Marketing Shill

It's been a while since I did one on those weird posts where I go on and on about things I'm currently addicted to, right? I feel like doing one today.

Current Musical Obsession: The Hush Sound - Like Vines

Y'all, I have no explanation for my love of this CD. Normally my music reviews are unintelligible as a rule, but this time I don't even have a genre to reference. It's definitely not rock, it's doesn't even really feel like traditional pop. Maybe pop-rock, but even lighter, or punk-pop with a softer edge.

Frankly, the closest thing I can think of is a cross between Ben Folds and the Dresden Dolls, only totally different.

Whatever, why do I even try? It's a great CD, super short (like 35 minutes) and I have listened to it approximately 25 times in the last week.

Current Video Game Obsession - Picross DS

Take a square grid - 10x10, 15x15, or 20x20 - and delimit along the edge of each row and column of the grid the order and length of its filled-in squares. When you have followed those rules for every row and column, a picture will be formed.

Everyone has played Picross before, right?

This game combines everything great about that game, only it's easier than ever because you can use the stylus pen to fill in all the information, and there are tons and tons of themes for how each grid is filled in. Also, the game is only $20 and has so many puzzles that I've been working through them every day for more than two months and still haven't finished them all.

Easily the most game for my money since I bought that used copy of Smash Brothers for the Gamecube like 5 years ago.

Current TV Obsession(s), Ranked in Increasing Order of Enthusiasm

• How I Met Your Mother - My fervor continues unabated
• Pushing Daisies - Yeah, we've gone over it, but also add on They Might Be Giants to that list of my button-pushing issues. God, I love this show.
• Ugly Betty - Still good but mostly forgettable. Except! Gay dating so cute that I grew reflexively bitter just watching it, considering my current travails. Still, so nice, and organic, and *swoon*.
• Dirty Sexy Money - Donald Sutherland gave the best line reading I've ever heard in my entire life this week, and the only thing he said was "Justin Timberlake?" You had better be watching this show. (Oh, and did I mention that the resident heartthrob on show sang a drunken karaoke version of All By Myself, wearing nothing but a pair of boxer-briefs, while standing on the Brooklyn Bridge? Because he did.)
• The Office - Absolutely the best returning show this fall. Less painfully awkward than we've come to expect, and I think it's better for it. Also, I think I have a literal emotional investment in the Jim/Pam relationship. That's not healthy, y'all.

Current Personal Obsession - Turning 26

Twenty-six, you guys. Otherwise known as The Downslope to Thirty. The depression, it is like a deep, deep well. You've got a little over nine days to prepare yourselves for birthday week, when I will more than likely offer up my very own rendition of the above-mentioned scene from Dirty Sexy Money - better than half naked, smashed, and belting out All By Myself to a crowd mostly unconcerned well-wishers. Although probably not on the Brooklyn Bridge.

How I Met Paranoia

Okay, so I'll assume everyone watched How I Met Your Mother last night, because why wouldn't you? I mean, it's awesome.

So since you watched it, you know that the show has officially hit its hilarious stride again after floundering for a couple episodes to start the third season. This was the fifth episode of the year, titled How I Met Everyone Else, wherein Ted recounts to a new girlfriend the various ways he was introduced to the whole gang.

This functions as a wonderful plot device, and has the side effect of letting us see college Ted with the crazy hair and decorative spectacles, an image that never fails to crack me up. But the biggest laughs of the night come from Barney's Hot/Crazy Scale, which is the device he uses to determine the date-ability of girls, wherein a potential mate must have a hotness to crazy ratio of at least 1:1 to fall in the datable realm.

Which is funny, right? I mean, I should know - seeing as I wrote that exact post, 3 years ago! (Which has since been spammed to hell and back, btw.) Granted mine did not have a fancy air-drawn graph, or the hottness of Neil Patrick Harris doing the explaining. But the math is right there! I even provided (provode? provided.) examples! (See show? I can steal jokes too.)

Dammit, TV! Quit digging through my life for your plotlines!


(And yes, I'm aware that now I look completely crazy, as this is two consecutive posts detailing how the magic box in my living room is stealing my ideas and presenting them as its own. Just leave me to my rantings.)

Self Involvement at Its Peak

Do you ever get the feeling your whole life is a small part of a gigantic Truman Show-like experiment? Plenty of people have told me they get these notions, when it seems like life is catering to their needs seemingly more so than would an unforgiving natural world. In simpler, less-media soaked times I would assume people would chalk it up to religion, fate, karma, or whatever.

Usually I don't get these feelings, primarily because my life is boring almost all of the time, and if there was a show based around me, it would have been cancelled ages ago.

That said, I think there's a 70% chance that the new television show Pushing Daisies was created specifically with me in mind. As in, someone sat down and polled my friends, read my blog, tracked down my myspace, and then secretly observed me from the nearby bushes for several days until they had a nice long list of things that appeal to me. Then they took said list and combined all the items in such a way as to make me entirely unable to look away from an utterly ridiculous show about a man who brings people back from the dead (but only for 60 seconds).

Don't believe me? Take a look at a list of major and minor plot points from just the first three episodes:

• Cute boy with an unrelentingly amazing smile (my one true weakness)
• Tons of Pie (no wait, that's my one true weakness)
• Small, dark-haired, earnestly-optimistic-pretty girl (we've gone over my issues with the whole Regina Spektor, Zooey Deschanel, Mary-Louise Parker thing, right?)
• Difficulties with physical closeness
• Accents
• Musicals (particularly featuring Wicked and/or Olivia Newton-John)
• Cheeses
• Beaver themed t-shirts
• (Also, the term "Beaver Boy" used in the non-entendre way that is usually reserved for myself)
• Appallingly sappy love stories
• Big-time vocabulary words and resulting wordplay and puns (The Pie Hole. Seriously.)
• Eating disorders

Okay, I'll give you the fact that many of these things are pretty universally loved (or experienced), on their own. But all taken together at once? Unlikely. Many a gay boy may love his musicals, cute guys, and love stories, but would he also like beavers and big vocabularies? A gourmand who is a nature lover might adore pie, cheese, and have an affinity for beavers and other aquatic mammals, but probably wouldn't be a big musical fan.

What I'm saying is that if it's not directly aimed at me, it's targeting a very, very tiny slice of a demographic that I happen to reside in.

I do take comfort in the fact that there are some quirks to the show which are not directly tailored to me, which gives hope to my non-paranoid side. There is a feature of knitting, which does not apply to me (I can only crochet), and there is the bit with the one-eyed mermaid aunts (so far as I know, I have no relatives in the side-show industry, disfigured or otherwise. I did have that stint as a carny, but I don't think that counts).

Anyways, mostly what this boils down to is that I love this show so much that it hurts. It almost feels like narcissism - loving this show is like loving a part of myself - but without most of the gross connotations that usually brings up.

So that means that all y'all should watch it. Because you're entertained by me, right? Therefore it stands to reason that the show will also entertain you. Although you may go into a diabetic coma from the resulting sweetness. (That's the other thing that doesn't really fit - I'm waaay more jaded than this show. But it's still early. I was once idealistic too. Give it until sweeps to get dark.)

Oh, and also if any future episodes center around badminton, I'm officially going to sue. I'm pretty sure they've got one of those disclaimers that runs during the credits about any similarities to people living or dead being purely coincidental, but one more match and I bet I could convince a panel of 12 people that I'm not that crazy.

My Kingdom for a Hot Spring and a Question

The hot water main that runs directly below my building in my apartment complex exploded sometime early in the morning yesterday. As my HOA association/maintenance regulators are apparently some type of sloth/human hybrids, they did not get around to calling public works on this matter until about 4:00 that afternoon. Which meant that my condo has been without hot water for just over 29 hours as of this writing.

Do you know how many vital parts of my life are dependent on hot water? Way more than I ever stopped to consider. No hot water means: no shaving without ridiculous pain. No shower that I could make it through without shattering all my teeth from the constant chattering. Only the Cold/Cold option available on the washer, even when I'm doing my white t-shirts that really benefit from a hot cycle. No using my neti pot to clear up my horrifying sinuses. (Which, btw, I've somehow become entirely dependent on, if the utterly clogged nature of my nose today is any indication. Oh, and the crippling pain from the sinus headache. As soon as I try and be nice and do something helpful for my body, it immediately becomes wickedly lazy and refuses to do that job anymore. My body is stupid and teenager-ish.)

If I get home tonight and I don't have the ability to take a long, hot, luxurious, and super-girly shower, I'm going to go on a rampage unlike midtown Dallas has ever seen. You'd best not come between me and my exfoliation routine. My skin is a trainwreck as is. I'll end you just as soon as look at you.

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A Question of Etiquette:

Say you're in a public bathroom at a urinal and someone in a nearby stall answers their cell phone, starting up a business call. While they're... well you know.

Is it rude to just haul off and flush when you're finished with your task? I mean, it's not like it's your fault that some fool has the manners of a wild dingo. But at the same time, do you need to bust him so hard like that, dropping a gigantic "He's on the can!" anvil in the middle of his conversation? Or if it's a just a real quick Q&A call that isn't going to last more than 30 seconds? And what if it's a really important call and the caller gets offended that it's being conducted in a not-fully-sanitized location? It's not like an unflushed urinal is going to be that much of a hassle to anyone, right?

But on the other hand, common decency means not answering your phone at that particular moment, no?

I had a 25 second crisis of conscience on this exact subject earlier today. I know what I did, but I really wonder what the proper response should have been.

Thoughts? Opinions?

Paring Down, for the Good of Mankind (and Your Brain)

I have gone out into the TV fields, striking down those that disappoint, and nurturing those with promise. Behold the results of the culling! May you delight in the good, join in lament of the fallen, and laugh bitterly at how much I hate Grey's Anatomy now.

Monday!

What to Watch:

• How I Met Your Mother (CBS 7:00-7:30) - Okay, so this season is going pretty bad so far. It has had its really good moments, but overall the cast isn't quite gelling, and the storylines are way to rushed for a 30 minute block. But stick with it people! It took 6 episodes for Season 2 to get going. Don't worry, there are plenty of good individual lines to keep your faith up. (Confidential to the show: Stop sucking! I told these guys you were cool!)
• Heroes (NBC 8:00-9:00) - Wow, so the sophomore slump is hitting, and hard. I'm still compelled to watch, but seriously, they need to kick the show back into gear and hard. There was enough repetition in those first three episodes that it realistically was only about 1.5. Also, damn y'all need to work on your green screen scenes. Those were '80s level painful.

Notes from the discarded:

• Journeyman (NBC 9:00-10:00) - Completely unable to keep my attention. Tried and failed hard.
• Chuck (NBC 7:00-8:00) - Really not bad at all. Actually funny, and is getting better as the characters are fleshed out. But looking at it realistically, I'm not going to be able to keep up, unless How I Met Your Mother becomes irredeemably bad (Note: This cannot happen. I refuse to consider it.). Maybe I can catch up when things hit reruns? For now, though, it's a sad farewell to cute, cute, ever so cute geeks. And Adam Baldwin.
• Samantha Who? (ABC 8:30-9:00) - Seriously, I'm not even sure this show ever even came on. Heroes ruined any chance it ever had.

Tuesday!

What to watch:

• Uhh, yeah, nothing here. Scary.

Notes from the discarded:

• Biggest Loser (NBC 7:00-8:00) - Still watching, sort of, but not religiously, as they seem to view filler as the primary ingredient of a show, rather than, y'know, things actually happening. Still totally have a crush on the Black Team Trainer, though. She's amazing.
• Reaper (CW 8:00-9:00) - I... dunno. It's not bad, but that second episode did nothing to earn additional affection after the pilot, and the sidekick guy's antics got old so fast I almost got whiplash. Maybe it will take time to develop. I'll probably give it a couple more shots if I have nothing else to do, but it's not appointment viewing.

Wednesday!

What to Watch:

• Pushing Daisies (ABC 7:00-8:00) - It started late, so we still only have the pilot to go by, but seriously. Just so good. The dialogue! It lives right here, in my heart. The sweetness might be a bit much over time, but like I've ever let sweetness ruin anything for me.
• Dirty Sexy Money (ABC 9:00-10:00) - Oh sweet damn. Came out of nowhere, and is literally my favorite new show of the season so far. Donald Sutherland is incredible and the plot gets the perfect mixture of comedy and drama. Heavy emphasis on the comedy. Some seriously unexpected hilarious timing in this cast. There are some flaws, but by far the most promising entry out there.

Notes from the discarded:

• Private Practice (ABC 8:00-9:00) - The pilot was lame, but made me cry like a little girl. The second episode was painful but better at working with the characters. Then I realised that I couldn't care less about this show and there were tons of other things I'd rather be doing that watching it. That's a bad sign, y'all.
• America's Next Top Model (CW 7:00-8:00) - Still watching, but during rerun times, as it conflicts with Pushing Daisies. It looks like it could be a good cycle. Makeovers are soon!
• Gossip Girl (CW 8:00-9:00) - This is what you should be watching instead of Private Practice. Hilarious and awesome in just that trashy way we were hoping for. But the ratings have been so bad I refuse to get sucked in just to have it pulled out from under me. Damn you Shonda Rhimes! Is there no end to the things you will ruin? (see: Thursday)

Thursday!

What to Watch:

• Ugly Betty (ABC 7:00-8:00) - YES! Finally a returning show that came back strong and is actively getting better. Sooo good.
• The Office (NBC 8:00-8:30) - Oh man. Everything I could have hoped for. Although the hour long format is way too much. It's a much better show at 30 minutes - tighter, more focused, less prone to overkill. But still absolutely hilarious throughout every episode so far. Plus, the Jim/Pam thing was almost enough to kill me dead. I love them so much.

Notes from the discarded:

• Grey's Anatomy (ABC 8:00-9:00) - George: "I love you too." Aaaaand I'm out! (No wait, I have more: Couldn't have done a better job of sabotaging every appealing character on the show, except maybe to have Bailey kill a puppy on air. Seriously: HATE)
• Survivor: China (CBS 7:00-8:00) - Not a bad start at all, but I'm waiting for the real hook, and it just can't compete with Ugly Betty right now. I'll still stay in the loop, though. Mildly compelling stuff. Plus: a tiny competitor named Frosti, and a gay Mormon flight attendant? Talk about your inspired casting.

Friday!

What to Watch:

• Friday Night Lights (NBC 8:00-9:00) - Sweet unholy damn. That had best not be representative of the rest of this season. I can't handle this level of disappointment. Between this and How I Met Your Mother, I feel like all of last season was just a lie! *Deep Breath* Give it time, give it time.
• Women's Murder Club (ABC 8:00-9:00) - Still hasn't aired yet, but the FNL showing has opened the door wide for this show to jump right in. Yikes.

Sunday!

What to Watch:

• Yeah, I lied, I haven't watched a second of TV on Sunday except for football during the day, and I've yet to miss any of it.

Y'all? That is only three and a half hours of shows that are actually good right now (Ugly Betty, Dirty Sexy Money, Pushing Daisies, The Office). What the hell happened to TV? I suppose it's for the best, anyways. I've heard the outdoors are really in right now.

Returning to Form

Aw y'all. I neglect because I love. Or something like that.

Anyways, back into the groove. Housekeeping notes to get going:

• I'm an uncle! Okay, so technically I was already an uncle as of 4 months ago, but I am again. My sister had a tiny baby girl, who is very cute and has the best name, and who I hope to see in person very soon, as I missed out due to a protracted bout of illness going into this weekend. Woo, family!
• The weekend before that I managed to use my uncling skills for two whole days watching the aforementioned 4 month old nephew out in East Texas. The fact that the two of us are both still alive is a wonderful testament to the resiliency of the boy, and my blind and total luck. Also, he's a ridiculously cute child. Finally, our family genes kicking in where it counts: in adorableness!
• The ultra sickness that I had for approximately 42 hours at the end of last week had better count as the one illness that I always get come each Fall. Because if it was just a preview, I will be most displeased. I don't think I can take much more of that.
• I survived OU/Texas weekend relatively unscathed, and in the process completed my first night staying out until dawn in at least 14 months. Which, while really fun, helped me realize that even though I am not incredibly old physically, I have a seriously old mentality. Which I think I'm okay with, all things considered.
• I have a new and unwavering obsession with finally finishing up my apartment outfitting, after 4 months of relative complacency. Primarily, I'm desperate to find curtains for the living room. And lampshades to match. I have no idea where this domestic urge has come from, but it is so strong I can feel it in my bones.

And that's about that. More stories and actual full entries to come. Also, stay tuned for a new TV update very shortly, as I think I'm finally ready to lock in to a realistic viewing schedule based on the first two weeks of the new fall season.

Woo, it's nice to be back.