Training Day

As you may or may not know, I finally found a job. Yes, all that studying in high school and university, those all-nighters and 40 page research papers, all that networking and those countless hours honing my keen interview skills lo these many years has finally paid off. In the form of a secretarial job.

From part-time carnie to full-time secretary. You’ve come a long way, baby.

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So score.

Right?

Not so fast.

For you see, I have neglected to mention the little fact that I am a frickin’ horrible secretary. On my first day of training, trying to work through the Byzantine phone system in the office, I managed to disconnect no less than 8 callers. Considering I only had 10 calls the entire day, we’ll take that as a loss, I suppose.

I also managed to almost destroy the office server, as well as take out the entire building switchboard, when I tripped going into the computer room and ran headlong into the fuse array.

Add to that the part where I almost got towed in the parking garage and was then rear-ended while leaving said garage, I’d call it a pretty complete day.

Oh, but just wait.

So after work I had to go return some pants that I had bought for work the previous day. (For some reason I find that while I’m okay with the first three pairs of 30X30’s, the fourth pair is a bit tough to manage at 36X30. A bit wide in the hips, perhaps.) I head over to the mall where I bought them, battling traffic and just a bit pissed off with the world, considering my day thus far. Particularly with drivers in Dallas (see: rear-ending above) but also not pleased with the world in general.

Anyway, I get to the store and make my exchange very quickly, the sales lady is awesome about the whole thing. I’m suddenly feeling better. That’s short-lived. As I’m making my way out of the store, I have to travel through the makeup area to get into the mall.

[Scene: The Makeup Counter. Apparently it’s a bad time, there are boxes everywhere. Jason clumsily picks his way across the room. Unfortunately, he manages to choose the same path as a little old lady who is coming in the opposite direction.]

Jason: Sorry, ma’am. I’ll back up. [he carefully backtracks through the boxes, almost but not quite falling several times]

Jason [steps aside but still in secretary mode]: Have a nice day!

[The woman, this sweet-looking little grandmotherly type, looks over with a scowl. She flips Jason off and then shuffles on, leaving him standing there shocked.]

Now at this moment, I must confess I did entertain some unhealthy thoughts. Mostly centered around tripping. field tackling, or throwing something at this crazy woman. Somehow, I’m still not sure on the details, I suppressed these urges and made it back home without killing a single soul. Except perhaps my own.

Thus I survived Training Day One, but just barely. Only 15 more of those, followed by another 365 regular days left.

I’ve come a long way indeed.

I miss the carnival.