Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Shocking Revelation: Computers are Awesome

Last week I wrote about my Christmas extravagance when it has to do with my own selfishness - namely the purchase of a new monitor and video card to replace my current dying unit.

In stark contrast to the extravagance of the purchase itself, I bought both items online rather than in a store. Because the lure of cheap prices, no sales tax, and free shipping speak to my inner Scrooge even when I'm throwing away piles of money.

I am utterly unaccustomed to having to wait for large purchases to reach me by mail, though. If I order anything online, it's usually books or a game, nothing that has any immediacy to it. This thing, though... man. The guaranteed three business day shipping that traversed an entire weekend nearly ripped me to shreds. Having to wait for the results of my mad spending spree makes me infinitely quicker to regret said impulse purchase.

Also, I was still having to work with the old monitor, which by that point would take a liberal 20 minutes to even give me a picture. I attempted to leave the sad thing on for the entire weekend, but I need complete darkness to sleep apparently, and thus it was an untenable situation.

But oh my, on Monday the monitor arrived.

The only word for it was coined by Frank, upon seeing it for the first time: "Excessive."

It is the most excessive thing I have ever seen. 22 inches of wide screen glory that is sharper than I previously imagined possible on a monitor. When you maximize a FireFox window, less than half the screen has any content on it. I can now open full-sized pictures off my digital camera in Photoshop without the slightest bit of scaling. It's the most ridiculously over-the-top thing I've ever owned that is not my Jaguar.

Then yesterday the video card arrived. It's a more modest affair, a last generation card that has been thoroughly outpaced in the meantime. But for me - a guy who was running something that was last generation at least two generations ago - it's an ungodly upgrade.

And just to complete the orgy of spending, I went out and maxed out the RAM on my computer to go along with the rest of the upgrades. This one was less extravagant and more "Duh, why didn't you do that earlier," as RAM has apparently grown so cheap since the last time I bought some that they're almost giving it away. $25 was the total cost to max my ancient machine to its peak performance.

Y'all? I know I say "there are no words" a lot. But really. Suddenly I have an entirely new ultra-functional computer, with a hedonistic-ly ridiculous monitor, and the total cost to me was under $350 dollars.

As I was saying to someone yesterday, now I have no expectations whatsoever for Christmas this year, as just staring at my new ninja-like setup at my desk fills me with enough joy to eclipse even the most horrendous of gifts. I've reached a pure nerd-zenlike state.

Merry Christmas indeed, y'all!

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