Head of Household Hunting?

Alright, so I'm moving in exactly 56 days. This sounds, in my mind, like a ton of time.

Only, after extensive consideration, it's totally not.

Break it down! (like in that song, except math instead of dancing):

• 9 days to officially declare that I'm vacating my lease. (47 days left)
• 7 days for the application/credit processing (40 days left)
• 14 days subtracted to make sure we have a house in place two weeks ahead of moving time and don't end up without a place to live and have to resort to freeway overpasses for shelter. (26 days)

That's 26 days (or 3.7 weeks) to scour Dallas and all the surrounding areas for a house that meets my exacting criteria and will still accept Frnak and me as tenants. Other words: Less than 1 month to find both a perfect house and a gullible-enough landlord to accept the shiftiest guy on the planet and a Borders employee as trustworthy. Factor in the (outlandishly) high costs of living in Dallas proper and the current (monstrous) energy expenses with summer coming up and what do you get? Someone call Felicity and that Crazy Couch Jumping Guy, what we have here is one of those Mission: Impossible scenarios.

It's not all horror, deadlines, and plummeting bank accounts, though. Looking at houses is a really heady, powerful feeling. And we're not even buying, we're just renting a place for a year. But the idea of even semi-ownership of any size space is really intoxicating. The first house I went to visit, I almost swooned right there on the porch when the realtor explained that the whole yard would be mine.

I now totally see why emperors always end up corrupted. Just the thought of ruling over a 15x15 plot of bermuda grass had me dreaming about planting a flag and expansively gesturing with big arm flourishes while saying something about being a "master of all I survey." I would totally do that at least 2 times a day, every day after we moved in, until Frnak stabbed me with a dagger or killed me with ear poison while I slept. (As is the end of all awesome emperors.)

Also totally sweet about a new house? Decorating and furniture arrangement! I don't know why, probably a deep-seated combination of my father's genes and my homo-tendencies, but both of those things just fill me with joy. I've been watching that A&E show Sell This House religiously for about 2 months now, and it is just the best thing on TV that's not How I Met Your Mother. I am enthralled by all their machinations and can't wait to try it out for myself.

Oh man.

What if I was allowed to paint the walls in the new place? I got goosebumps just typing that out.

Y'all can bet that when this whole ordeal is finally complete and I've moved into the new place, there will be a housewarming party of epic proportions, the likes of which no one has ever seen and lived to tell the tale.

Or, y'know, I'll be broke and living in a cardboard box under the 635 overpass, drinking Wild Turkey out of a brown paper bag.

Either way: Drunk and awesome!