Words of Warning

Because I am terrible at blogging nowadays, I present a bullet style list of warnings that I wish I had read prior to the last 5 days. It would have saved me a ton of grief.

• Just because an elevator door is shiny and reflective like a mirror, that does not mean that you should actually use it as a mirror to get a close-up examination of that weird spot on your nose. Because if you're not paying attention and the door opens up while you're doing so, you may terrify the harmless people who are attempting to board the elevator and are instead confronted by your giant face right at the door.
  
  
• (But really, if instead you're one of those harmless people, how's about you leave some space for people who are on the elevator to get out, hm? I'm not saying that you deserved a huge helping of Jason-face right up close and personal, but I refuse to take all the blame.)
  
  
• There is a key and vital difference between the phrase "virtually free" and the word free. Focus on that difference before signing anything, or spending a lot of time with a salesman using such phrases. Because they are trying to rip you off.
  
  
• If you're having fun at a bar people-watching, particularly the one guy who is hitting on the female bouncer in an hilarious/depressing manner, be very careful to watch yourself. Because you never know when said guy is going to choke on his drink due to a vigorous bout of dancing and be compelled to spit on the sidewalk, coincidentally right where your unguarded foot may be. Alternately, ignoring all the rest of the above, just never wear flip-flops to a bar.
  
  
• Also, maybe you should go get a tetanus shot. And an STD test. Because seriously, gross.