Madness

“God, I hate that Todd kid soooo much. Please make him make this free-throw or smite him from the face of the Earth. Amen.”

And with that, so begins my descent into March Madness that always hits around this time of year. I spend three days agonizing over selections and then use the next week and a half to question my sanity at the time of picking.

Because, seriously, why did I pick Nevada? I hate Nevada. And I especially hate that Todd kid from Nevada. And yet, I am suddenly forced to stand there and request intercession from God for him. Insanity, right?

Oh! And Texas? What on Earth was I thinking? You never go with Texas! Choking is part of their genetic makeup, no matter what the sport. Everyone knows this. My grandmother who hasn’t been to a sporting event in 42 years knows this. And yet there they sit in my Elite 8. Saints preserve us, my brain is missing.

But I went a very different way this year, in hopes that I could remove some stress from my life. 1) Quit picking Arizona to win it all. You’ll just end up crying and gnashing your teeth in the end. 2) Don’t vote against a team just because you hate one of the players (That one didn’t turn out to be such a good idea, as we see above). 3) Don’t vote for a team just because you think one of the players is cute (although that was an excellent strategy last year).

Alas, these aids did not seem to work, as it’s only the first day and I’m already all discombobulated about the whole thing. Case in point: At the current moment, DePaul is trying to give me a second ulcer by not giving Diener the ball and missing 10 straight free throws. Stop it DePaul, right now. Don’t make me go get God.

But it’s still a great time of year. So much drama, tension and ridiculous color commentary from the sportscasters. That guy totally just said “That’s some nice backdoor action right there.” You can’t make that shit up.

This year there is seemingly much less pressure, since the only pool I’m in is the one for our hall and the entry fee was just one canned good. Not that it really matters, I’m so easily excitable that I’d probably end up throwing things at the TV even if there was no pool. And I really want that DVD player that is the grand prize. Eh, maybe getting the blood up is good for my metabolism. I am much hungrier than usual.

So as the week goes on, think positive thoughts about: Texas not choking (haha), Wisconsin somehow beating a bunch of people (seriously, insanity must run in my family...oh yeah), and Kentucky triumphing over all. Sigh. I need more Rolaids. And possibly a CAT scan.