Lately I have been absolutely methodical in my never ending efforts not to bite my nails. This had been greatly facilitated by the fact that a dentist has spent most of last month drilling around amongst my teeth, thus necessitating a brief respite from anything resembling enough jaw power to cut through soft bread, let alone pure cuticle.
But now that my mouth is whole again, I find myself losing the battle yet again. Just now I was lax and not practicing constant vigilance against my subconscious, and thus began gnawing away at my thumbnail, like some sort of misanthropic beaver. And somehow I managed to split the thumbnail vertically along the quick in such a way as to cause the most pain possible, per pure acreage of painful area. And as such, the pain can only be described as. . . exquisite. It's a level of pain that I've discussed before at length, something that is just beyond the grasp of mortal words to explain, yet close enough that you feel compelled to try.
But it is wholly distilled, pain concentrated and strained carefully by Tibetan monks at high altitudes to preserve only the most painful parts, carefully passed down across the centuries and generations, each adding their own knowledge to the sum total wisdom of pain extraction until near perfection is reached, and then delivered down unto you in just such a way as to make you doubt your own sanity and purpose in life. Right there in the palm of your hand, or more specifically, on the back of your thumb.
Thus: OW. Fucking OW.
4 comments:
Usually, it's a good thing to have all those nerve endings in your fingers.
As you're probably aware, there's bitter stuff you can paint on your nails to help you break the habit. You can also carry something else to chew, like a bit of dried licorice root. If you can find one that's the size of a cigarette, it won't look all that weird to your friends and co-workers.
There's also the "something else to do with your fingers" angle. Knitting's great for that, but obviously it's not for everyone. Worry beads, worry stones, pocket rosaries, etc., are also good. Another possibility is that you can get a book on simple coin tricks, and get into the habit of practicing your moves whenever your hands are free.
Finally: consider getting professional manicures. If you don't have unkempt nails and ragged cuticles, there'll be less temptation to chew on them.
tnh
painting nails? chewing? knitting?! mannies??!!
Jason's already feminine enough. I am seen with this person sometimes! hehe.
PS. Jason, that entry is a tad bit wordy. Are you trying to appear smart or what?
Hey, I use big words when I'm in pain. Distracts the mind from all the curses. Um, not that it necessarily worked in this case.
And in any case, I do believe it was you who brought up the subject of knitting a couple of days ago. Why must you be so full of hate all sudden-like?
Also, I'm totally going to get a book on coin tricks. It will be my new hook.
And if it stops me from biting my nails, well double bonus.
Perhaps you'd like to try using a nail polish. There's one with really awful taste, just to prevent nail biting. I know someone who uses it. Except, it might not be manly for a guy to use.
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