It's time again for Things in Popular Culture That Disturb Jason.
I've already gone over that Levi's commercial that freaks the bejesus out of me, (which, by the way, is on all the damn time nowadays) and how incredibly wrong and creepy it is. But it turns out that it's not just this commercial that disturbs me, but pretty much any commercial where inanimate things come to life to terrorize innocent consumers.
My cases on point are both Juicy Fruit commercials, probably both conceived by the same twisted, sadistic mind. The first is the one where the donkey pinata comes to life during some kid's birthday party and starts attacking some poor child because it wants the gum that she just beat out of it's body returned to it.
Seriously, that's all kinds of messed up. I mean, I'm a generally well-adjusted 22 year-old (okay, that's a lie, but follow along) and it truly disturbs me. I imagine any child who saw this would nurse a fear of pinatas well into adulthood. Not that I imagine it would be very debilitating (how many times does the subject of pinatas come up in everyday conversation?) but still - bad form, juicy Fruit, bad form.
Second, this other Gum Commercial From Hell, wherein these high school kids are learning CPR and the freakin' CPR dummy comes to life to get at this kid's gum, directly out of the guy's mouth! First of all, EWW! Second, What. The. Fuck? From his mouth? What kind of pervy CPR dummy is this?
(It completely cracks me up, though, that they put up a warning on the bottom of the screen: Never Do CPR While Chewing Gum. Well obviously, or the person/thing you're doing it on will try to mug you for it. Wasn't that the message you were trying to get across?)
Okay, granted I obviously have more issues with this than anyone else in the world, but how is this supposed to make you want to buy their gum? Our gum is so good, inanimate objects leap to sentience and will invade your mouth for a chance to make it their own! Hoo Boy! Sign me up!
What's next? A ventrioquist's dummy pulls a knife on his puppeteer to take the gum? Just go all the way and imply that objects are willing to kill you for the gum. That will definitely bring in the customers! (Aside: I am totally kidding, Juicy Fruit people. I will lose my mind if I see a commercial where a psychotic dummy comes to life. I'm already scarred forever by that episode of Buffy.)
At least at the end of this commercial, the CPR dummy crashes into a car and dies - we are sure that the menace has ended, so long as the children never eat gum again.
Jesus.
--------------------------------
The last thing I want to discuss that disturbs me is less emotional-scarring-for-life disturbing and more shocking-witness-to-a-train-wreck-can't-look-away disturbing. Namely, the Christina Aguilera cover of the 70's song Car Wash, which of late is on the radio all the damnable time. At first I was slightly pleased by the campy-throwback nature of the song. "La-la-la, Working at a Car Wash, Woo! We're having Fun!"
The more I hear it, the more I'm disturbed/fascinated by the sheer sincerity of Christina's devotion to this song. She believes in this car wash, and shows it by rocking out without a hint of sarcasm or irony. Missy Elliot could almost be forgiven, since everything she's ever done has this level of over-the-top-ness. But Christina, my dear, Lady Marmalade at least had the stripping, whorish aspect going for it. This whole Car Wash thing is just embarrassing. And cheesy in a not-at-all-good way.
Unless the music video is nothing more than a chance for Christina to stage a one-woman wet t-shirt contest. In that case, I say "Bravo Miss Aguilera, you never fail to find a way to appeal to your target demographic."
(PS - Dear Christina, I'm just giving you the business, you know that I love you. People say I dress trashy too. We have so much in common. We are beautiful, no matter what they say. We should totally do a duet sometime.
Love, Jason)
No comments:
Post a Comment