Fall From Grace

In honor of the fact that just 4 days ago I commented that I hadn't done anything clumsy in at least a month, and was thinking about changing my About Me line.

I brought my lunch in to work, because I knew I had a closing that would be funding around noon. It was a good lunch: fruit cup, chocolate chip granola bar, 4 mini frosted donuts, and a can of coke. I tend to think of diabetes as an eventuality in my life.

At the tail end of my consumption, after I had finished all the food and was just working on the Coke, I had a phone call and needed to reference some paperwork at my desk. I shifted around so I would have the phone cradled in the crook of my neck and could hold the two pieces of paper I needed. After I gave over the relevant information on the file, the caller put me on hold while they went to confirm my information.

In my infinite wisdom at that point I set down one of the pieces of paper and take a drink of the Coke. Unfortunately I wasn't paying adequate attention, because instead of lining up the popped top with my mouth, I approached it at a 90 degree angle, which spilled a crazy ton of Coke all down the front of my nice white dress shirt. Unfortunate-er, the Coke then started to pool on my desk chair, rapidly soaking my crotch.

Thinking quickly, I set down both the Coke and the paper, and leaned forward while reaching down to raise myself up off the chair with both my hands. It was a more than a little awkward, but as I couldn't well stand up while still having the phone up against my ear, it was a workable solution, I thought.

More unfortunately still, though, I didn't stop to think that my desk chair was on wheels, and that my arms are much less stable than my lap. I overbalanced on my arms and the chair went shooting backwards out from under me. With nothing holding me up and already leaning forward, I fantastically thumped, forehead first, into the edge of my desk with my entire body weight.

The phone then popped out from my shoulder and knocked me in the eye on my way down to the floor. I was just sort of lying there stunned for about a second, until my desk chair came rolling back up to me, having rebounded off the desk behind me. Such was the force of the initial push. It lightly bumped up against my shoulder. . . and the puddle of Coke it contained sloshed over the side of the seat and directly onto my face.

And as I was laying there, covered in soda, with no doubt a huge bruise forming on my forehead and possibly my eye, I could vaguely hear the tinny sound of the person on the phone, from the dangling receiver: "I-i-is anyone there? I thought I hear a crash."