- Did not stab the receptionist at the doctor's office who requested I come in for my appointment an hour early "because the doctor is already here," only to make me wait until later than 80 minutes after my scheduled appointment to get in to see him.
- Did not stab the doctor who saw me for 5 minutes, told me there was absolutely no reason to come in to his office (despite prevailing symptoms and other doctor referral), and then still charged me $8 million dollars (an estimate) for his (lack of) help.
- Did not track down and stab the tires of the 18-wheeler who tried (and mostly succeeded) to run me off the highway on the way back to my office, because the concept of looking to see if there is someone in the left hand lane next to him, or even goddamn signaling, was entirely beneath him.
- Did not stab a client through the phone after he got mad and bad-mouthed me to my boss for not acquiescing to his demand that I commit mortgage fraud for him.
- Did not stab the workers who dragged me across town, out of a meeting, to go unlock a door for them, only to call me back 30 minutes later, the second I made it back to my office, because they had locked themselves out again.
- Did not stab the Best Buy employee who adopted the most smug, condescending, assholish tone I have possibly ever heard when I asked him if they had a game in stock that he was unfamiliar with.
"Oh, I think you're thinking of another game on a different system. This "game" you're talking about doesn't exist." (fucking air quotes his, btw)
No, seriously, if you're going to be that condescending (protip: you should never be that condescending, unless you like getting stabbed) you had better know what the hell you're talking about. This game is real. It's not the same thing as what's included in this game. Please kindly go die in a fire. (Note: Remember, did not stab.)
For reals, I think I should totally get a medal. That takes some serious discipline.
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