There is a new and disturbing wrinkle in my daily routine, here in the land of mortgages and bored attorneys. The management of our office building has decided that there is but one thing that is truly missing from our total office experience - elevator music.
Because our elevators previously contained nothing but the comforting whir and clank of ancient cables inching their way up the stories, always wondering if this would be their final hurrah before they gave up, you would think that some level of music, no matter how banal, would be a welcome distraction from the question of impending doom that comes with each additional floor.
You would be wrong.
Because this music is loud. Incredibly loud. Ridiculously loud. So loud that I can hear it in my office. Which is down a long hallway, through a door, and across a lobby from the elevators. And it's not just elevator music. It is elevator music via a calliope/deranged carnival. Instead of muted Muzak, we've got jaunty carousel songs that sound just out of tune enough to put you in mind of pure evil. Seriously, my clown avoidance senses are off the charts at all times of the day now. It's utterly maddening.
Plus, to top it all off, they've patched it in to the downstairs lobby too, so you can hear it all the way from your car. Trust me, you haven't experienced horror until you've walked through a darkened parking garage with distorted carnival music echoing off the stone walls.
This is not my beautiful office life.
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