of the four are pretty bad episodes)
- How excited am I that Wizards of Waverly Place won Best Kids Program? Very excited. I love that show unashamedly.
- I really hope Phil Keoghan wins Best Reality Show Host. He's my favorite, even though he does those ridiculous fake-out team placement announcements all the time. His eyebrows are the best thing on CBS.
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Somewhere the Truck of Malfunction is Laughing Bitterly
Okay, so my trials with the Truck of Malfunction (TOM) are extensively documented. And while I loved the little guy like a bastard son, I wasn't exactly torn to bits by replacing him with the new hotness that was my Jaguar a couple of years back. Even though I knew that Jaguars were notorious for having excessive mechanical issues, I thought that maybe the 10 years of good-will karma I built up from owning a vehicle that averaged a new broken thing once every 2 weeks for an entire decade would offset brand superstitions.
On the whole, I think I've been pretty fortunate on that front, thus far. I know there was that terrible battery replacement issue and the resulting demonic possession incident. And there was that thing about a year ago when I had to replace the entire water pump system when it started spewing anti-freeze like that kid in The Exorcist. And then there were the two times this year that the car was hit while parked somewhere... Okay, so maybe not fortunate. But compared to the TOM, I was in a good place, mentally.
Then, about 2 months ago, the cruise control in my car stopped working. Every time I hit the start button, the cruise control would light up for 0.5 seconds, and then immediately cancel out. This was an intense blow to my car love, as the cruise control was probably the one thing that most improved my driving lifestyle from the TOM, excepting air conditioning in the summer. But at the same time, I was pretty poor and it's something of an extravagance. So it wasn't like I could justify going to the (crazy expensive) Jag mechanic just to have the luxury of not holding the gas pedal down all the time.
So I adapted, and only complained bitterly for 2 weeks about the strain that was having to constantly utilize my foot to drive.
Fast-forward to last week, when our dear friend from the north, Jim, was down visiting. At one point we decided to go somewhere but took two cars, as some of us were splitting off in different directions afterward. I, being the one who lived in Dallas full-time and ostensibly knew where we were going, did the leading. Upon arrival, the people from the following car asked "Did you know that your brake lights are on? Like, ALL the time?"
And suddenly the broken cruise control made a lot more sense. Since that's how you turn off the CC, by hitting the brakes. If the brakes always think they're on, the cruise control is never going to engage. That was a nice revelation for about 30 seconds, until I realized that I'd been driving for over 2 months with my brake lights on at all times, without ever noticing.
Combining the facts that I am now unemployed (and thus definitely don't have the money on hand to be fixing cars) and that I had gone this long without any serious problems, I decided that fixing the problem was going to be a relatively low priority on my list of Things That Gots To Be Done. Only now every time I got in the car it was all I could think about. I started realizing the huge margin of error that cars around me were always giving me. And every time I approached a red light, I immediately braced for rear impact. Within 5 days, I was reaching for the antacids at the same time that I went for my keys.
I decided that this would not stand, and I vowed to fix the problem myself, or at least I would poke around and see if I could identify where the problem originated. Per my dad, the problem was in the brake pedal sensor, which should be somewhere near the pedal itself, and would probably be in plain view. I was all about that, and right after hanging up the phone I was jazzed to get home and start doing mechanical type things.
I was so excited, in fact, that at the next stoplight, I tried feeling around below the steering wheel to see if I could trace the path of the brake pedal to its natural end. Within 5 seconds of exploring, I found a wire hanging loose down there, which led to a small plastic box just dangling out in space. Carefully feeling all over it, I determined that I had no idea what it was, but it did have a little plunger button on the side.
"Maybe it's a bomb," I thought.
Then I pushed the button.
"Wait, why did I push the button if I thought it was a bomb?" I immediately questioned myself. But it was far too late for recriminations.
The result was not a fiery explosion, only a vague *thump* from somewhere within the bowels of the car. But nothing visible happened. I decided that my not getting exploded was tempting fate enough, and waited until I got home to do any more experimentation.
At home, I wedged myself into the space below the steering wheel and started applying my (naturally giant) brain to the problem at hand - namely, what the hell was that thing and where should it go? Also, did it have anything to do with the brake problem?
The second part was easier to determine - it totally did, as pushing down that little button made the brake lights go off. I had made real progress, and the feeling of mechanical accomplishment was a heady thing indeed.
Next, where did it go? Following the brake line, I found a little hole on the mounting that was very similar in shape to the button casing. I was practically giddy at that point, but still managed to insert the little box without anything catching on fire or getting any part of my body electrocuted. I even figured out how to turn it to lock it in place.
At that point I was ready to anoint myself God of Mechanical Repairs. But then when I tested out the brakes, they always still stayed on. Unless I physically lifted the pedal myself from its normal resting place to engage the little button. No manner of changes I made could get it working. I was devastated enough that I wanted to cry.
But I was God of Mechanical Repairs, dammit! I would overcome.
So I went into the house for supplies. I returned shortly, holding two things: a nickle, and a roll of Scotch tape. By attaching a nickle to the brake pedal arm right where the button was supposed to touch, the circuit was made without having to even use a screwdriver.
All following tests were complete successes.
So maybe I'm just the Low-Rent God of Mechanical Repairs using Non-Traditional Household Items.
I can live with that, as long as I have my cruise control back.
God bless the nickel. Best use of five cents ever.
On the whole, I think I've been pretty fortunate on that front, thus far. I know there was that terrible battery replacement issue and the resulting demonic possession incident. And there was that thing about a year ago when I had to replace the entire water pump system when it started spewing anti-freeze like that kid in The Exorcist. And then there were the two times this year that the car was hit while parked somewhere... Okay, so maybe not fortunate. But compared to the TOM, I was in a good place, mentally.
Then, about 2 months ago, the cruise control in my car stopped working. Every time I hit the start button, the cruise control would light up for 0.5 seconds, and then immediately cancel out. This was an intense blow to my car love, as the cruise control was probably the one thing that most improved my driving lifestyle from the TOM, excepting air conditioning in the summer. But at the same time, I was pretty poor and it's something of an extravagance. So it wasn't like I could justify going to the (crazy expensive) Jag mechanic just to have the luxury of not holding the gas pedal down all the time.
So I adapted, and only complained bitterly for 2 weeks about the strain that was having to constantly utilize my foot to drive.
Fast-forward to last week, when our dear friend from the north, Jim, was down visiting. At one point we decided to go somewhere but took two cars, as some of us were splitting off in different directions afterward. I, being the one who lived in Dallas full-time and ostensibly knew where we were going, did the leading. Upon arrival, the people from the following car asked "Did you know that your brake lights are on? Like, ALL the time?"
And suddenly the broken cruise control made a lot more sense. Since that's how you turn off the CC, by hitting the brakes. If the brakes always think they're on, the cruise control is never going to engage. That was a nice revelation for about 30 seconds, until I realized that I'd been driving for over 2 months with my brake lights on at all times, without ever noticing.
Combining the facts that I am now unemployed (and thus definitely don't have the money on hand to be fixing cars) and that I had gone this long without any serious problems, I decided that fixing the problem was going to be a relatively low priority on my list of Things That Gots To Be Done. Only now every time I got in the car it was all I could think about. I started realizing the huge margin of error that cars around me were always giving me. And every time I approached a red light, I immediately braced for rear impact. Within 5 days, I was reaching for the antacids at the same time that I went for my keys.
I decided that this would not stand, and I vowed to fix the problem myself, or at least I would poke around and see if I could identify where the problem originated. Per my dad, the problem was in the brake pedal sensor, which should be somewhere near the pedal itself, and would probably be in plain view. I was all about that, and right after hanging up the phone I was jazzed to get home and start doing mechanical type things.
I was so excited, in fact, that at the next stoplight, I tried feeling around below the steering wheel to see if I could trace the path of the brake pedal to its natural end. Within 5 seconds of exploring, I found a wire hanging loose down there, which led to a small plastic box just dangling out in space. Carefully feeling all over it, I determined that I had no idea what it was, but it did have a little plunger button on the side.
"Maybe it's a bomb," I thought.
Then I pushed the button.
"Wait, why did I push the button if I thought it was a bomb?" I immediately questioned myself. But it was far too late for recriminations.
The result was not a fiery explosion, only a vague *thump* from somewhere within the bowels of the car. But nothing visible happened. I decided that my not getting exploded was tempting fate enough, and waited until I got home to do any more experimentation.
At home, I wedged myself into the space below the steering wheel and started applying my (naturally giant) brain to the problem at hand - namely, what the hell was that thing and where should it go? Also, did it have anything to do with the brake problem?
The second part was easier to determine - it totally did, as pushing down that little button made the brake lights go off. I had made real progress, and the feeling of mechanical accomplishment was a heady thing indeed.
Next, where did it go? Following the brake line, I found a little hole on the mounting that was very similar in shape to the button casing. I was practically giddy at that point, but still managed to insert the little box without anything catching on fire or getting any part of my body electrocuted. I even figured out how to turn it to lock it in place.
At that point I was ready to anoint myself God of Mechanical Repairs. But then when I tested out the brakes, they always still stayed on. Unless I physically lifted the pedal myself from its normal resting place to engage the little button. No manner of changes I made could get it working. I was devastated enough that I wanted to cry.
But I was God of Mechanical Repairs, dammit! I would overcome.
So I went into the house for supplies. I returned shortly, holding two things: a nickle, and a roll of Scotch tape. By attaching a nickle to the brake pedal arm right where the button was supposed to touch, the circuit was made without having to even use a screwdriver.
All following tests were complete successes.
So maybe I'm just the Low-Rent God of Mechanical Repairs using Non-Traditional Household Items.
I can live with that, as long as I have my cruise control back.
God bless the nickel. Best use of five cents ever.
Monday, August 31, 2009
A Reboot of Sorts
So I lost my job.
It's sort of funny (in a completely unfunny way) how utterly floored I was by the announcement. Because really I'd been expecting it on and off for at least the last 12 months. One would have to live under a rock to not at least consider it, and the rock would have to not get CNN or Fox News either, which just isn't going to happen. Everyone knows that the mortgage market is a mess. Up and down, back and forth, a million times a month. The first half of the year was great, like a boomtown really. I felt like I should be out on a river panning for gold, the number of files I was working and the job offers I was getting. But the changes kept coming, the rates kept swaying wildly, and the property values kept dropping. Plus, every month I would do the accounting for the office and see the huge drain on the profit margin that was my salary. I could see the river running low, nothing but rocks and pyrite, and the tumbleweeds blowing through the empty streets.
What my terrible metaphor is trying to say is that it shouldn't have been a shock.
But the hammer never fell, and I started taking a hard look at all the responsibilities I'd been steadily assuming in the office and I began to sincerely believe that things weren't as dire as I was thinking. Maybe this was the trade-off my boss was willing to make - a smaller profit for the reduced workload. By the time we hit July, I was straight up confident that I was actually secure in my job. I mean, at that point with the amount of work that I did there was no way I was dispensable (short of closing the office up entirely).
Now I read that last little parenthetical and absolutely cringe. How exactly did I get that myopic? There's missing the forest for the trees, and then there's taking a nap in your house while it's on fire because you're confident that you're the only one who knows where the fire extinguisher is.
Plus, my boss would have said something, right? RIGHT?
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A few fun facts on the closing of my office (I'm not bitter):
The job search has begun in earnest. Luckily, even though it hit me like a sucker punch, I still had a good chunk of the money I'd be obsessively hoarding over the year in case something like this happened, so it's not like I'm out on the street. And guess what? Totally qualify for unemployment. Which does not mean I get government cheese like I though it did, and to which I was totally looking forward to. But I might get some money at some point. Woo, government.
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The point of this whole story: I've got some time on my hands, since I can only manage a maximum of 5 hours of job hunting and resume sending per day before my brain tries to forcibly escape my skull. So I'm going to try to re-open the blog.
We'll see.
It's sort of funny (in a completely unfunny way) how utterly floored I was by the announcement. Because really I'd been expecting it on and off for at least the last 12 months. One would have to live under a rock to not at least consider it, and the rock would have to not get CNN or Fox News either, which just isn't going to happen. Everyone knows that the mortgage market is a mess. Up and down, back and forth, a million times a month. The first half of the year was great, like a boomtown really. I felt like I should be out on a river panning for gold, the number of files I was working and the job offers I was getting. But the changes kept coming, the rates kept swaying wildly, and the property values kept dropping. Plus, every month I would do the accounting for the office and see the huge drain on the profit margin that was my salary. I could see the river running low, nothing but rocks and pyrite, and the tumbleweeds blowing through the empty streets.
What my terrible metaphor is trying to say is that it shouldn't have been a shock.
But the hammer never fell, and I started taking a hard look at all the responsibilities I'd been steadily assuming in the office and I began to sincerely believe that things weren't as dire as I was thinking. Maybe this was the trade-off my boss was willing to make - a smaller profit for the reduced workload. By the time we hit July, I was straight up confident that I was actually secure in my job. I mean, at that point with the amount of work that I did there was no way I was dispensable (short of closing the office up entirely).
Now I read that last little parenthetical and absolutely cringe. How exactly did I get that myopic? There's missing the forest for the trees, and then there's taking a nap in your house while it's on fire because you're confident that you're the only one who knows where the fire extinguisher is.
Plus, my boss would have said something, right? RIGHT?
----------------------
A few fun facts on the closing of my office (I'm not bitter):
- Effective time/date of closing: The end of business on Monday
- The time/date I was notified of this fact: Monday at 4:53pm
- The resulting effective amount of notice I was given: 37 minutes
- Amount of severance I was going to get: $0 (zero dollars
- Amount of time I had worked there: 5 years, 2 months
- Total number of vacation days I had taken in all 5 years and 2 months: 7
- Number of jobs I had passed up in just the last 8 months: 6
(Definitely not bitter. But just for fun, let's keep going) - Most heartening thing I was told by my boss during the announcement: "I'm sure you'll be eligible for Unemployment. I mean, I used to hate the idea of the government giving people money for not doing anything, but I think you need to do what you need to do."
- Number of phone calls I received the following day from my boss with questions on how to work things in the office: 11
- Number of those phone calls where the answer to the question was "Did you turn the computer on?": 1
- The thing that pushed me closer to a psychotic break than I ever thought possible: "Oh, no. How do you turn on the computer?"
- (TOTALLY NOT BITTER)
The job search has begun in earnest. Luckily, even though it hit me like a sucker punch, I still had a good chunk of the money I'd be obsessively hoarding over the year in case something like this happened, so it's not like I'm out on the street. And guess what? Totally qualify for unemployment. Which does not mean I get government cheese like I though it did, and to which I was totally looking forward to. But I might get some money at some point. Woo, government.
------------------------
The point of this whole story: I've got some time on my hands, since I can only manage a maximum of 5 hours of job hunting and resume sending per day before my brain tries to forcibly escape my skull. So I'm going to try to re-open the blog.
We'll see.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Harry Potter And The Teenage Angst Monster
(Long and SPOILER filled, for both the 6th movie and the 7th book so watch the heck out)
It's a tricky thing, adapting a book into a movie. Particularly one that's been read, analyzed, dissected, fought over, and devoured millions of times over. You keep it too tightly to the book and it would no doubt be long and dry. Go too far off base and you hear the unending outcry of an angry horde of rabid fans from across the globe. It's basically a no-win situation, if you discount the huge piles of money that you're being paid.
I think that overall, though, I'm in the camp that likes it when things are switched up. My favorite of the Harry Potter movies is Alfonso Cuarón's take on Prisoner of Azkaban, and I think it's mostly because the movie doesn't try to copy over the book word for word (like it seemed the first two tried to) and it didn't just try to get all the set pieces of the story in (like the 4th seemed to). There was a story that was told, and even though the denouement exposition scene was probably too much, it felt like a standalone decent film.
David Yates is obviously taking a long-term approach with parts 5 through 7A & 7B that doesn't really fit any classification. He's taking a sort of half-and-half approach to adaptation that you can only try when you know you're going to have the continuity of the films in place. Because just like 5, 6 really doesn't stand on it's own as a great film. Don't get me wrong, it's almost endlessly entertaining. For a movie that runs over two and half hours, keeping my attention that high and engrossed throughout is a great triumph. But he's obviously taking the long view on the series as a whole, and is okay with making the 6th installment fun, but ultimately incomplete. And if the currently leaked plans for the first movie of the seventh book are accurate, this will continue to the end.
This isn't necessarily a bad thing (cohesion rarely is), but it's not what I would have done. We'll get into that later, but let's for now have a small discussion on how much I enjoyed this one.
My primary joy in this movie was the strength of acting, which is the highest it's been in an HP movie thus far. Particularly Emma Watson and Tom Felton, who brought up the level of their games significantly from Part 5. I could spend a few hours gushing over Watson, but mostly because I was terrified that after that Order of the Phoenix disaster, that she would drag this movie straight down, as Hermione has such an arc to get through in Half Blood Prince. But she pulls it off with room to spare. Felton adds some umph to Draco's story, and the decision to reveal a lot more about the vanishing cabinet directly was a very smart decision.
Plus, Michael Gambon as Dumbledore finally puts it all together for this movie, and just in time as he could have easily been the make or break piece of the puzzle. (This was sidestepped by the directing decisions, but we'll get to that). I wasn't on board with his acting style for part 4 at all, but by 5 I could come around to it, and in 6 he has real pathos - he obviously cares for Harry, and is doing a delicate balancing act that is nicely highlighted in some of the more subtle bits of his acting.
I also greatly enjoyed the little liberties that were taken with the book - I loved getting rid of the tedium of the Dursleys and instead getting the off-beat diner scene instead. That's the exact kind of thing I'm looking for in a movie adaptation - reverence to the spirit of the book, but not slavish devotion to the recreation of the text. I was less pleased with the added attack on the Weasleys' house, but that's more the plot nerd coming out in me than an actual complaint. The scene itself is incredibly well-done, it just raises so many canon questions that my brain starts flailing internally.
And just like for the last movie, lets stop and take a paragraph to revel in the glory that is Luna Lovegood. It's such a perfect bit of casting, and she's played so delightfully, I want an entire movie just about her and Harry having little adventures together. I loved the way she was integrated into the movie even better than in the book - her finding Harry on the train was economical and well thought-out, and she gets some great lines floating in and out of her various scenes. I can't say enough good things.
My last bit of gushing comes for the Horcrux reveal scene - which seems crazy, as it's something that I kind of hated in the book. Textually, when Harry gets the Slughorn memory, all it does is confirm Dumbledore's expectation of what is going on (basically the sum reveal is that he's expecting 7 horcruxes). This is similar to the movie, but Gambon is able to ham it up a little, and give it some gravitas. And then the bit that I didn't expect - the really nice foreshadowing for Book 7 - Dumbledore's explanation of how the dark magic leaves its traces, only to have Harry himself get hit with a bolt Voldemort when he touches the ring. Because he's got the dark traces inside himself, right? Since he's a horcrux too. And while they're a little overdone, I love the ambiguity of Dumbledore's lines that follow, about how he can't destroy the horcrux himself, and again he's going to have to ask too much of Harry. Because he doesn't really say which horcrux he's talking about, does he? Whatever, maybe I'm reading too much into it, but let me have my delusions, I think it's amazingly well done.
-------------------------
But back to the idea of adaptation. I understand what the director is doing here - he's going for the larger picture. The fifth movie sets the adult portion of the Harry Potter arc in motion - introduces the main characters and themes, but doesn't resolve much of anything. The sixth movie carries that through, raising the stakes by staying so close to the character-study side of things, rather than getting bogged into the deepening past plot. The opposite sides weighing in - the normal teenage life beset on all sides by the darkness - it makes sense when you're building to the overall conflict that will be Harry, Ron, and Hermione cutting ties to complete their mission in the next movie, and then the eventual grand conclusion where everything comes back together in the final one.
So taking this into account, I can see why the cuts were made where they were, and why the additions were necessary. It's a four movie payoff, nothing too immediate. See: Mrs. Weasley's long tear-stained reaction shot to Bellatrix burning down The Burrow. Can't even imagine what that might be leading up to a few movies down the road, no?
Or the cutting of all the other Voldemort memories: While it's all great backstory, it ultimately has little to do with the matters at hand in the story they're telling. How they'll nail down the horcruxes in the next parts is irrelevant to the set up the Half-Blood Prince is setting up. And for that matter, keeping the fight for Hogwarts at the end of HBP would introduce and remove the threat too quickly and too hollowly for the theme to continue (unless they re-added Bill and Fleur, which would be just too much.)
The only part I don't necessarily understand is the removal of the funeral, and the astronomy tower discussion put in its place. The new scene fits the theme well, but then so would the funeral. And had they carried the funeral to the expected conclusion, having Harry do his little homage to Spider-Man and dumping Ginny at the end would complete the natural arc of story nicely, and provides the ramp into the next movie. Instead we get a sort of soft fade out on the reflections of how the kids have grown up.
These are all things I can rail against, but don't see the need. It's a great entry into the series, and as a whole I think they'll acquit themselves nicely, particularly when viewed in the series as a whole.
It's a tricky thing, adapting a book into a movie. Particularly one that's been read, analyzed, dissected, fought over, and devoured millions of times over. You keep it too tightly to the book and it would no doubt be long and dry. Go too far off base and you hear the unending outcry of an angry horde of rabid fans from across the globe. It's basically a no-win situation, if you discount the huge piles of money that you're being paid.
I think that overall, though, I'm in the camp that likes it when things are switched up. My favorite of the Harry Potter movies is Alfonso Cuarón's take on Prisoner of Azkaban, and I think it's mostly because the movie doesn't try to copy over the book word for word (like it seemed the first two tried to) and it didn't just try to get all the set pieces of the story in (like the 4th seemed to). There was a story that was told, and even though the denouement exposition scene was probably too much, it felt like a standalone decent film.
David Yates is obviously taking a long-term approach with parts 5 through 7A & 7B that doesn't really fit any classification. He's taking a sort of half-and-half approach to adaptation that you can only try when you know you're going to have the continuity of the films in place. Because just like 5, 6 really doesn't stand on it's own as a great film. Don't get me wrong, it's almost endlessly entertaining. For a movie that runs over two and half hours, keeping my attention that high and engrossed throughout is a great triumph. But he's obviously taking the long view on the series as a whole, and is okay with making the 6th installment fun, but ultimately incomplete. And if the currently leaked plans for the first movie of the seventh book are accurate, this will continue to the end.
This isn't necessarily a bad thing (cohesion rarely is), but it's not what I would have done. We'll get into that later, but let's for now have a small discussion on how much I enjoyed this one.
My primary joy in this movie was the strength of acting, which is the highest it's been in an HP movie thus far. Particularly Emma Watson and Tom Felton, who brought up the level of their games significantly from Part 5. I could spend a few hours gushing over Watson, but mostly because I was terrified that after that Order of the Phoenix disaster, that she would drag this movie straight down, as Hermione has such an arc to get through in Half Blood Prince. But she pulls it off with room to spare. Felton adds some umph to Draco's story, and the decision to reveal a lot more about the vanishing cabinet directly was a very smart decision.
Plus, Michael Gambon as Dumbledore finally puts it all together for this movie, and just in time as he could have easily been the make or break piece of the puzzle. (This was sidestepped by the directing decisions, but we'll get to that). I wasn't on board with his acting style for part 4 at all, but by 5 I could come around to it, and in 6 he has real pathos - he obviously cares for Harry, and is doing a delicate balancing act that is nicely highlighted in some of the more subtle bits of his acting.
I also greatly enjoyed the little liberties that were taken with the book - I loved getting rid of the tedium of the Dursleys and instead getting the off-beat diner scene instead. That's the exact kind of thing I'm looking for in a movie adaptation - reverence to the spirit of the book, but not slavish devotion to the recreation of the text. I was less pleased with the added attack on the Weasleys' house, but that's more the plot nerd coming out in me than an actual complaint. The scene itself is incredibly well-done, it just raises so many canon questions that my brain starts flailing internally.
And just like for the last movie, lets stop and take a paragraph to revel in the glory that is Luna Lovegood. It's such a perfect bit of casting, and she's played so delightfully, I want an entire movie just about her and Harry having little adventures together. I loved the way she was integrated into the movie even better than in the book - her finding Harry on the train was economical and well thought-out, and she gets some great lines floating in and out of her various scenes. I can't say enough good things.
My last bit of gushing comes for the Horcrux reveal scene - which seems crazy, as it's something that I kind of hated in the book. Textually, when Harry gets the Slughorn memory, all it does is confirm Dumbledore's expectation of what is going on (basically the sum reveal is that he's expecting 7 horcruxes). This is similar to the movie, but Gambon is able to ham it up a little, and give it some gravitas. And then the bit that I didn't expect - the really nice foreshadowing for Book 7 - Dumbledore's explanation of how the dark magic leaves its traces, only to have Harry himself get hit with a bolt Voldemort when he touches the ring. Because he's got the dark traces inside himself, right? Since he's a horcrux too. And while they're a little overdone, I love the ambiguity of Dumbledore's lines that follow, about how he can't destroy the horcrux himself, and again he's going to have to ask too much of Harry. Because he doesn't really say which horcrux he's talking about, does he? Whatever, maybe I'm reading too much into it, but let me have my delusions, I think it's amazingly well done.
-------------------------
But back to the idea of adaptation. I understand what the director is doing here - he's going for the larger picture. The fifth movie sets the adult portion of the Harry Potter arc in motion - introduces the main characters and themes, but doesn't resolve much of anything. The sixth movie carries that through, raising the stakes by staying so close to the character-study side of things, rather than getting bogged into the deepening past plot. The opposite sides weighing in - the normal teenage life beset on all sides by the darkness - it makes sense when you're building to the overall conflict that will be Harry, Ron, and Hermione cutting ties to complete their mission in the next movie, and then the eventual grand conclusion where everything comes back together in the final one.
So taking this into account, I can see why the cuts were made where they were, and why the additions were necessary. It's a four movie payoff, nothing too immediate. See: Mrs. Weasley's long tear-stained reaction shot to Bellatrix burning down The Burrow. Can't even imagine what that might be leading up to a few movies down the road, no?
Or the cutting of all the other Voldemort memories: While it's all great backstory, it ultimately has little to do with the matters at hand in the story they're telling. How they'll nail down the horcruxes in the next parts is irrelevant to the set up the Half-Blood Prince is setting up. And for that matter, keeping the fight for Hogwarts at the end of HBP would introduce and remove the threat too quickly and too hollowly for the theme to continue (unless they re-added Bill and Fleur, which would be just too much.)
The only part I don't necessarily understand is the removal of the funeral, and the astronomy tower discussion put in its place. The new scene fits the theme well, but then so would the funeral. And had they carried the funeral to the expected conclusion, having Harry do his little homage to Spider-Man and dumping Ginny at the end would complete the natural arc of story nicely, and provides the ramp into the next movie. Instead we get a sort of soft fade out on the reflections of how the kids have grown up.
These are all things I can rail against, but don't see the need. It's a great entry into the series, and as a whole I think they'll acquit themselves nicely, particularly when viewed in the series as a whole.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board
So I finally broke down over the weekend and cleaned out my closet.
This does not sound like the start of a good story, but trust me, it gets better. (For ethical reasons, I feel obliged to inform you that it does not, in fact, get better.)
See, I'd been putting this off for roughly 8 months. Any time something broke (like a dining room chair, a computer monitor, or a plastic bobblehead dog) rather than repair it or throw it away, I would just store it in the closet for later. Then when I got my new king-size bed, I decided to retain the old full sized mattress and box spring for tactical purposes (also I am lazy and didn't want to have to carry it farther than 5 feet anywhere) so it went in there as well. AND THEN when I got my new TV, I didn't want to carry the giant box that it came in out to the dumpster (which would almost literally be like carrying a sign that says "Please Rob Me" around my not-so-nice neighborhood), so into the closet it went.
Considering the pre-existing boxes of clothes, bedding, Christmas trees, unopened blenders, books that are either ugly or don't fit into my shelves, garbage bags full of stuffed animal beavers that I have stashed away in the hopes that people forget about that period of my life, etc. that already littered the place, we sort of hit a critical mass in there about 4 months ago. And yet I did nothing.
"But Jason," you say. "A closet is for keeping clothes. How do you live life with no access to your wardrobe?"
To that, I say "Bah!"
I can adapt to anything. While yes, technically there was roughly 10 feet of hanging space in the closet that I could not access, I could still reach the 18 inches directly in front of the closet door. Which is just enough space to cram every dress shirt and pair of slacks I own, as long as I pushed really hard. And while I could no longer reach the shelves where my folded clothes should go, I was able to clear off two tiny spaces on the wire rack that stood directly beside the closet door, on which I was able to precariously stack every other piece of laundry I owned. So not only did I work it out, I never technically had to enter the closet after that point, to defend against the off chance that it might consume me entirely.
This setup lasted until this weekend when I had to retrieve a blanket for a house guest and nearly lost my life when I got stuck between the box spring, my space heater, and a lamp, and almost had to call the fire department to come in to rescue me with the jaws of life.
Thus, on Sunday I steeled myself and started yanking things out. You know at the circus, when the clowns come out of the tiny car? Imagine instead that the tiny car is actually a giant SUV, and yet still a proportionate number of clowns come out of it. Like, instead of 10 clowns out of a VW, imagine a million clowns coming out of a Hummer. (Lets all stop and wonder in horror at the idea of a million clowns. Move on when you stop shuddering.)
This imagination adventure was necessary because my closet is only moderately sized, and yet I managed to pull enough stuff out of there to fill my entire bedroom, my bathroom, and part of the hallway. It defied the laws of space, time, and physics. I found things in there I'm pretty sure I hadn't seen since I left the metaphorical closet back in 2001 - up to and including my high school graduation cap, a broken saxophone, a computer from 1994, and what I can only assume was once a mattress pad, before the ravages of time turned it into a synthetic pile of foamy dust.
Once suitably cleared out, I set about empirically deciding which items could effectively be thrown out without one day possibly missing them. Which by my insane qualifications meant tossing 2 things: the (assumed) mattress pad lump and the box that the giant TV came in. Because you never do know when you're going to need a desktop computer from 1994, or a stack of outdated video cards from 1999-2003.
I realize that I may have some packratting issues.
But in any case, I attempt then to carry said giant TV box from my bedroom to the dumpster across the apartment complex. You would think this would not be a difficult thing, but only if you haven't met me. The box is open on either end, but is both too wide to carry lengthwise and too long to stand on its end and still be carryable. Since I am by myself, I compromise and just half-carry it by holding one of the short ends and prop the rest against my body at an angle upwards. Sort of like I'm about to do a pole vault, only instead of a pole I've got a long and wide empty cardboard box. Since I'm fighting both gravity and my own weakness, I have to book it pretty quickly across the parking lot, lest the whole thing crash down to earth and I end up in a sobbing heap on the (really, really hot) asphalt.
I still maintain that this plan was solid, and totally would have worked, had it not been windy that afternoon. But alas. Halfway across the parking lot, a huge gust of wind picks up and hits the box broadside. I am bodily picked up by the force of it and spun 90 degrees, so that instead of half running towards a dumpster, I am now half running directly at several parked cars.
I attempt to course correct for this by shifting my left arm and part of my body to the backside of the box and pushing with all my might. I am half successful in this attempt, insofar as I regain my original heading without killing myself or falling over my own feet. This success lasts approximately 2 seconds before the second gust of wind hits. This time I am already braced against the backside of the box, so you'd think that would be enough to compensate.
But I did not factor in the part where I am weaker than the plot of Transformers 2. The wind overpowers my counteractive push to the point where I am literally forced backwards 5 feet and am bodily slammed into the back of a parked car. Who's alarm of course immediately starts going off, seemingly loud enough to cause permanent ear damage and alerting every single person within a 1 mile radius to come out and witness my humiliation.
This is how I meet my new neighbors now, apparently. Wedged up against their car, beaten into submission by a cardboard box that weighs approximately 10 pounds. And of course by the time they come around, there is no wind at all to speak of, so the neighbor's wife is able to easily pick up the box without aid.
-----------------------
So what lesson did we learn?
Never throw anything out.
OR
Just stop going out in public at all.
Both are good.
This does not sound like the start of a good story, but trust me, it gets better. (For ethical reasons, I feel obliged to inform you that it does not, in fact, get better.)
See, I'd been putting this off for roughly 8 months. Any time something broke (like a dining room chair, a computer monitor, or a plastic bobblehead dog) rather than repair it or throw it away, I would just store it in the closet for later. Then when I got my new king-size bed, I decided to retain the old full sized mattress and box spring for tactical purposes (also I am lazy and didn't want to have to carry it farther than 5 feet anywhere) so it went in there as well. AND THEN when I got my new TV, I didn't want to carry the giant box that it came in out to the dumpster (which would almost literally be like carrying a sign that says "Please Rob Me" around my not-so-nice neighborhood), so into the closet it went.
Considering the pre-existing boxes of clothes, bedding, Christmas trees, unopened blenders, books that are either ugly or don't fit into my shelves, garbage bags full of stuffed animal beavers that I have stashed away in the hopes that people forget about that period of my life, etc. that already littered the place, we sort of hit a critical mass in there about 4 months ago. And yet I did nothing.
"But Jason," you say. "A closet is for keeping clothes. How do you live life with no access to your wardrobe?"
To that, I say "Bah!"
I can adapt to anything. While yes, technically there was roughly 10 feet of hanging space in the closet that I could not access, I could still reach the 18 inches directly in front of the closet door. Which is just enough space to cram every dress shirt and pair of slacks I own, as long as I pushed really hard. And while I could no longer reach the shelves where my folded clothes should go, I was able to clear off two tiny spaces on the wire rack that stood directly beside the closet door, on which I was able to precariously stack every other piece of laundry I owned. So not only did I work it out, I never technically had to enter the closet after that point, to defend against the off chance that it might consume me entirely.
This setup lasted until this weekend when I had to retrieve a blanket for a house guest and nearly lost my life when I got stuck between the box spring, my space heater, and a lamp, and almost had to call the fire department to come in to rescue me with the jaws of life.
Thus, on Sunday I steeled myself and started yanking things out. You know at the circus, when the clowns come out of the tiny car? Imagine instead that the tiny car is actually a giant SUV, and yet still a proportionate number of clowns come out of it. Like, instead of 10 clowns out of a VW, imagine a million clowns coming out of a Hummer. (Lets all stop and wonder in horror at the idea of a million clowns. Move on when you stop shuddering.)
This imagination adventure was necessary because my closet is only moderately sized, and yet I managed to pull enough stuff out of there to fill my entire bedroom, my bathroom, and part of the hallway. It defied the laws of space, time, and physics. I found things in there I'm pretty sure I hadn't seen since I left the metaphorical closet back in 2001 - up to and including my high school graduation cap, a broken saxophone, a computer from 1994, and what I can only assume was once a mattress pad, before the ravages of time turned it into a synthetic pile of foamy dust.
Once suitably cleared out, I set about empirically deciding which items could effectively be thrown out without one day possibly missing them. Which by my insane qualifications meant tossing 2 things: the (assumed) mattress pad lump and the box that the giant TV came in. Because you never do know when you're going to need a desktop computer from 1994, or a stack of outdated video cards from 1999-2003.
I realize that I may have some packratting issues.
But in any case, I attempt then to carry said giant TV box from my bedroom to the dumpster across the apartment complex. You would think this would not be a difficult thing, but only if you haven't met me. The box is open on either end, but is both too wide to carry lengthwise and too long to stand on its end and still be carryable. Since I am by myself, I compromise and just half-carry it by holding one of the short ends and prop the rest against my body at an angle upwards. Sort of like I'm about to do a pole vault, only instead of a pole I've got a long and wide empty cardboard box. Since I'm fighting both gravity and my own weakness, I have to book it pretty quickly across the parking lot, lest the whole thing crash down to earth and I end up in a sobbing heap on the (really, really hot) asphalt.
I still maintain that this plan was solid, and totally would have worked, had it not been windy that afternoon. But alas. Halfway across the parking lot, a huge gust of wind picks up and hits the box broadside. I am bodily picked up by the force of it and spun 90 degrees, so that instead of half running towards a dumpster, I am now half running directly at several parked cars.
I attempt to course correct for this by shifting my left arm and part of my body to the backside of the box and pushing with all my might. I am half successful in this attempt, insofar as I regain my original heading without killing myself or falling over my own feet. This success lasts approximately 2 seconds before the second gust of wind hits. This time I am already braced against the backside of the box, so you'd think that would be enough to compensate.
But I did not factor in the part where I am weaker than the plot of Transformers 2. The wind overpowers my counteractive push to the point where I am literally forced backwards 5 feet and am bodily slammed into the back of a parked car. Who's alarm of course immediately starts going off, seemingly loud enough to cause permanent ear damage and alerting every single person within a 1 mile radius to come out and witness my humiliation.
This is how I meet my new neighbors now, apparently. Wedged up against their car, beaten into submission by a cardboard box that weighs approximately 10 pounds. And of course by the time they come around, there is no wind at all to speak of, so the neighbor's wife is able to easily pick up the box without aid.
-----------------------
So what lesson did we learn?
Never throw anything out.
OR
Just stop going out in public at all.
Both are good.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Music Review Monday - Spektor, Jonas, et al
Been in a music buying frenzy lately, and thought I'd do a public service announcement on what to buy and what to ignore. Because I definitely know what I'm talking about when it comes to music. (Please note: I have no idea what I'm talking about, but I do like to type a lot.)
------------
Far, Regina Spektor - I cannot give an unbiased review of this album. It includes the songs "One More Time With Feeling" (my old favorite Regina song) and "Dance Anthem of the 80's" (the song that I heard live back in '06 which started my terrifying fan obsession), so I have no objectivity.
That said, even attempting to pretend impartiality, I think it's a very, very good album. It opens brilliantly with the catchy songs "The Calculation" and "Eet" (which I think are the two standout songs on the record). It get you hooked before you know it and the album slides on with a nice pace, alternating the slower, deeper songs with the more upbeat ones, making a nice layering effect to the thematic idea of the album. The only thing I find out of place is "The Wallet," which is a great song and one of my favorite things she sings live, but it feels jarringly trifling at the end of such a strong album.
As with Begin to Hope, I think the same unfair criticism will be leveled at Far - it's more commercially viable (read: mainstream), more produced, resulting in less original flavor Regina. I agree with the viability and the production, but if anything, this album has more personality Begin to Hope and a couple of the songs rival what we saw on Soviet Kitch. Undoubtedly there are more mainstream things here: "Laughing With" is generic enough for radio play, I sincerely believe "Eet" will end up as the "Better" of this album, and "The Calculation" and "Dance Anthem" both scream commercial to me.
But right at the same time you've got "Folding Chair," which is the quintessential Regina quirk song (there are dolphin noises involved), and "Blue Lips", which is insanely lyrically dense. Basically, I can never figure out what people are on about, but I assume it's cool hate on the popular and say you knew them when, and it was so much better, and lalala. Whatever, it's good stuff.
(Note: As much as I prefer buying music from Amazon over iTunes, get it off iTunes if possible, since the bonus tracks are amazing. While it's short, "Riot Gear" is my favorite song on the whole album.)
------------------
Lines, Vines, and Trying Times, The Jonas Brothers - I don't even know what to say to this album. It's so varied - the theme is obviously the Trying Times part of the title - but musically it's all over the map; you've got country, rock, pop, even a little rap. Despite many of the songs not being my cup of musical tea ("What Did I Do To Your Heart" sounds like a 90's Shania Twain reject, and "Don't Charge Me For The Crime" is gangsta-rap-ultra-lite) I think it's a good album, but it's nothing that you need to go out of your way to hear.
I was shocked how much I liked their last album - it was slickly produced and unbelievably catchy without being too Disney Teen Bop, or only a little bit so (plus some of the songs were just plain good). This album continues that theme in some ways for the better - this is a more mature sounding and better produced album in almost every regard, and it actually has some real-world playable music on it (as long as you never reveal that to anyone that it is the Jonas Brothers who are singing).
Some of it is a little juvenile, though: after listening to "Fly With Me", I sincerely wonder if they've forgotten that Peter Pan sort of doesn't have a happy ending (which seemingly negates the message of the song). And while I enjoy a good Taylor Swift smackdown as much as the next person, I really could have done without the eternally lame "Much Better" ("I'm done with superstars/and all the tears on her guitar, I'm not bitter") Uh, yeah, good luck with that.
On the whole, it's around 6.5 out of 10. Maybe more, depending on how long this "Paranoid" single remains lodged in my brain (seriously, it's really good).
--------------------
Ray Guns Are Not Just The Future, The Bird and The Bee - Such a nice album. I've become sort of an electro-pop glutton lately (Bitter:Sweet, Animal Collective, Lykke Li, Imogen Heap...) so I like to think that I'm starting to be able to tell the difference between something that's just catchy and something that's genuinely good, as electronica goes. This is a really great mixture of the two - standout catchy tunes like "My Love" and "Polite Dance Party," and then some songs that some measure of real interest hiding in them like "Meteor" and "Love Letter to Japan."
Not world-breaking, but a delight nonetheless.
------------------
Beautiful Lie, Ed Harcourt - Get your music snob on. UK release from 2006 that got a US distribution in 2008 to little recognition. This album and Matt Alber's Hide Nothing are my go-to joys for obscure but amazing male singer/songwriters this year. To steal a line, this album is hauntingly beautiful. Goes a little too far on a couple of tracks, particularly "You Only Call Me When You're Drunk" which starts brilliant but then keeps spiraling upwards to a messy and terrible crash, but mostly it's a stunning achievement and kind of makes my heart hurt at times.
------------------
Transmitter Failure, Jenny Owen Youngs -Another one of those biased reviews. Her last album, Batten the Hatches, is my favorite thing that came out of 2007 and I have an irrational love for the way she writes her songs. There's a cynical but reasoned edge to almost every song on that album that really speaks to me.
The new album is a little more driving and a little happier, but the edge is still definitely in place. Her uptempo stuff is just brilliant, with "Last Person" and "Clean Break" as my standout favorites. I'm less in love with a couple of the fragile songs ("Here is a Heart" is a little too cloying and "Nighty Night," while catchy, is off-putting to me), but that's just because I compare them to things like "Woodcut" or "Voice on Tape" from the last album and see missed potential. Make no mistake, it's a wonderful album, maybe my favorite of the whole year so far.
------------
Far, Regina Spektor - I cannot give an unbiased review of this album. It includes the songs "One More Time With Feeling" (my old favorite Regina song) and "Dance Anthem of the 80's" (the song that I heard live back in '06 which started my terrifying fan obsession), so I have no objectivity.
That said, even attempting to pretend impartiality, I think it's a very, very good album. It opens brilliantly with the catchy songs "The Calculation" and "Eet" (which I think are the two standout songs on the record). It get you hooked before you know it and the album slides on with a nice pace, alternating the slower, deeper songs with the more upbeat ones, making a nice layering effect to the thematic idea of the album. The only thing I find out of place is "The Wallet," which is a great song and one of my favorite things she sings live, but it feels jarringly trifling at the end of such a strong album.
As with Begin to Hope, I think the same unfair criticism will be leveled at Far - it's more commercially viable (read: mainstream), more produced, resulting in less original flavor Regina. I agree with the viability and the production, but if anything, this album has more personality Begin to Hope and a couple of the songs rival what we saw on Soviet Kitch. Undoubtedly there are more mainstream things here: "Laughing With" is generic enough for radio play, I sincerely believe "Eet" will end up as the "Better" of this album, and "The Calculation" and "Dance Anthem" both scream commercial to me.
But right at the same time you've got "Folding Chair," which is the quintessential Regina quirk song (there are dolphin noises involved), and "Blue Lips", which is insanely lyrically dense. Basically, I can never figure out what people are on about, but I assume it's cool hate on the popular and say you knew them when, and it was so much better, and lalala. Whatever, it's good stuff.
(Note: As much as I prefer buying music from Amazon over iTunes, get it off iTunes if possible, since the bonus tracks are amazing. While it's short, "Riot Gear" is my favorite song on the whole album.)
------------------
Lines, Vines, and Trying Times, The Jonas Brothers - I don't even know what to say to this album. It's so varied - the theme is obviously the Trying Times part of the title - but musically it's all over the map; you've got country, rock, pop, even a little rap. Despite many of the songs not being my cup of musical tea ("What Did I Do To Your Heart" sounds like a 90's Shania Twain reject, and "Don't Charge Me For The Crime" is gangsta-rap-ultra-lite) I think it's a good album, but it's nothing that you need to go out of your way to hear.
I was shocked how much I liked their last album - it was slickly produced and unbelievably catchy without being too Disney Teen Bop, or only a little bit so (plus some of the songs were just plain good). This album continues that theme in some ways for the better - this is a more mature sounding and better produced album in almost every regard, and it actually has some real-world playable music on it (as long as you never reveal that to anyone that it is the Jonas Brothers who are singing).
Some of it is a little juvenile, though: after listening to "Fly With Me", I sincerely wonder if they've forgotten that Peter Pan sort of doesn't have a happy ending (which seemingly negates the message of the song). And while I enjoy a good Taylor Swift smackdown as much as the next person, I really could have done without the eternally lame "Much Better" ("I'm done with superstars/and all the tears on her guitar, I'm not bitter") Uh, yeah, good luck with that.
On the whole, it's around 6.5 out of 10. Maybe more, depending on how long this "Paranoid" single remains lodged in my brain (seriously, it's really good).
--------------------
Ray Guns Are Not Just The Future, The Bird and The Bee - Such a nice album. I've become sort of an electro-pop glutton lately (Bitter:Sweet, Animal Collective, Lykke Li, Imogen Heap...) so I like to think that I'm starting to be able to tell the difference between something that's just catchy and something that's genuinely good, as electronica goes. This is a really great mixture of the two - standout catchy tunes like "My Love" and "Polite Dance Party," and then some songs that some measure of real interest hiding in them like "Meteor" and "Love Letter to Japan."
Not world-breaking, but a delight nonetheless.
------------------
Beautiful Lie, Ed Harcourt - Get your music snob on. UK release from 2006 that got a US distribution in 2008 to little recognition. This album and Matt Alber's Hide Nothing are my go-to joys for obscure but amazing male singer/songwriters this year. To steal a line, this album is hauntingly beautiful. Goes a little too far on a couple of tracks, particularly "You Only Call Me When You're Drunk" which starts brilliant but then keeps spiraling upwards to a messy and terrible crash, but mostly it's a stunning achievement and kind of makes my heart hurt at times.
------------------
Transmitter Failure, Jenny Owen Youngs -Another one of those biased reviews. Her last album, Batten the Hatches, is my favorite thing that came out of 2007 and I have an irrational love for the way she writes her songs. There's a cynical but reasoned edge to almost every song on that album that really speaks to me.
The new album is a little more driving and a little happier, but the edge is still definitely in place. Her uptempo stuff is just brilliant, with "Last Person" and "Clean Break" as my standout favorites. I'm less in love with a couple of the fragile songs ("Here is a Heart" is a little too cloying and "Nighty Night," while catchy, is off-putting to me), but that's just because I compare them to things like "Woodcut" or "Voice on Tape" from the last album and see missed potential. Make no mistake, it's a wonderful album, maybe my favorite of the whole year so far.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Transformers - Robots in Disg-THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD
My review of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which was so bad that my hate-review spilled over the character limit on the sidebar.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - I told myself as I was walking out of the theater that I wouldn't write up this review for at least a couple of days. "The pain will be too fresh in your mind, and you will say things that you regret."
But you know what? Screw it - This was the worst movie I have ever paid money to go see. And I went to both the remake of Prom Night last year, and I saw The Fog on its opening weekend. Terrible in every way imaginable, and then terrible again in ways that you couldn't even guess. Boring, long, insulting, misogynistic, borderline racist, loud, overly long, annoying, poorly acted, unforgivably dumb, confusing, way too long, illogical, ugly, vaguely nauseating, and (oh did I mention) TOO DAMN LONG. One of my friends complained that when he went to see it, someone pulled the fire alarm at the 2 hour mark and they had to evacuate the theater and he missed the end. Rather than complain, I would have gladly given whoever pulled the fire alarm a hug and maybe a kiss on the mouth. Another friend said she would have had more fun sleeping than watching the movie - I said I would have had more fun hitting myself on the hand with a large, sharp rock for TWO AND ONE HALF HOURS.
The plot is nonsensical to the point that you wonder why they even decided they needed a script at all - just give in to inertia and just go from set-action-piece to set-action-piece without any explanation if your rationalizations are going to be that lame. (Which they did at one point, I might mention. They literally had the cast gather in a circle in the middle of a field outside of the Smithsonian and then magically teleported themselves to a desert in Egypt.)
And then even the action sequences are so poorly shot (or rendered in most cases) that you don't even know what's going on. There are two formulas available:
#1:
#2:
I will credit the movie for making me laugh on three separate occasions (Rainn Wilson, I absolve you for being in this movie) but that doesn't make up for the damage done to my soul. We were trapped in that theater for 150 minutes of my life. Just a terrible, terrible, horrible, unconscionably bad movie.
And I haven't even talked about that part at the end where (SPOILER FOR THE ENDING OF WORST MOVIE IN THE WORLD) the boy dies and goes to Transformers Limbo where he is praised by the spirits of dead robots and is turned into Keanu Reeves from The Matrix except even more lame (because of his robot loyalty he's now The One? After he only started trying to save a robot because he felt guilty for abandoning him earlier and causing said robot's death?). But then he comes back to life because of the power of either Megan Fox's love, or a magically reassembling tiara. Had I been holding anything in my hands at the time, I might very well have chunked it at the screen. I mean, I can enjoy mindless comedy or I can enjoy mindless action, but this was neither. It was just loud, nonsensical, boring and hate Hate HATE HATEHATEHATEHA--- Okay, I'm out.
Jesus.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - I told myself as I was walking out of the theater that I wouldn't write up this review for at least a couple of days. "The pain will be too fresh in your mind, and you will say things that you regret."
But you know what? Screw it - This was the worst movie I have ever paid money to go see. And I went to both the remake of Prom Night last year, and I saw The Fog on its opening weekend. Terrible in every way imaginable, and then terrible again in ways that you couldn't even guess. Boring, long, insulting, misogynistic, borderline racist, loud, overly long, annoying, poorly acted, unforgivably dumb, confusing, way too long, illogical, ugly, vaguely nauseating, and (oh did I mention) TOO DAMN LONG. One of my friends complained that when he went to see it, someone pulled the fire alarm at the 2 hour mark and they had to evacuate the theater and he missed the end. Rather than complain, I would have gladly given whoever pulled the fire alarm a hug and maybe a kiss on the mouth. Another friend said she would have had more fun sleeping than watching the movie - I said I would have had more fun hitting myself on the hand with a large, sharp rock for TWO AND ONE HALF HOURS.
The plot is nonsensical to the point that you wonder why they even decided they needed a script at all - just give in to inertia and just go from set-action-piece to set-action-piece without any explanation if your rationalizations are going to be that lame. (Which they did at one point, I might mention. They literally had the cast gather in a circle in the middle of a field outside of the Smithsonian and then magically teleported themselves to a desert in Egypt.)
And then even the action sequences are so poorly shot (or rendered in most cases) that you don't even know what's going on. There are two formulas available:
#1:
- Two large collections of bits of metal go flying at each other from opposite sides of the screen
- There is a terribly loud screeching noise and some little bits fly off
- The camera then spins around the metal mass about 5 times
- Sometimes then one of the robots will "die," sometimes they won't. Sometimes there is a terrible robot-related quip by the victorious robot.
#2:
- An airplane fires a missile at a robot
OR - An airplane drops a bomb on a robot
(Note: Neither of these things will have any effect on the robot, but explosions = cool, apparently)
I will credit the movie for making me laugh on three separate occasions (Rainn Wilson, I absolve you for being in this movie) but that doesn't make up for the damage done to my soul. We were trapped in that theater for 150 minutes of my life. Just a terrible, terrible, horrible, unconscionably bad movie.
And I haven't even talked about that part at the end where (SPOILER FOR THE ENDING OF WORST MOVIE IN THE WORLD) the boy dies and goes to Transformers Limbo where he is praised by the spirits of dead robots and is turned into Keanu Reeves from The Matrix except even more lame (because of his robot loyalty he's now The One? After he only started trying to save a robot because he felt guilty for abandoning him earlier and causing said robot's death?). But then he comes back to life because of the power of either Megan Fox's love, or a magically reassembling tiara. Had I been holding anything in my hands at the time, I might very well have chunked it at the screen. I mean, I can enjoy mindless comedy or I can enjoy mindless action, but this was neither. It was just loud, nonsensical, boring and hate Hate HATE HATEHATEHATEHA--- Okay, I'm out.
Jesus.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Spring Forward into Television (Week the Last)
So that whole blog hiatus really put a damper on my TV week recaps, huh? Though it definitely didn't slow my TV watching (see the previous post about the new TV and the corresponding rise to infinity of my viewing habits). So rather than try to catch back up, I'm going to zero everything out to coincide with the the summer season finales. And then none of us will have to worry about my TV rants until the Fall. Everyone wins (especially you, the reader)!
Monday
The Big Bang Theory - I'm still shocked that this show has grown on me so much. Particularly because when the first episode aired, I distinctly remember calling it one of the worst atrocities I'd ever seen committed on the airwaves. But they've really done something with nothing. Mostly by realizing the strengths of the show - the character of Sheldon and the comedic timing of the actress who plays Penny - and milking the hell out of it. They still have some glaring issues, mostly revolving around the Leonard character who they can't seem to properly pin down, and the protracted romance issues which just are not that compelling. But by really compartmentalizing each episode (the continuity is there, it's just very subtle) they avoid the worst traps, and just focus on the humor, which I'm a big fan of. Color me shocked, but I'm really looking forward to this show coming back.
How I Met Your Mother - A lackluster season finale, but a strong continuation of the series this season, despite some huge off-screen challenges. When both of your lead actresses get pregnant in the same season (and neither is ready for pregnancy in the series), I'm willing to grant some allowances for how you deal with it. HIMYM did extraordinarily well in that regard - hiding Lily and making up jokes for her large belly and then eventually writing her out of a few episodes. To be fair, the ones that she was gone for were some of the weakest in a long time (as much trouble as I have with her character as a person, she really rounds out the cast perfectly), but overall they did good things with a bad situation. The show has definitely fallen from my favorite thing on TV, but it's still great viewing. And NPH is still a national treasure.
Tuesday
The Biggest Loser - Y'all, I always feel like I should qualify every reality TV review that I do with some kind of blanket apology for liking it, but I don't even have a defense anymore. How good (but way too bloated) was this season? I mean, mostly I watch it for the awesomeness that is Jillian the Brutal Trainer (who is a cross between a lunatic and the best person in the world), but for possibly the first time ever, this show had a real level of drama to it. Usually it's about product placement and contrived inspiration (in that order), but this year there was an extra helping of strategery (by the father/son duo) that actually mattered and wasn't trumped up by the producers later. And the end results were seriously crazy - how hot (and overly tanned) were the son and former model by the season finale? And then at the end, my favorite (the crazy old lady) won the whole thing! I don't know, it was all very satisfying, which is something I don't usually associate with The Biggest Loser. What is happening to me?
American Idol - I don't want to talk about this show. But I watched it a lot this year. It was better than usual, but only because my favorites actually lasted until the end for once. And that's all I have to say about that.
Wednesday
Better Off Ted - I don't think I did a single post while this show was airing, but it might have actually jumped up to #1 or #2 on my list of favorite things on TV right now. And that was with the knowledge hanging over my head that it was surely going to get canceled, which makes it a doubly huge feat, since I try my very best not to get attached to doomed things. But then they went and renewed it for a second season, despite the fact that there were only three of us actually watching (I assume).
In any case, this show is so good. I will watch Portia de Rossi in anything, and she absolutely kills with her character - so weird and quirky, but wholly realized and not overacted. Plus the lab duo of Lem and Phil provide some of the most simple and perfect comedy I've seen in ages. I need to stop talking at this point, before I get into individual episodes and this becomes a real essay (but seriously - the one where the company assigns each of the cubical workers one of 4 different personalities and they become rival cliques is so funny that I sort of greyed out from laughing so much. Oh, and the one with the motion detectors... No, no, I will stop).
Lost - How, how, how is this show still on the air and popular? I mean, don't get me wrong - I basically love it like a member of my family, but this is not mainstream television. This is hard-core sci-fi/metaphor shit going down, with so much backstory and episode retention required that I don't understand how people consistently keep watching. Anyways, great, great stuff, even though they (no joke) killed off all three of my remaining favorite characters this season. It got to the point where I was afraid to reclassify my new favorite in my mind, because the next week they would totally end up dead. But I appreciate the progress the show had made, and the strides they are taking to come to a real resolution.
I say all these nice things upfront because I'm about to rage against the show though: It's all about Kate? Really? REALLY? Jack's entire motivation in the season finale? Despite the fact that Juliette is approximately 20 times the better and more interesting character? Despite the fact that there is zero chemistry there? Despite the fact that it makes zero logical sense (if you change everything, Kate is back handcuffed next to an air marshall on plane and you don't know her!). God, I hated that with the power of a million flaming suns.
South Park - one of the weakest half seasons in a while - I laughed at the Jonas Bros episode, and the finale with the pirates was really well done, but everything else added up to absolutely nothing. No wait, I sort of liked the fish sticks episode, a tiny bit. Overall, though, sort of a downer season.
Thursday
I stopped watching Ugly Betty (too repetitive and insulting), Survivor (boring), and Grey's Anatomy (manipulative tripe).
Parks and Recreation - I hated, hated, hated the first couple of episodes (a ripoff of The Office so complete and terrible I felt physically affronted) but I kept watching because there was something interesting hiding there in the characters. They weren't all just stock profiles - Rashida Jones and Chris Pratt (or Bright from Everwood as he will always be in my heart) as the standouts, but a huge nod also to Paul Schneider as the weird womanizer/sort of good guy/sort of terrible person. And the season finale finally delivered on the promise - a funny, no - super funny, and touching episode. After that I'm actively interested in this show, and practically begging that they keep that feeling going.
The Office - Best stretch of episodes in a long, long while. The MSPC thing was amazing - a pretend game-changer that shook up everything, while in the end keeping everything the same. The new receptionist is a surprisingly well done addition, and the non-office relationship stuff was perfectly downplayed while still being interesting.
30 Rock - Still probably my favorite thing on TV. Almost every single line is quotable, to a ridiculous degree. Jane Krakowski needs an Emmy, like, right now.
Southland - Am I crazy, or is this a really good show? I can't tell. That slow-burn reveal on the 'is he gay or straight' cop seemed to me like some of the best ambiguous writing I've seen in a long while.
Friday - None
Saturday - None
Sunday
The Amazing Race - Despite the heavy favoritism at the end (wasn't that three straight legs in China, one of which was a double leg? And wasn't the eventual winner the brother/sister team who could speak Mandarin?) it was a very solid season, Excellent tasks, good teams, and for once there was some actual restraint in over-hyping the tension at the end of a leg.
Monday
The Big Bang Theory - I'm still shocked that this show has grown on me so much. Particularly because when the first episode aired, I distinctly remember calling it one of the worst atrocities I'd ever seen committed on the airwaves. But they've really done something with nothing. Mostly by realizing the strengths of the show - the character of Sheldon and the comedic timing of the actress who plays Penny - and milking the hell out of it. They still have some glaring issues, mostly revolving around the Leonard character who they can't seem to properly pin down, and the protracted romance issues which just are not that compelling. But by really compartmentalizing each episode (the continuity is there, it's just very subtle) they avoid the worst traps, and just focus on the humor, which I'm a big fan of. Color me shocked, but I'm really looking forward to this show coming back.
How I Met Your Mother - A lackluster season finale, but a strong continuation of the series this season, despite some huge off-screen challenges. When both of your lead actresses get pregnant in the same season (and neither is ready for pregnancy in the series), I'm willing to grant some allowances for how you deal with it. HIMYM did extraordinarily well in that regard - hiding Lily and making up jokes for her large belly and then eventually writing her out of a few episodes. To be fair, the ones that she was gone for were some of the weakest in a long time (as much trouble as I have with her character as a person, she really rounds out the cast perfectly), but overall they did good things with a bad situation. The show has definitely fallen from my favorite thing on TV, but it's still great viewing. And NPH is still a national treasure.
Tuesday
The Biggest Loser - Y'all, I always feel like I should qualify every reality TV review that I do with some kind of blanket apology for liking it, but I don't even have a defense anymore. How good (but way too bloated) was this season? I mean, mostly I watch it for the awesomeness that is Jillian the Brutal Trainer (who is a cross between a lunatic and the best person in the world), but for possibly the first time ever, this show had a real level of drama to it. Usually it's about product placement and contrived inspiration (in that order), but this year there was an extra helping of strategery (by the father/son duo) that actually mattered and wasn't trumped up by the producers later. And the end results were seriously crazy - how hot (and overly tanned) were the son and former model by the season finale? And then at the end, my favorite (the crazy old lady) won the whole thing! I don't know, it was all very satisfying, which is something I don't usually associate with The Biggest Loser. What is happening to me?
American Idol - I don't want to talk about this show. But I watched it a lot this year. It was better than usual, but only because my favorites actually lasted until the end for once. And that's all I have to say about that.
Wednesday
Better Off Ted - I don't think I did a single post while this show was airing, but it might have actually jumped up to #1 or #2 on my list of favorite things on TV right now. And that was with the knowledge hanging over my head that it was surely going to get canceled, which makes it a doubly huge feat, since I try my very best not to get attached to doomed things. But then they went and renewed it for a second season, despite the fact that there were only three of us actually watching (I assume).
In any case, this show is so good. I will watch Portia de Rossi in anything, and she absolutely kills with her character - so weird and quirky, but wholly realized and not overacted. Plus the lab duo of Lem and Phil provide some of the most simple and perfect comedy I've seen in ages. I need to stop talking at this point, before I get into individual episodes and this becomes a real essay (but seriously - the one where the company assigns each of the cubical workers one of 4 different personalities and they become rival cliques is so funny that I sort of greyed out from laughing so much. Oh, and the one with the motion detectors... No, no, I will stop).
Lost - How, how, how is this show still on the air and popular? I mean, don't get me wrong - I basically love it like a member of my family, but this is not mainstream television. This is hard-core sci-fi/metaphor shit going down, with so much backstory and episode retention required that I don't understand how people consistently keep watching. Anyways, great, great stuff, even though they (no joke) killed off all three of my remaining favorite characters this season. It got to the point where I was afraid to reclassify my new favorite in my mind, because the next week they would totally end up dead. But I appreciate the progress the show had made, and the strides they are taking to come to a real resolution.
I say all these nice things upfront because I'm about to rage against the show though: It's all about Kate? Really? REALLY? Jack's entire motivation in the season finale? Despite the fact that Juliette is approximately 20 times the better and more interesting character? Despite the fact that there is zero chemistry there? Despite the fact that it makes zero logical sense (if you change everything, Kate is back handcuffed next to an air marshall on plane and you don't know her!). God, I hated that with the power of a million flaming suns.
South Park - one of the weakest half seasons in a while - I laughed at the Jonas Bros episode, and the finale with the pirates was really well done, but everything else added up to absolutely nothing. No wait, I sort of liked the fish sticks episode, a tiny bit. Overall, though, sort of a downer season.
Thursday
I stopped watching Ugly Betty (too repetitive and insulting), Survivor (boring), and Grey's Anatomy (manipulative tripe).
Parks and Recreation - I hated, hated, hated the first couple of episodes (a ripoff of The Office so complete and terrible I felt physically affronted) but I kept watching because there was something interesting hiding there in the characters. They weren't all just stock profiles - Rashida Jones and Chris Pratt (or Bright from Everwood as he will always be in my heart) as the standouts, but a huge nod also to Paul Schneider as the weird womanizer/sort of good guy/sort of terrible person. And the season finale finally delivered on the promise - a funny, no - super funny, and touching episode. After that I'm actively interested in this show, and practically begging that they keep that feeling going.
The Office - Best stretch of episodes in a long, long while. The MSPC thing was amazing - a pretend game-changer that shook up everything, while in the end keeping everything the same. The new receptionist is a surprisingly well done addition, and the non-office relationship stuff was perfectly downplayed while still being interesting.
30 Rock - Still probably my favorite thing on TV. Almost every single line is quotable, to a ridiculous degree. Jane Krakowski needs an Emmy, like, right now.
Southland - Am I crazy, or is this a really good show? I can't tell. That slow-burn reveal on the 'is he gay or straight' cop seemed to me like some of the best ambiguous writing I've seen in a long while.
Friday - None
Saturday - None
Sunday
The Amazing Race - Despite the heavy favoritism at the end (wasn't that three straight legs in China, one of which was a double leg? And wasn't the eventual winner the brother/sister team who could speak Mandarin?) it was a very solid season, Excellent tasks, good teams, and for once there was some actual restraint in over-hyping the tension at the end of a leg.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Wherein a Jukebox Weekend Happens
How long was I waiting in dramatic anticipation of the Jenny Owen Youngs/ Jukebox the Ghost show last Friday? Because of the advent of Twitter, I can pinpoint it down to the minute: 5:43pm on March 18th. I'm not sure if I like that level of documentation on my mental state, but it is handy for times like this.Anyways, it's been a while. And especially since there's been a dearth of good live music in Dallas, with that level of focused waiting I was pretty worried that it wouldn't live up to the hype in my mind. But it totally did! And not just for a couple of reasons. More like 16 reasons. Starting from the top:
Jenny Owen Youngs is awesome. No, seriously, so awesome. Even with the terrible sound system at the Prophet Bar (which is so, so terrible, you guys. I have yet to go to a show there that didn't have major sound problems) she rocked the house. Not only did she open with my favorite song of hers in the whole world (Voice on Tape), she played the three best tracks off her new album and still had time for 'Drinking Song.' Plus, she dealt with that absolutely bizarre crowd (more on that later) with aplomb.
Jukebox the Ghost is really impressive live. I'd totally like to lie and pretend that I knew who they were before the show was booked, but let's keep the blog honest. I bought the tickets just because of Youngs and didn't have a clue who they were. Instead, I had to play internet catch-up on their MySpace page to at least hear some of their music before I went to the show so I wouldn't be completely out of the loop, since they were joint-headlining.
But in cool twist of luck, they're firmly in my musical taste wheelhouse: Piano, drums, and guitar with a lot of quirky lyrics and hooks thrown about liberally. Think Ben Folds, only with a more electronic and grandious sound. Plus, lots of talk about the apocalypse and the Antichrist. I actually ended up buying their album before the show, it's so catchy.
And they're even better live - they've got that sort of jam-band type of feel that makes them 100 times cooler in person because the product is similar to what you expect, but they really dig in to every song. They're excellent performers - I'd put them right up there with Regina Spektor and Steel Train in terms of musicians I've seen who are way better live vs. their recorded album.
Oh man, and can I talk for a second about the complete insanity that was the audience? This is broken down into many parts. One: the crowd was way smaller than I expected (which meant we could get an awesome view of the stage despite sitting back at the bar during the opening bands). Two: even though the crowd was small, there were two genuinely crazy people in the audience - a strange man who was full-out dancing right in front of the stage during Jenny's set (doing a modified version of The Twist, even during the slower songs), and a similarly excited girl who shouted during a lull between songs "I love your prose!" Which is one of the stranger things I've heard as far as audience-to-live-band compliments go.
Three: I'm almost sure we were the oldest people in the audience who were there for the show itself, and not there as chaperon/ride home for some of the kids up front. In fact, a pretty thorough examination of the people around us yielded only 6 people who had wristbands allowing them to drink. This in-and-of itself is not crazy, but I'm guessing the lowered age-level removed some of the jaded concert-fiend feel to the show, because these kids were rocking out. I mean, at one point during the combined bands portion of the show, Jenny said something like "Now this is a dance song, so you guys need to be dancing," and oh-my-sweet-lord how they took up that challenge with vigor. I love an audience that does more than just stand there and one that actively dances around crazily is like concentrated joy.
Other things that were very cool:
- That I got to say hi to Jenny Owen Youngs
- That I got to buy a tour poster and a vinyl album from her with recordings of the two combined songs that she and Jukebox did together (the best part of the show)
- That she and her band came out and danced along with the audience during the last couple of Jukebox songs
- That the two supporting guitarists with Jenny did an interpretive tambourine dance during the Jukebox/Jenny combined song (Highlight of the night)
- That the bartender interpreted "SoCo and Coke" to mean "A glassfull of SoCo with a tiny splash of Coke"
- That Devon (the friend I conned into coming with me) managed to endure the crazy dancing guy's awkwardness without having to leave the room
Other things that were not cool:
- (Again) the soundboard at the bar (the worst)
Yeah, so: totally awesome show.
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The rest of the weekend was consumed by a graduation party for the boyfriend's best friend, followed by a whole lot of sleeping. Which was pretty sweet itself, but involved little that was noteworthy. So definitely a good couple of days.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Oh Hey, I Have a Blog. Perhaps I'd Like To Write in It
My writing skills are pretty rusty these days. You'd think that writing would be like bicycle riding or falling off a horse - something that you never forget how to do and is fun for the whole family. But instead it's more like calculus or shooting a high powered rifle - the skill rapidly deteriorates without constant practice and it's only fun for people with severe personality disorders.
But in any case, let's see if we can't bang out a few stories here to kill time between bouts of job hunting.
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So I've become one of those technology worshippers again. I had been doing ridiculously well for years - my last major purchase was a widescreen LCD monitor ages ago, and even that was on sale. I hadn't done a computer purchase, or any large scale electronics buy since changing apartments almost two years ago. I mean, yes, technically in the interim I bought a ridiculous new car that was financially crippling in a way that electronics only dream of being, but that's different. I need to be able to drive around places. Preferably in high luxury with an unreliable but prestigious brand name.
Wait, where was I? Who knows, but the urge finally overwhelmed me and I broke down and picked up a new TV to replace my 5 year old, 1,000 pound monstrosity that had been my constant CRT companion since 3 months before college graduation. In its stead, I have installed something even more outlandish - one of those widescreen plasma behemoths, in a diagonal screen size that I refuse to even mention, except to say that it's more viewing real estate than one should probably expect in an IMAX theatre.
You'd think that such a financially destructive move would leave me sobbing and gasping for air the second the credit card statement came in, complete with the wailing and gnashing of teeth, ending with an artful but well coordinated fall onto a fainting couch. But instead, several things have conspired to make this one of the best purchases I've ever made and quite possibly the only one that I've never once had a recriminating thought about.
We'll see how it goes, but I think I have it under control.
In unrelated news, has anyone got a line on a good Blu-ray player?
But in any case, let's see if we can't bang out a few stories here to kill time between bouts of job hunting.
---------------------------
So I've become one of those technology worshippers again. I had been doing ridiculously well for years - my last major purchase was a widescreen LCD monitor ages ago, and even that was on sale. I hadn't done a computer purchase, or any large scale electronics buy since changing apartments almost two years ago. I mean, yes, technically in the interim I bought a ridiculous new car that was financially crippling in a way that electronics only dream of being, but that's different. I need to be able to drive around places. Preferably in high luxury with an unreliable but prestigious brand name.
Wait, where was I? Who knows, but the urge finally overwhelmed me and I broke down and picked up a new TV to replace my 5 year old, 1,000 pound monstrosity that had been my constant CRT companion since 3 months before college graduation. In its stead, I have installed something even more outlandish - one of those widescreen plasma behemoths, in a diagonal screen size that I refuse to even mention, except to say that it's more viewing real estate than one should probably expect in an IMAX theatre.
You'd think that such a financially destructive move would leave me sobbing and gasping for air the second the credit card statement came in, complete with the wailing and gnashing of teeth, ending with an artful but well coordinated fall onto a fainting couch. But instead, several things have conspired to make this one of the best purchases I've ever made and quite possibly the only one that I've never once had a recriminating thought about.
- I got a spectacular deal: I obsessively tracked online and newspaper deals for months, never pulling the trigger but constantly on high alert. You can ask anyone who was around me for the months of December to March - I would not shut up about pricing points and the benefits of plasma vs. LCD. It was like living around a Best Buy Associate gone mad. And to top it off, every 20 minutes I would do a scan of the deal sites for those quick fire-sale internet site deals . I never seemed to find any good TV ones, but I did manage to make several completely insane purchases at super low costs. A small sample of which includes: 10 pairs of designer sunglasses for $8.99, two cute shorty-short Penguin swimsuits (retail value $123) for $19.98 total, and two free decks of collectible trading cards (because I'm 12).
Then finally I stumbled upon a super deal for a TV 4 inches larger than my target size, for less than $100 above my allowable budget. I snapped that thing up so fast that the keyboard practically smoked. I was pretty impressed with myself at the time (usually a purchase that large would require hours of agonizing and rationalization) for making the decision so quickly, but now I just worry that my impulse control is going downhill. - No sales tax on the internet, and they shipped, delivered, and helped me get thing into my living room FOR FREE. Which were the parts I was most worried about to be sure. Because my new car has only one disadvantage to the Truck of Malfunction, and that would be that it can't carry large-scale electronics. Plus I am a 150lb weakling in the worst way, and there are several stairs involved in reaching my apartment. Like, more than 8 of them. So seriously, free delivery and installation was just like Christmas, except the fat man involved was wearing a weight belt and driving a moving van, instead of a red suit and a sleigh. I did end up giving him a cookie, though.
- I was able to sell the old giant TV to offset some of the cost: Roommate Frank got his network going and he managed to arrange the liquidation of my old monolith, which I firmly had expected to be a sunk cost. So really, it was like I got 20% off the sales price right there. Roommate Frank is awesome. (Also it was good to see my old TV friend go to a nice home. With room for him to run around and other TVs to play with, I assume.)
- HD TV is the best thing in the world: No really. I can't really explain it, but everything is better in HD. I am less offended by bad sitcoms when viewed in widescreen and sharp definition. I am less incensed at terrible Mavs games when I can see the sweat on Dirk's face so clearly. Watching How It's Made on the new TV comes so close to fulfilling my dream of working in an assembly factory that I can basically pretend I'm right there in the warehouse.
We'll see how it goes, but I think I have it under control.
In unrelated news, has anyone got a line on a good Blu-ray player?
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
And Then He Died
I hate New Year's resolutions now. I used to like the idea of having a goal for the year, only to piss away any chance of reaching that goal within a couple of weeks. It made me feel very motivated, for exactly those two weeks. But starting in 2009, I wasn't going to do that sort of thing anymore. Instead, I was content to live with my mediocre expectations year-in and year-out.
Weirdly though, this year Jordan's new apartment lease happened to start the first of year, and coincidentally the apartment complex opened up a kick-ass new gym right there on the grounds within a week of his move-in. Thus, I have inadvertently wandered into a kept-resolution-type scenario, insofar as I have been going to the gym regularly for two months now starting January 1. It probably only counts as the Alanis-Non-Irony kind of justice, but I like it anyways.
Spoons when you want a knife :: keeping a resolution only after disavowing them forever.
I should write a song.
-------------------------
Last week Jordan was feeling under the weather, so I ended up going to the gym alone on Monday. I've taken a new approach to gym-work this time, focusing on running and similar cardiovascular things instead of weight lifting. Mostly because lately I've been really worried that when the zombie apocalypse comes, I will be way too far out of shape to outrun the mindless hordes of brain devourers. And everyone knows that muscles don't do any good against a screaming army of the undead. The only real hope is to escape - something that my easily-winded-by-a-short-staircase self would be unable to accomplish.
So running it is.
Usually I hate it, but I've slowly been getting better, at least to the point where I no longer want to projectile vomit after every 30 minute session. I started at 2 miles, then upped it to 2.5 after a month, and on Monday I was shooting for the full 3 miles, only mildly worried that my heart might explode right there in front of the scary yoga lady and her even scarier devotees.
I made it through both of the first two miles relatively easily, spurred on by my excellent iPod Zombie Escaping Playlist(TM). The third mile was by far the hardest, and I was starting to seriously drag. Not even mind-conjured images of 26 Days Later were helping. By that point the yoga class had dispersed, it was only me, one girl on a treadmill, and a guy in the weight lifting area left in the gym.
To understand what follows, you have to understand that I really hate running. Really. The only way I can convincingly keep myself going when I'm tired is to sync in with the music I'm listening to and focus on a fixed point in the mid-distance. A proper mix-tape (such as my ZEP) will be properly calibrated to pick the most likely point of exhaustion (minute 22) as the time to start rising - faster songs, louder, more bass, a good drum set, and I can usually power through to the end. The only side-effect to this is that I might sometimes get a little too into the music.
Not like singing along (I avoid at least that much), but I may swing my arms more forcefully to the beat, or do a little swaying/head bobbing along with the running. It probably looks a little weird (and gives off the impression that I may at any point collapse and/or fall off the moving treadmill) but it works.
Except in this particular instance, I was sweating so profusely that I had to set my iPod up on the treadmill display, cannily thinking that it might slip from my overly-slick hand mid-run, causing disaster and loss of being in the Music/Running Zone.
Item that I did not consider: Placing the iPod on the display left a conspicuous and intrusive white cord from my ears down to the treadmill. And in my Zoning, I overly emphasized the shooting part of M.I.A's Paper Planes with my arms, and swung right through the cord.
From what I can work out (CSI-style in my mind), the recreation of the physics worked thusly: My left arm swung down, yanking the cord to the iPod with it. The earbuds, being far more secured than the iPod itself, held in place. So instead the iPod was pulled down with the cord - only when it reached the edge of the display it popped upwards before it's eventual downward fall. At which point it disconnected from the headphones entirely, shot out projectile-like over my shoulder, behind me, across the gym, and then skidded to a stop at the feet of the guy over in the weights area.
This whole scenario took approximately 1.2 seconds, plus skidding time.
In reaction I glance back and forth like a dog shaking water off its head, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. I finally twist my head all the way around and see the big muscle-bound guy with his head cocked and staring at the strange tiny red device in front of him with a confused look on his face. I lose my balance on the treadmill and manage to artfully twist my left ankle before recovering an eighth of my dignity by not face-planting right then and there. I extract myself from the machine, and sheepishly go collect my iPod from the mildly amused but still confused guy, apologizing like mad and trying not to fall over dead from exhaustion/embarrassment.
Both he and the girl on the other treadmill eye me warily as I walk back to my machine, both still unsure as to why I seemingly threw my iPod across the room at him. Rather than attempt an explanation (I've learned that it never goes well) I just apologized again and tried to finish up the end of my run, limping like a crazy man. I abandoned the attempt after a couple minutes, and bolted from the room, never to return.
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Actually I still go back (it's a really nice gym). But now whenever I walk in, I'm perpetually terrified that either of them will be there and soon the whispering and pointing will begin. Hushed words about 'iPod throwers' will swirl around me and I'll need to run away, possibly crying, and deciding the change my name and appearance.
But so far that hasn't happened. And now I've switched over to the elliptical machines, which don't hurt my ankle and more importantly keep my hands occupied at all times, so everyone can see that I won't be throwing any musical devices anytime soon.
That way everyone wins.
Weirdly though, this year Jordan's new apartment lease happened to start the first of year, and coincidentally the apartment complex opened up a kick-ass new gym right there on the grounds within a week of his move-in. Thus, I have inadvertently wandered into a kept-resolution-type scenario, insofar as I have been going to the gym regularly for two months now starting January 1. It probably only counts as the Alanis-Non-Irony kind of justice, but I like it anyways.
Spoons when you want a knife :: keeping a resolution only after disavowing them forever.
I should write a song.
-------------------------
Last week Jordan was feeling under the weather, so I ended up going to the gym alone on Monday. I've taken a new approach to gym-work this time, focusing on running and similar cardiovascular things instead of weight lifting. Mostly because lately I've been really worried that when the zombie apocalypse comes, I will be way too far out of shape to outrun the mindless hordes of brain devourers. And everyone knows that muscles don't do any good against a screaming army of the undead. The only real hope is to escape - something that my easily-winded-by-a-short-staircase self would be unable to accomplish.
So running it is.
Usually I hate it, but I've slowly been getting better, at least to the point where I no longer want to projectile vomit after every 30 minute session. I started at 2 miles, then upped it to 2.5 after a month, and on Monday I was shooting for the full 3 miles, only mildly worried that my heart might explode right there in front of the scary yoga lady and her even scarier devotees.
I made it through both of the first two miles relatively easily, spurred on by my excellent iPod Zombie Escaping Playlist(TM). The third mile was by far the hardest, and I was starting to seriously drag. Not even mind-conjured images of 26 Days Later were helping. By that point the yoga class had dispersed, it was only me, one girl on a treadmill, and a guy in the weight lifting area left in the gym.
To understand what follows, you have to understand that I really hate running. Really. The only way I can convincingly keep myself going when I'm tired is to sync in with the music I'm listening to and focus on a fixed point in the mid-distance. A proper mix-tape (such as my ZEP) will be properly calibrated to pick the most likely point of exhaustion (minute 22) as the time to start rising - faster songs, louder, more bass, a good drum set, and I can usually power through to the end. The only side-effect to this is that I might sometimes get a little too into the music.
Not like singing along (I avoid at least that much), but I may swing my arms more forcefully to the beat, or do a little swaying/head bobbing along with the running. It probably looks a little weird (and gives off the impression that I may at any point collapse and/or fall off the moving treadmill) but it works.
Except in this particular instance, I was sweating so profusely that I had to set my iPod up on the treadmill display, cannily thinking that it might slip from my overly-slick hand mid-run, causing disaster and loss of being in the Music/Running Zone.
Item that I did not consider: Placing the iPod on the display left a conspicuous and intrusive white cord from my ears down to the treadmill. And in my Zoning, I overly emphasized the shooting part of M.I.A's Paper Planes with my arms, and swung right through the cord.
From what I can work out (CSI-style in my mind), the recreation of the physics worked thusly: My left arm swung down, yanking the cord to the iPod with it. The earbuds, being far more secured than the iPod itself, held in place. So instead the iPod was pulled down with the cord - only when it reached the edge of the display it popped upwards before it's eventual downward fall. At which point it disconnected from the headphones entirely, shot out projectile-like over my shoulder, behind me, across the gym, and then skidded to a stop at the feet of the guy over in the weights area.
This whole scenario took approximately 1.2 seconds, plus skidding time.
In reaction I glance back and forth like a dog shaking water off its head, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. I finally twist my head all the way around and see the big muscle-bound guy with his head cocked and staring at the strange tiny red device in front of him with a confused look on his face. I lose my balance on the treadmill and manage to artfully twist my left ankle before recovering an eighth of my dignity by not face-planting right then and there. I extract myself from the machine, and sheepishly go collect my iPod from the mildly amused but still confused guy, apologizing like mad and trying not to fall over dead from exhaustion/embarrassment.
Both he and the girl on the other treadmill eye me warily as I walk back to my machine, both still unsure as to why I seemingly threw my iPod across the room at him. Rather than attempt an explanation (I've learned that it never goes well) I just apologized again and tried to finish up the end of my run, limping like a crazy man. I abandoned the attempt after a couple minutes, and bolted from the room, never to return.
-------------------
Actually I still go back (it's a really nice gym). But now whenever I walk in, I'm perpetually terrified that either of them will be there and soon the whispering and pointing will begin. Hushed words about 'iPod throwers' will swirl around me and I'll need to run away, possibly crying, and deciding the change my name and appearance.
But so far that hasn't happened. And now I've switched over to the elliptical machines, which don't hurt my ankle and more importantly keep my hands occupied at all times, so everyone can see that I won't be throwing any musical devices anytime soon.
That way everyone wins.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
A Brief Oscar Follow Up
I have mostly nothing to say about The Oscars, except that I pretty much uniformly enjoyed this year's ceremony, much more so than usual, even if the winners were a bit predictable.
Best Bits (In order of Bestness):
Best Bits (In order of Bestness):
- Anne Hathaway! God, I love her. Totally being the best part of the intro pretending to be Nixon, getting all choked up at Shirley MacLaine's tribute, and then looking genuinely happy for Kate Winslet when she won. She completes me.
- Dustin Lance Black, and that super cute (and political) speech. Definitely the best one of the night.
- Sean Penn. Not only did he win, he was sort of charming about it! I was absolutely dreading my mixed feelings of happiness and loathing if he won and then gave a douchey speech, but instead it was all happiness. Good for him.
- Tina Fey & Steve Martin. The best presenters by a mile, and genuinely funny.
- The part of the opening dance number when Hugh Jackman was all "The Reader... I haven't seen The Reader" and all the crazy metallic dancing guys. Possibly the only time I laughed out loud during the whole show.
- No wait, I also laughed when Will Smith said "Boom goes the dynamite."
- James Franco watching James Franco. If Anne Hathaway hadn't already completed me, he would do the job.
- Kate Winslet winning and being ultra cute and having her dad whistle. I am really glad she finally won one.
Friday, February 06, 2009
A Music Post for No One's Benefit
Aw man, I totally didn't do an end of the year round-up of my favorite new music for 2008. And now that it's February, that boat has obviously sailed.
So instead, we're going to do a round up entitled Music That I'm Listening to Right Now, Which Suspiciously Looks Like a List of My Top Ten Favorite Albums of 2008, But Whatever, You Can't Prove Anything, Direct All Questions to My Attorney.
It's a pretty good list.
My Top Ten Albums Right Now, All of Which Coincidentally Came Out in 2008
#10 Death Cab for Cutie - Narrow Stairs
: What a strange CD this is. I'm a self-acknowledged bandwagon jumper here - I was never a Ben Gibbard fan except in the Postal Service sort of way until all the hype swung me over about 2 years ago, so I can't pretend to have some deep understanding of the band. But I liked Transatlanticism approximately 500% more than this album. That said though, it still ranks easily as one of the better things released last year. Sort of haunting and sad, with just the right amount of, um, is bitter-wistfulness even a thing? Whatever, a good-to-great album.
#9 Lykke Li - Youth Novels
: Talk about coming out of nowhere - this is one of those albums that someone sort of offhandedly suggested that I might like to try, and now suddenly I cannot stop listening to it. Mostly for the one single, Little Bit, which is inspired and and ungodly amount of catchy. But the whole album is shockingly good too, so long as you ignore the spoken word sections. Try it out.
#8 The 88 - Not Only... But Also
: So The 88 album Over and Over is probably the single CD that I've listened to more times in the last two years than anything else. It's endlessly entertaining and so so catchy. Their follow-up is also their first major release and it's... I guess 'really good' is the cheap phrase I'm looking for. It's more refined than Over and Over, but it's also more processed, more commercial, and not as super amazing. Never more evident than when they took one of the songs from Over and Over (Coming Home) and re-recorded it by processing the hell out of it and making it 50% worse than before. But overall, it's a great CD, and has one of my favorite songs of all 2008 on it: No One Here.
#7 Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend
: I'm pretty sure there has never been a band that has so quickly risen to popularity and then crashed down under the backlash as fast as Vampire Weekend. They were the hip new thing back in the Fall of 2007, before their album ever came out, and by the time it actually hit stores in January '08, they were so overplayed and oversaturated that everyone hated their guts. Me, I still can't get enough of this CD. The crazy vocals, the awesome catchy baselines, the fact that their most famous lyric is "who gives a fuck about an oxford comma," all of it. Why will no one else love this album but me?
#6 Adele - 19
: If this were actually a list of best albums from 2008, I would most certainly be making a comment right here about how it's hard to remember that this CD came out this year, because it feels like I've been listening to this album for half my life now. Seriously, it's so so so good, that it makes my teeth hurt. (Also, here's link to JD, who I begrudgingly acknowledge pointed me to the album. Doesn't it just kill you when someone else finds the best music of the year before you?). By far, the best debut album I've heard in the last couple of years. So polished and smart-sounding, without any of the current standby tricks of new artists. Recommended so hard.
#5 Ben Folds - Way to Normal
: Now this is a good way for an iconic band to behave (take note Weezer down there). Despite the fact that it's a very experimental and different sound, it's wholly Ben Folds, and very well done, if wildly uneven. Some of it sounds like old Ben Folds Five stuff, one song sounds like an outtake from Rocking the Suburbs, but overall it still has that grown up feel of Songs for Silverman, all while trying something new. The problems with hte album all stem from the fact that some of the songs are just... (and I don't want to sound mean here but) they're bad. Errant Dog is kinda dumb on its face, and The Frown song is terribly out of place on this album. They're jarring, and mar what is otherwise absolutely brilliant. Not that that really matters to me, because let's be honest: it has a song wherein Regina Spektor and Ben Folds duet. When your two favorite artists in the entire world do a song together, that means you love the CD as if it's your child. It's like a rule.
#4 The Hush Sound - Goodbye Blues
: I know I've said it before and I'll continue to say it - I am always shocked that The Hush Sound isn't as popular as I think they should be. I don't get it. Their songs are incredibly catchy, and almost tailor-made for radio airtime. They have two smoking hot lead singers (one girl and one guy to appeal to all demographics). And both of their last two albums have been brilliant and complete, with maybe two bad songs across three CDs. But whatever, Goodbye Blues is excellent, smarter than your average album, and varied enough to constantly keep you guessing. My only complaint is that Robert Morris (the guy lead singer) doesn't get a song until all the way to the middle of CD, which initially scared the crap out of me because the songs he fronts are invariably my favorites.
#3 Noah and the Whale - Peaceful, the World Lays Me Down
: Sweet baby Jesus, this album is inhabiting my soul lately. I dunno, usually I am immune to that sort of hippie, melody, ukulele-and-trumpet-included massive troupe band archetype (i.e. Arcade Fire, Polyphonic Spree) but this one not only stuck with me, it won't go away. It's so good, and a little sad, and a little hilarious, then really happy and love-sickening, and then back around to sad again. What I'm saying is that I can't describe how or why, but I love this album.
#2 Kings of Leon - Only by the Night
: So it took more than 4 different attempts at getting through this CD before I even came close to liking it. And now it's, no joke my 2nd favorite album that came out in 2008. I don't know where the turnaround came from, but it sticks with me now. I think it must have to do with the lead singer's voice, which I tend to liken now to 'sex of the eardrum variety.' If you can tell, I'm a little bit excited about this band nowadays.
#1 Amanda Palmer - Who Killed Amanda Palmer
: I know I'm an inveterate over-promoter of music. When something I love gets to me, I become the prophet who won't stop talking about it. But this is totally different - you need this CD. It's amazing, passionate, real, and a little jagged. I will heap mounds of praise on this CD to the ends of the earth.
Also, 5 Runner Up Albums That Barely Missed the List
#11 Jonas Brothers - A Little Bit Longer
: How about y'all just leave me alone, okay. I love this CD. At first I thought I did so in a cool, campy-ironic sort of way, and then I realized that, yeah, not so much. Sure, most of it is pop trash, but it's great pop trash. Whatever! At least I didn't put it in the Top 10. Don't look at me like that. Why must you be so hateful?
#12 Dresden Dolls - No, Virginia...
: The least hyped CD in the history of CD's - enough so that I didn't know it had come out until a full 3 months after release and I happened to be wandering through the Youtubes and found a mention of a studio-produced version of a song I had only heard live before. It's good, but no where near as cohesive as Yes, Virginia, the companion album from last year.
#13 Weezer - Weezer (Red Album)
: This album should not be this low, but because I have such terribly high standards for Weezer these days, and nothing they could do would live up to it, it's graded as such. Also, because I hate Rivers Cuomo's new facial hair with a fiery passion. But there are things here that are great, and catchy, just not as iconic as they once were. That's not a crime, just a little disappointing.
#14 She and Him - Volume One
: This one I've been on the fence with since I bought it. On one hand it's a little simplistic. Pretty much as bare-bones accompaniment as possible and nothing but Zooey Deschanel's voice to go on. On the other hand, her voice is pretty much awesome beyond description. I guess the fact that I have had it on my iPod rotation nonstop since I bought it means that I fall on the good side of the fence.
#15 The Cab - Whisper War
: Dude, I know, I'm as surprised as you. Chalk it up to my weakness for NSYNC type boybands, or to these two ridiculously catchy singles Bounce and I'll Run. But it's a good CD, and at the end of the year day, they're one my big time new bands to watch.
So instead, we're going to do a round up entitled Music That I'm Listening to Right Now, Which Suspiciously Looks Like a List of My Top Ten Favorite Albums of 2008, But Whatever, You Can't Prove Anything, Direct All Questions to My Attorney.
It's a pretty good list.
My Top Ten Albums Right Now, All of Which Coincidentally Came Out in 2008
#10 Death Cab for Cutie - Narrow Stairs
: What a strange CD this is. I'm a self-acknowledged bandwagon jumper here - I was never a Ben Gibbard fan except in the Postal Service sort of way until all the hype swung me over about 2 years ago, so I can't pretend to have some deep understanding of the band. But I liked Transatlanticism approximately 500% more than this album. That said though, it still ranks easily as one of the better things released last year. Sort of haunting and sad, with just the right amount of, um, is bitter-wistfulness even a thing? Whatever, a good-to-great album.#9 Lykke Li - Youth Novels
: Talk about coming out of nowhere - this is one of those albums that someone sort of offhandedly suggested that I might like to try, and now suddenly I cannot stop listening to it. Mostly for the one single, Little Bit, which is inspired and and ungodly amount of catchy. But the whole album is shockingly good too, so long as you ignore the spoken word sections. Try it out.#8 The 88 - Not Only... But Also
: So The 88 album Over and Over is probably the single CD that I've listened to more times in the last two years than anything else. It's endlessly entertaining and so so catchy. Their follow-up is also their first major release and it's... I guess 'really good' is the cheap phrase I'm looking for. It's more refined than Over and Over, but it's also more processed, more commercial, and not as super amazing. Never more evident than when they took one of the songs from Over and Over (Coming Home) and re-recorded it by processing the hell out of it and making it 50% worse than before. But overall, it's a great CD, and has one of my favorite songs of all 2008 on it: No One Here.#7 Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend
: I'm pretty sure there has never been a band that has so quickly risen to popularity and then crashed down under the backlash as fast as Vampire Weekend. They were the hip new thing back in the Fall of 2007, before their album ever came out, and by the time it actually hit stores in January '08, they were so overplayed and oversaturated that everyone hated their guts. Me, I still can't get enough of this CD. The crazy vocals, the awesome catchy baselines, the fact that their most famous lyric is "who gives a fuck about an oxford comma," all of it. Why will no one else love this album but me?#6 Adele - 19
: If this were actually a list of best albums from 2008, I would most certainly be making a comment right here about how it's hard to remember that this CD came out this year, because it feels like I've been listening to this album for half my life now. Seriously, it's so so so good, that it makes my teeth hurt. (Also, here's link to JD, who I begrudgingly acknowledge pointed me to the album. Doesn't it just kill you when someone else finds the best music of the year before you?). By far, the best debut album I've heard in the last couple of years. So polished and smart-sounding, without any of the current standby tricks of new artists. Recommended so hard.#5 Ben Folds - Way to Normal
: Now this is a good way for an iconic band to behave (take note Weezer down there). Despite the fact that it's a very experimental and different sound, it's wholly Ben Folds, and very well done, if wildly uneven. Some of it sounds like old Ben Folds Five stuff, one song sounds like an outtake from Rocking the Suburbs, but overall it still has that grown up feel of Songs for Silverman, all while trying something new. The problems with hte album all stem from the fact that some of the songs are just... (and I don't want to sound mean here but) they're bad. Errant Dog is kinda dumb on its face, and The Frown song is terribly out of place on this album. They're jarring, and mar what is otherwise absolutely brilliant. Not that that really matters to me, because let's be honest: it has a song wherein Regina Spektor and Ben Folds duet. When your two favorite artists in the entire world do a song together, that means you love the CD as if it's your child. It's like a rule.#4 The Hush Sound - Goodbye Blues
: I know I've said it before and I'll continue to say it - I am always shocked that The Hush Sound isn't as popular as I think they should be. I don't get it. Their songs are incredibly catchy, and almost tailor-made for radio airtime. They have two smoking hot lead singers (one girl and one guy to appeal to all demographics). And both of their last two albums have been brilliant and complete, with maybe two bad songs across three CDs. But whatever, Goodbye Blues is excellent, smarter than your average album, and varied enough to constantly keep you guessing. My only complaint is that Robert Morris (the guy lead singer) doesn't get a song until all the way to the middle of CD, which initially scared the crap out of me because the songs he fronts are invariably my favorites.#3 Noah and the Whale - Peaceful, the World Lays Me Down
: Sweet baby Jesus, this album is inhabiting my soul lately. I dunno, usually I am immune to that sort of hippie, melody, ukulele-and-trumpet-included massive troupe band archetype (i.e. Arcade Fire, Polyphonic Spree) but this one not only stuck with me, it won't go away. It's so good, and a little sad, and a little hilarious, then really happy and love-sickening, and then back around to sad again. What I'm saying is that I can't describe how or why, but I love this album.#2 Kings of Leon - Only by the Night
: So it took more than 4 different attempts at getting through this CD before I even came close to liking it. And now it's, no joke my 2nd favorite album that came out in 2008. I don't know where the turnaround came from, but it sticks with me now. I think it must have to do with the lead singer's voice, which I tend to liken now to 'sex of the eardrum variety.' If you can tell, I'm a little bit excited about this band nowadays.#1 Amanda Palmer - Who Killed Amanda Palmer
: I know I'm an inveterate over-promoter of music. When something I love gets to me, I become the prophet who won't stop talking about it. But this is totally different - you need this CD. It's amazing, passionate, real, and a little jagged. I will heap mounds of praise on this CD to the ends of the earth.Also, 5 Runner Up Albums That Barely Missed the List
#11 Jonas Brothers - A Little Bit Longer
: How about y'all just leave me alone, okay. I love this CD. At first I thought I did so in a cool, campy-ironic sort of way, and then I realized that, yeah, not so much. Sure, most of it is pop trash, but it's great pop trash. Whatever! At least I didn't put it in the Top 10. Don't look at me like that. Why must you be so hateful?#12 Dresden Dolls - No, Virginia...
: The least hyped CD in the history of CD's - enough so that I didn't know it had come out until a full 3 months after release and I happened to be wandering through the Youtubes and found a mention of a studio-produced version of a song I had only heard live before. It's good, but no where near as cohesive as Yes, Virginia, the companion album from last year.#13 Weezer - Weezer (Red Album)
: This album should not be this low, but because I have such terribly high standards for Weezer these days, and nothing they could do would live up to it, it's graded as such. Also, because I hate Rivers Cuomo's new facial hair with a fiery passion. But there are things here that are great, and catchy, just not as iconic as they once were. That's not a crime, just a little disappointing.#14 She and Him - Volume One
: This one I've been on the fence with since I bought it. On one hand it's a little simplistic. Pretty much as bare-bones accompaniment as possible and nothing but Zooey Deschanel's voice to go on. On the other hand, her voice is pretty much awesome beyond description. I guess the fact that I have had it on my iPod rotation nonstop since I bought it means that I fall on the good side of the fence.#15 The Cab - Whisper War
: Dude, I know, I'm as surprised as you. Chalk it up to my weakness for NSYNC type boybands, or to these two ridiculously catchy singles Bounce and I'll Run. But it's a good CD, and at the end of the
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