I'm Better Indoors

Sometimes in life, it’s better just to stay in your room. For me, “sometimes” means always. When I go outside, bad things tend to happen. Rarely do embarrassing, painful, or…um… horribly embarrassing things go on when I’m in my room. Despite this knowledge, I went out on three separate occasions on this, my weekend of total rest. Each of these were undertaken for some sort of dire need, either food or project meetings, so the risk was calculated to be worth it.

Sadly, the calculation was mistaken.

The first trip was fine. Nothing horrible happened, save my lip getting stuck to a delicious Rainbow Pop™ that I got from the cafeteria. The pain was worth it, however, as Rainbow Pops™ are one of those things that I love so much that they get their own special allowances for pain.

Emboldened by this successful outing, I made a second trip for food the next day. Around 1:30 in the afternoon on Saturday, I woke up and was hungry. I decided that food would be mine, but didn’t really feel like working for it. So I wander over to Blimpie for a little sandwich action. As I’m coming back, I see a large group of people wandering in my direction. Apparently it is one of those high school recruiting days, as there are hordes of little-ish teenagers and their parents descending on Hughes-Trigg.

Have I mentioned that I hate all children? Because, sadly enough, I do. But teenagers hold a special place in my heart. And that special place is full of even more hate. There are numerous reasons for this. One in particular being what happened during this adventure.

So, I’m headed back to my room, minding my own business. There approaches a small family unit of a mom, dad, and son who seem to be having some sort of argument. I don’t get much of it, but I get the gist. Allow me to recreate:

MOM: (shocked about something) Jeremy! You need to be more respectful. This is a Christian university. They won’t put up with that sort of thing.

JEREMY(one assumes): What-eva, Mom! Look at that guy (points at me)! He is obviously hung-over! And it’s 2:00 in the afternoon! No one cares! Christian university, my ass.

MOM: JEREMY!

Now yes, I was still in my pajamas. And yes, my hair was uncombed and pointing in 5000 directions. And yes, I was unshaven, wearing sandals, glasses askew, and looking down toward the ground with an annoyed expression while rubbing my forehead.

But that does not mean I am hung-over! I am just very lazy. Damn high school kids, trying to give me a bad name. You’ll know when I’m hung-over, by God!

Um, yeah. So that’s it. Actually, on the third time I went out, I fell down very comically in a big pile of leaves outside the engineering school. But really, my exploits of falling down are just getting pretty ludicrous, so we’ll skip that part. Suffice it to say, I should never go outdoors. Ever. We’ll see how that goes.