The Waiting

Summarily presented by the three cups of chocolate infused coffee that I've consumed this morning, I give you the list of things that one can do while impatiently waiting for their auto loan to fund so they can take possession of their new car and finally free themselves from their un-airconditioned iron and steel coffin that was once a truck of malfunction:

• Obsessively check the status page on your web application every ten minutes, waiting for the condition of "Funding" to change to "Funded".
• Try to actually do your job.
• Fail at doing your job by inserting as many Freudian slips as possible in a business setting. ("So you'll take possession of the car -- I mean house, sorry - on the 14th, and you'll be driving in -- wait, moving in -- by the 15th... Cars. What? Nothing.")
• Call the loan department of the bank to make sure the check has been sent out.
• Call the loan department back again, just to make sure that the check is going directly to the dealership.
• Call the loan department one more time, to double check that they have the address of the dealership transcribed correctly.
• Check the status page again.
• Call the dealer (again), let them know to give you a call as soon as they have the check to arrange a pickup time.
• Awkwardly acknowledge that, yes, we have had this conversation a few times before.
• Drive to lunch in your metal oven, constantly cursing, wondering how you have managed to go something like 10 years in this truck without committing suicide, or melting into a puddle of flesh.
• Have 20 minute long internal debate on whether or not driving the equivalent of a sweat box the majority of your life has contributed to your overall thinness.
• Decide that you don't care.
• Eat some chicken nuggets.
• Promise yourself that you won't eat anything in the new car.
• Ever.
• Drive back to work, hit a pothole and feel as if your teeth are going to rattle out of your skull.
• Do a little dance in acknowledgement that this will not be a problem in your new car.
• Apologize to the truck for rubbing the fact that it's getting replaced in its face.
• Check the status page again.
• Cry.
• Go look at the pictures online of your new car.
• Delight in the sunroof.
• Wish that there were more pictures of the interior.
• Have second thoughts about going into such massive debt in order to be able to drive to and from work in relative luxury.
• Go outside for 20 seconds to remind yourself exactly why an air conditioned car is worth the debt.
• Try to decide if you should carry over your stuffed animal that currently sits on the dashboard of the truck to the new car.
• Internal debate on whether stuffed animal in a car is childish or whimsical. Or gay.
• Probably gay.
• Wonder if someone would really try to hate crime a new car, just because it has a gay stuffed animal in the window.
• Go back and look at the pictures again, maybe the color of the car is too vibrant. (Might also be a consideration re: The Gay.)
• Do a RBG color comparison of the pictures of the new car versus a picture of your old truck to determine exactly how much brighter a red the new car is. (Answer: 87 additional points in the red scale, 10 on the green, 12 on the blue).
• Wonder what the hell that even means, and why you did it. Question sanity.
• Wikipedia the car's make, read up on the illustrious history of the brand.
• Get distracted by clicking wiki links, end up at the etymology page on the word euhemeristic.
• Again question sanity.
• Shrug.
• Check the status page again...