Belligerent and Numerous: Oh Yes. This Is Exactly What I Needed Right Now.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Oh Yes. This Is Exactly What I Needed Right Now.

A quick notice to whoever used the dryer in my apartment complex before me:

Watch your back.

Specifically, watch your back for a tiny guy in a bad mood who is wearing clothes that are completely covered in the multicolor glitter that was left in the dryer by your clothes earlier, causing him to have to go into work everyday for the foreseeable future looking gayer than goddamn Tinkerbell.

The results will not be pleasant for you.

Fair warning.

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While we are here.

To the makers of the new Ben Folds CD:

Whatever on Earth possessed you to make a dual disc CD/DVD combo that (according to the tiny, tiny letter box in the bottom right corner of the back of the jewel case) "not all DVD and CD players will play the audio side of this disc?"

Because yes, I totally bought a goddamn CD with the intention of never needing to actually LISTEN to it! I just like the look. It's like a coaster! Or a Frisbee! Or the shape of my bottled but quickly escaping rage at stupid stupid things that people do to ward off musical piracy. But guess what? It did the exact damn opposite thing, because I went out and downloaded every single song on the CD illegally. And I felt completely entitled to it, since I actually paid the money for them, but have no way of accessing them. Great job, that.

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And the only non-angry note of the day:

Kung Fu Hustle was completely and totally awesome. I loved the entire thing. It was like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but instead of a green sword and a sad/confusing ending, there was total awesomeness. And there was hustling! Actually, less Hustle and more Kung Fu than I would have liked, but nothing to complain about.

It really put me in an excellent mood. Right until I realized that I was going to be covered in glitter for the rest of my life-I'm serious watch your back anonymous dude from the laundry room someday when you least expect it I will be there and my wrath will be something to witness and it will involve glitter in a way that I have yet to determine.

Breathe, Jason, breathe.

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Where My Opinions Count

(500) Days of Summer - Let's start with the caveat that this movie is nothing but a stacked deck against me. You've got Joseph Gordon-Levitt (seriously my favorite actor in the world), in a funny role of a guy unsure of what he wants to do with his professional life while his love life is in constant turmoil. Oh, and Regina Spektor songs keep playing in the background. If there is such a thing as a movie marketed directly to me, this is it. But y'all, this movie is so good. Not in a traditional storyline sense. Or even in an acting sense (although JGL is on fire the entire way through). It's about the feeling it gives you - liberally borrowing from every cliche available - musicals, old black and white cinema, jumping timelines, everything - all working in concert to give you the feeling of a relationship as it ends, and the things you remember. The overrall impression is so great that I forgive the minor quibbles I have (hammy sidekicks are over the top, Zooey Deschanel is playing her stock character #2, much as she has for the last 4 things I've seen her in). This is my movie of the year, right here. Absolutely stunning.
Push - So much better than I was expecting that I may have wrapped myself so far around that I actually enjoyed it. There are some terrible, terrible parts (the Casio-grade Music of Love that they played every time that Chris Evans and Camilla Belle were in the same room, for instance). But Dakota Fanning was pretty great, and I'm up for anything that gives Cliff Curtis or Ming-Na more work. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's kinda too bad that it tanked - I could totally be up for a sequel.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - Got my nerd on and wrote a whole boring essay on it.
Let The Right One In - A good movie that gets better the more I think on it. Despite being a mildly gory vampire movie, it's surprisingly subtle. They don't try to hit you over the head with anything, it's all underplayed. The mother's soft neglect, the father's hints of homosexuality, even the parallels that can be drawn between particular characters - nothing jumps out at you. That, combined with the natural way that Oskar and Eli's relationship is handled, paints something like a real life picture that just happens to have a vampire somewhere in there. It's more than a little unsettling, especially the way the bullying keeps escalating as the movie continues. Overall, the movie's a little methodical for my tastes (I like my supernatural horror scary, not just ungodly depressing) but it's undeniably a great film.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - So bad I exceeded the character limit. If you care enough: Go Here
The Hangover - Delightfully vulgar and meandering. That's pretty much my the sum of my thoughts. "Genuinely and shockingly funny" is another soundbyte I could add in there as well. After seeing his Fiona Apple music video, I always assumed Zach Galifianakis would remain an unacknowledged American treasure forever, since the combination of that plus his standup act had still left him in obscurity against all odds. But I am gleefully overjoyed to be proven wrong. May he blossom and go on to larger-scale fame. He made this movie.