Theory

Through careful study and evaluation, I have come up with a detailed decision-making model that should benefit all mankind.

The important issue it covers? How To Decide If You Should Date Someone.

How To Decide If You Should Date Someone

Step 1: First you must realize that all people can be ranked somewhere on a Scale of Attractiveness To You. This scale is set up 1 - 10, (you can use decimal places if you're that much of a nerd). It is primarily physically based, (scales of attraction are inherently shallow) but you should also consider other intangibles such as fame, and other tangibles, such as money and/or the car he drives, to come up with a complete attractiveness rating.

For example, while Bill Gates may look like a reject from the Statewide 5th Graders Science Fair, the sheer amount of money he has bumps him up to an 8 on my scale. (And if you're one of those people to whom money is not attractive...what are you doing reading this?)

The scale is something like this:

10 - Incredibly attractive, your ideal person
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5 - Moderately attractive, whatever your "pretty cute" classification is.
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1 - Just barely passes the test for attractiveness, in that you wouldn't kick them out of bed, necessarily, as long as you can keeps the lights off.

Obviously this leaves no room for people you find unattractive. Why would you consider dating someone you weren't attracted to? (Remember, we've already factored in the money to the attractiveness.)

Step 2: The Insanity Scale. Every person in the world has some measure of inherent craziness to them. Trust me, even if they seem like the most well-adjusted person in the world, there is something hiding, just waiting to come out. Thus, when considering a potential SO, you must also rate them on the 1 -10 craziness scale.

1 - Seemingly completely normal, the insanity is quite dormant.
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5 - Pretty crazy, holds several irrational beliefs, or has a nervous tic, or likes Carrot Top, things like that.
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10 - Batshit crazy, believes the gamma people have his house staked out, or bears an eerie resemblance to Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.

You can consider general personality traits here (he's boring, or tells jokes that aren't funny) but this should be primarily an insanity meter, not a personality test. This isn't a formula for compatibility, it's one for date-ability.
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Note: For this test to be completely accurate, you must understand that scoring a 10 on the Attractiveness scale is incredibly hard. All ideals must be met, otherwise the system will fail. Conversely, it does not take much to get high up on the Insanity Scale, because people are all kinds of wacked out. Plus insanity is a lot more objective, so there's less room for fudging on insanity.

Step 3: Take the attractiveness score and divide it by the insanity score. As long as the resulting number is 1 or greater, congratulations, you've picked a winner! Date in good health. Anything less than 1, you're just wasting your time. Too much cost, not enough benefit.

For example: Say you've got this guy. A solid 7.6 on the Attractiveness (very cute, plus drives a BMW), and a 5.3 on Insanity (it seems like he has too close a relationship with his mother, and he's a little too into birdwatching). 7.6 / 5.3 = 1.43. His attractiveness outweighs his quirks, go ahead, date away.

Example #2: Angelina Jolie. A 9.7 on the Hottness scale (girl is smokin', rich, and famous), but a full on 10.00 in Craziness (Adopted Cambodian baby, vial of Billy Bob Thorton blood around her neck, makes out with her brother at award ceremonies). 9.7/10.0 = .97. Sorry, Angelina, it's just not gonna work out. Don't care how hot you are, pure craziness trumps all.

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And that is that.

Actually, there is one other factor.

Step 4: Give yourself the test. If your score is below the 1.0 mark, you have three options. 1) Go see a therapist and get that Insanity score down. 2) Go to a plastic surgeon (or a car dealership), and get that Attractiveness score up. 3) Lower your cutoff to match your own score. That way two 0.459's can find love together.

Huzzah! Now that is that.

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The only difficulties with this theory lie in making sure you can spot all the insanity clues early enough to get a correct reading. I advise asking early in the relationship "Are you crazy?" Any answer that is remotely affirmative immediately adds 5 points to whatever you already have as an Insanity score. Also, check their room for any shrines to celebrities or yourself, and make sure they don't talk to themselves too much. Watch out for odd collections and hobbies, as these are often outward indicators of interior madness.

Anyway, use the theory in good health and let me know if there are any tweaks I need to include in future revisions.

Happy Relationship Hunting!