Laundry Makes Jason Cry

You have to understand, I am not as ridiculous as I seem. The way it reads on paper is that I can barely function in the outside world without falling down or horribly embarrassing myself every 2 minutes. I'll have you know, I'm totally normal, things just seem larger on the internet.

That being said, I made a complete fool of myself on Sunday, in an order of magnitude that I don't usually face. So much so that I'm still sort of embarrassed about the whole situation, which is why it has taken 3 whole days to get out.

So Sundays rule. I just hang about, reading the paper, playing video games, and cooking up a minor storm. It's lots of fun and usually by the end of the day, I've gotten everything in the house clean, so's I can let the filth just pile up throughout the rest of the week.

One of the important tasks of most Sundays is laundry. Dear God. Let us begin.

[Scene 1 :Jason's apartment. Jason has finished cooking and has decided to do the laundry. He finds the laundry basket]
Jason: Okay, let's gather up all the laundry, shall we? Most definitely. [gathering] Wow, I do have a lot of socks don't I? For serious.

--A quick note: now that I live alone, I tend to have long and rambling conversations with myself as I go about my daily business. For the sake of realism, I'm including them in the scene, even though it makes me look like a complete wack-job. That is all.--

Jason [has gathered all the available clothes off the floor]: Hmm, is that everything? Laundry, detergent, quarters, keys. Yep, you're good to go.

[Ominous music plays in the background, for Jason has forgotten to change into his laundry day attire (namely his pajama bottoms). He leaves the house in normal Sunday attire. Dun dun dunnnn.]

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[Scene 2: Laundry room. Jason has appropriately placed all the colors in one machine, all the whites in another.]
Jason: Sweet, everything's ready to go. No wait! I'm still wearing the shorts I was cooking in earlier. I needed to wash these! Crap. I guess I'd better go change out of them and come back. Or maybe. . . [here Jason hatches what is most definitely the stupidest idea in the history of time and space. Anything that was ever used as a plot point in MTV's Undressed undoubtedly qualifies, as you will soon see]. . .maybe I can just grab my other pajama bottoms out of the washer here and just change right now. I mean, no one would see me and it would save me a precious 55 seconds of my life, walking there and back. I'm such a genius.

[Jason finds the pajamas in the washing machine then begins the quick change. Because it is Jason, as soon as he is halfway through the process (namely, in his underwear pulling out the pajamas) the Nice Girl from building #2 walks into the room. ]
Jason's Mind: OH SHIT!
Nice Girl [eyes wide, tries not to laugh]: Hi there.
Jason[turns entirely red]: Uhh, hi.
Nice Girl: So, definitely needed to laundry then? Really out of clothes? [Is sort of failing at the whole 'not laughing' thing]
Jason's Mind: Which option is worse, going to do the laundry in your underwear, or changing clothes in the laundry room? Is one of those really worse than the other? . . . How the hell do I end up in these situations? Crap, probably should have said something by now, or done anything besides just stand in the middle of the laundry room half naked. Is it too late to hide behind the washers until she leaves. Probably. Crap.
Jason [deciding that honesty is the best policy, especially since saying that he came to the laundry room in his underwear would mean walking out in public in his underwear]: Uhh, no, see I was cooking, right? And then I spilled avocados on my shorts? Not that avocados are liquid, I mean I had cut them up? And then they fell on my shorts? So I had to wash them? But I forgot to change? And then I had this idea?. . . [you get the idea. This continues on for quite sometime, as Jason is incapable of stopping the stream of babble coming from his mouth when he's this embarrassed and Nice Girl seems far too amused to try and stop him.]

Finally, blessedly, I managed to put on some pants, turn on the washers, say goodbye to obviously traumatized Nice Girl, and run the hell away from the laundry room and curl up in a little ball under my desk, never to see the light of day again. I'm pretty sure it'll only be a couple of days before I'm evicted for being Crazy Indecent Exposure Laundry Guy, but we shall see.